Monkeywatch - January 2011

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, a Happy New Year to you all, and welcome as we embark on our sixth year of bringing you the month's news stories through a different pair of spectacles.

 

A Thai bloke had a bit of a nasty experience a couple of weeks ago when his wife bit his dick off during a 'domestic dispute'. His luck didn't improve when she then proceeded to stab him to death, though perhaps it was just as well, as being in Pattaya without a dick would have been a bit like being in Afghanistan without a gun.

 

Just to even things out gender-wise, a Thai woman was stabbed to death by her husband last Wednesday after she refused to return home for the dinner he had prepared for them. Police are still hunting for the husband, who now faces a sentence of life imprisonment and remedial cookery classes.

 

And to complete the trilogy of murder and mayhem, a Cambodian fisherman was stabbed to death by four or five blokes outside a convenience store. Wasn't very convenient for him, was it?

 

If any of you know the girl who owns this dildo, we suggest that you don't tell your friends…

 

 

Five Thai men were detained by police last weekend after attempting to bundle a Norwegian man into their car on Second Road. A police spokesman said that street thefts of this sort were becoming more and more common in Pattaya and advised holidaymakers going out for the evening to leave their expensive jewellery and Norwegians in their hotel rooms.

 

A young local chappie claiming to be a Police Volunteer was arrested the other Monday after approaching a Thai couple on Pattaya Beach. He had demanded that they hand over her bag and his ID card for inspection but instead they phoned the real police and he was apprehended shortly afterwards. The couple said they had become suspicious of the man as he hadn't assaulted them or demanded cash in the traditional time-honoured fashion.

 

Following complaints from Indian tourists about the lack of activities that the whole family can join in, Big C has installed a new table football machine…

 

 

Bars news now, and the headline of the month was surely the final demise of Club Boesche, a truly apocalyptic hero-to-zero crash of biblical proportions… sorry, got a bit carried away there. Anyway, it's gone. Another recent Monkeywatch prediction came to pass with the closure of Atlantis A Go Go after an indecently brief lifespan. Powers on Walking Street also bit the dust after a relatively short existence. A couple of new places have just opened though, namely Kiss A Go Go on Soi LK Metro and Clinic A Go Go on Soi 7. Let's hope they have a bit more staying power, eh?

 

Police are investigating another outbreak of drain cover thefts after a further incident was reported by a motorcyclist a couple of weeks ago. The man said he first became suspicious while riding his bike home in the early hours of the morning when he suddenly plunged down a 20-foot hole and landed on his face, as he made the journey regularly and this didn't normally happen.

 

In an effort to bolster its green credentials, Pattaya is attempting to stop cycle thefts by employing these new organic 'stingers' on Beach Road…

 

 

The police mounted a road safety check campaign over the Christmas period in an attempt to keep a few locals and tourists alive into the New Year. The general consensus seems to be that the roads are perfectly safe – it's the drunken lunatics who drive on them that are the problem.

 

Finally, a local school's plan for a ceremony to ordain up to 350 girls as Buddhist nuns didn't quite live up to expectations when no one turned up. Maybe the girls have another career path in mind?

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[petermac 2]

Good read,thanks

[Montydog 135]

As always