2009 Darwin Awards

[cannonball83204 78]

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards

 

are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the

 

glorious winner:

 

 

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended

 

victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber

 

James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered

 

down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

 

 

 

And now, the honorable mentions:

 

 

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-

 

cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The

 

company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look

 

for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The

 

chef's claim was approved.

 

 

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

 

during a blizzard in Chicago , returned with his vehicle, to find a

 

woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

 

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

 

driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be

 

transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to

 

admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and

 

offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the

 

passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the

 

patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The

 

deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 

 

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious

 

head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

 

received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying

 

to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he

 

was hit.

 

 

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

 

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash

 

drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the

 

register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash

 

from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The

 

total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [if someone

 

points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

 

 

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

 

that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,

 

grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved

 

it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and

 

hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The

 

liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was

 

caught on videotape.

 

 

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

 

grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the

 

woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.

 

Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him

 

in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out

 

of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he

 

replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the

 

purse from."

 

 

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

 

Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and

 

demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't

 

open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered

 

onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The

 

man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

 

 

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked

 

on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police

 

arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a

 

motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man

 

admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into

 

the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle

 

declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever

 

had.

 

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your

 

friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals by

 

chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be

 

glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

 

*** Remember... They walk among us!!!

[shamasdog 1]

Most of these are many years old one is older than dirt. Don't think they are this years Awards.

 

Sorry

 

Shamas O'D

[Bruce Mangosteen 538]

The source: http://www.darwinawards.com/

[Rick1079 0]

Most of these are many years old one is older than dirt. Don't think they are this years Awards.

Shamas O'D

 

They maybe oldies but they are still funny.

[mykl 72]

Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards

 

are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us. Here is the

 

glorious winner:

 

 

1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended

 

victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California , would-be robber

 

James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered

 

down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

 

 

 

And now, the honorable mentions:

 

 

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat-

 

cutting machine and submitted a claim to his insurance company. The

 

company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look

 

for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger.. The

 

chef's claim was approved.

 

 

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car

 

during a blizzard in Chicago , returned with his vehicle, to find a

 

woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

 

 

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus

 

driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be

 

transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to

 

admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and

 

offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the

 

passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the

 

patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The

 

deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

 

 

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious

 

head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he

 

received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying

 

to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he

 

was hit.

 

 

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the

 

counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash

 

drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the

 

register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash

 

from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The

 

total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [if someone

 

points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

 

 

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided

 

that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window,

 

grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved

 

it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and

 

hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The

 

liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was

 

caught on videotape.

 

 

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man

 

grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the

 

woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.

 

Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him

 

in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out

 

of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he

 

replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the

 

purse from."

 

 

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a

 

Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan , at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and

 

demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't

 

open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered

 

onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The

 

man, frustrated, walked away. [*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

 

 

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked

 

on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police

 

arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a

 

motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man

 

admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into

 

the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle

 

declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever

 

had.

 

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with your

 

friends and family... unless of course one of these individuals by

 

chance is a distant relative or long-lost friend. In that case, be

 

glad they are distant and hope they remain lost.

 

*** Remember... They walk among us!!!

 

1. Valid

2.

3. Valid, but she gets the award, not the snow shoveler.

4.

5. Nope again. He didn't die and didn't remove himself from the gene pool. No Darwin.

6. WTF? Nobody died and nobody removed from the gene pool. No Darwin.

7. Sigh x 1. Nobody died and nobody removed from the gene pool. No Darwin.

8. Sigh x 2. Nobody died and nobody removed from the gene pool. No Darwin.

9. Sigh x 3. Nobody died and nobody removed from the gene pool. No Darwin.

10. Sigh x 4. Nobody died and nobody removed from the gene pool. No Darwin.

 

[1234 0]

#9 seemed the best among the lot.