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Nightmarch - Oct 16, 2008

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Nine Years On: The Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) will be holding a party on Sunday night 19 October to celebrate its ninth year of operations. During that time it has undergone a number of internal structural changes so that anyone walking in today would hardly recognise the place from its original design nine years ago. For a period between about late 2002 and lasting until 2006 it was one of the best places in Fun Town. Now it’s a shadow of its former self but the parties and dance competitions are always worth attending.


Two Good Reasons to go with Wile E: Most people who have visited the People’s Democratic Republic of Laos usually try the local amber nectar Beer Lao. Not being much of a beeraholic I’m not really in a position to say whether it’s a truly top-shelf drop or not, but if I am ever in the mood for a glass of the frothy stuff then Beer Lao is one of the best I’ve ever tasted. The reason for this preamble is that the management of the Coyotee’s ogling den (Soi Marina Plaza) is apparently now stocking Beer Lao as their preferred happy hour promotion: for just 60 baht a bottle. That’s the first good reason to wander into Coyotee’s.

The second is their infrequent but immensely popular dance contests.


IF IT’S BUSY IT MUST BE WINDMILL: The Windmill Club ogling den (Soi Diamond) has regained its place as one of about three operating in a similar style (the others being Baby Dolls and What’s Up, both in Soi 15) that rate as among the most popular in Patta

On Sunday night 26 October the den will be conducting a dance contest that promises to be just as good as any they have held in the past. The judging format has changed to allow a more open and transparent format, one that involves the crowd as much as anything else. At the time of going to press I am not aware of just how many other bars will be sending contestants, although it is likely to be at least three. The start time is also not known to me but I would think it will be between 10:00-11:00PM. So, there’s the second good reason to make a stopover at Coyotee’s.

The Race that Stops a Nation: On Tuesday afternoon 4 November one of the greatest horse races in the world, the Melbourne Cup, will be run over a gruelling 3200 metres (two miles) at the Flemington racecourse in Australia. In the land Down Under it’s an event that stops a nation. Here in Pattaya the race can be viewed live from a variety of places with the Boxing Roo beer boozer and occasional punters palace (Third Road, opposite Soi Lengkee) being my personal preferred spot in the grandstand. Uncle Kenny, who will be sporting the traditional pork-pie hat and swinging the bookies satchel as he calls the odds, will be available to help any interested persons ‘get set’ on their favourite fancy. The only unfortunate aspect of the day is that due to the time zone differences those who want to watch the great race live need to be parked on a bar stool by about 09:30AM, with the race at 10:00AM.

Not a Casino in Sight: The Las Vegas chrome pole palace has been reincar-nated. To be accurate, it’s the name that has been revived; the location is different: Soi Yamato (aka Soi Nervous Clinic). Many years ago an astute American man opened an afternoon den in Soi Post Office which he named Las Vegas. After building the business into a strong concern he sold out and that den underwent a name change to Club Nevada. It remains a solid performer with the afternoon ogling and draught amber fluid crowd.

Despite the generally slow economy in Fun Town, the astute Yank is back in the main centre of Pattaya and has opened what is currently the 25th palace of the chrome pole away from Walking Street. It’s also the seventh new den to open this year.

For Soi Yamato the Las Vegas den is a padded bra’s throw up the street from the cocks-in-frocks joint Stringfellows. The layout is nothing special: a small circular stage in the centre, with room for up to six girls; bench seating around the back wall; and a main bar on the left as you go in. The music is pop and rock from the 1970s and beyond while the most popular libation is draught amber at 75 baht a glass. Lolly water is 50 baht, liver wasters 110 baht, and lady drinks 100 baht.

The dancing damsels are, as you might expect, a mixed lot. There are the usual overfed buffalo herders who have upgraded from a beer boozer and donned the g-string in the hope of better earnings from men with severe cataract problems; others look quite good under UV lighting; and a couple who could ply their wallet emptying trade successfully from almost any den of the chrome pole.

There’s a Queue Out There: It opened in an almost out-of-the-way area, namely Soi Marina Plaza, but is now arguably the most popular really late-night venue in Pattaya. The operators of the Club Insomnia late-night boogie barn must wake up most afternoons and the first thoughts coming into their heads will be, ‘low season. What low season?’ The upstairs head-bangers auditorium is modelled along the lines of a Spanish resort nightclub and it works, in spades. To prevent overcrowding they have a sensible policy of filling the place after opening at midnight and then only allowing new customers in as others leave. This has led to queues forming at the entrance, something you see in London and Sydney, for example, but almost unheard of in Fun Town. Long-established joints such as Marine and Marine 2 are still as busy as ever while Lucifers remains popular earlier in the evening.

Copping the Rough End of the Pineapple: A man walks into a popular palace of the chrome pole, dressed in a fashion that immediately brings to mind the rhyming slang phrase ‘merchant banker’: black shirt opened to the waist, exposing a well-rounded stomach of ample proportions; atop his shaved melon a pair of dark sunglasses. After a short period inside the den it becomes apparent the punter is either a few kangaroos short in the top paddock, or is just a complete tosser with no idea how to behave in public.

As most people who have been in Fun Town for any length of time know, the average Thai male working for any one of the multitude of dens scattered the length and breadth of Pattaya don’t need much of a reason to throw a few punches and kicks in the direction of an objectionable punter.

So, when the aforemen-tioned twit decided he wanted to become aggres-sive with a couple of the serving wenches the Thai male hired help intervened and, by way of sign language (not sure what the balled fist means in sign) and a hands-on approach made sure the punter left the premises under no illusion about his behaviour being viewed as unacceptable.

I won’t mention the den concerned because that’s not the point of the parable. If you feel the desire to obtain a facial massage involving a few swift kicks and a flurry of punches then by all means go ahead and make a complete dickhead of yourself inside an ogling den.

Out of the Rumour Mill: Due to deadline constraints I am unable to confirm the full and correct details of the following. I’m told the infamous Soi 6 will be turned into a mini-walking street as of early October every evening from 6:00PM until 2:00AM. No cars or motorbikes will be permitted down the soi between those hours. I’m also led to believe all joints serving booze and brief companionship for a price must open at 6:00PM. I’m not sure if this means those joints opening in the early afternoon are no longer permitted to do so, or if the ruling just states all places must be open no later than 6:00PM. I’m sure all will be revealed in the next couple of weeks.

Something for the Desk: The fourth edition -and those remaining copies of the third printing- of the Pattaya by Night magazine are moving off the shelves steadily despite the low season and I’m happy to say there will be a 2009 Calendar ready to hit the streets by about the third week of October. A glossy, desktop style, it features 10 top-class ogling dens and will retail at just 195 baht. More information when it finally makes it out of the print shop.

Piece of (Aging) Pith: Q: Is it common for 60+ year olds to have problems with short term memory storage? A: Storing memory is not a problem, retrieving it is a problem.

(my new email address is: duncanstearn@gmail.com)


From http://www.pattayatoday.net/index.php?acti...ews&id=3793

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