Nightmarch 3 March 2004

[PattayaPete 530]

From Sea to Shining Sea: It started life as Blue Hawaii, became Champion 2, then metamorphosed into Rock and Roll before acquiring the name Frozen and is now known as The Sea. One of the cluster of ogling dens in Soi Diamond, The Sea offers draught amber at 55 baht all night as one its inducements to lure punters through the portals. Liver wasters are 105 baht.

 

The Sea is certainly among the more popular venues with a veritable fleet of dancing damsels. Many, and I mean this in the most charitable way, are real sea dogs (veterans of numerous nautical engagements: they know their way around a few hotel showers in town). Music is typical car alarm but it’s well worth wandering in every now and again to see who’s got the spinnaker up.

 

Two Down for Diamond: The second Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) dance contest for 2004 took place on 20 February with 15 damsels representing the local team as well as Big Willies, Carousel, Paris, The Sea (all in Soi Diamond) and Honey (Walking Street) as well as two freelancers competing for a total of 13,000 baht in prize money.

 

In what was another closely fought contest, Miss Gao from Diamond scored her second consecutive victory, downing a well-endowed lass from The Sea with Carousel third. The third-placegetter also won the Miss Flower contest. I’m not too sure how aware of her success she was as she’d ingested enough alcohol to raise the Gross Domestic Product of Finland by a few percent.

 

Off a Carousel: The Carousel ogling den (Soi Diamond) was due to conduct a dance contest on Monday night 23 February with 20,000 baht in prize-money going off in no less than 10 categories, however, it was cancelled at the last minute. According to management, the peelers paid them a visit and unequivocally ‘suggested’ the contest not take place.

 

Watch it My Way: One of the great joys of Walking Street is to sit in a chair at the front of one of the umpteen number of outside beer boozers and watch the passing parade. One stretch of the sandstone-bedded street down in front of the old Red Lion, now the Pompet beer boozer complex, is ideal for a bit of hip and swerve, especially after 11:00PM.

 

One of the boozers nearby is called the My Way, staffed by a mixed and motley crew of genuine females of varying degrees of attractiveness and some not-so-genuine females whose attractiveness or otherwise I shall leave for others to decide. The music was of the techno/car alarm variety, but it suits the time and place and not a hint of a tune resembling the Frank Sinatra hit.

 

On Valentine’s evening I sat and watched the usual collection of males wandering about wearing sunglasses, others with baseball caps on backwards, some with both sunglasses and baseball caps; one with a yachting cap perched atop his melon and dressed in the fashion of a Tunisian admiral. Then there were the two guys attired only in housecoats and rubber flip-flops (thongs to Aussies) who decided a round of push-ups mid-street was in order. And people wonder why we love this joint.

 

Not so Sexy: I’ve made mention of this before in relation to other places, but can somebody please explain how the management of an ogling den employing around 20 dancing damsels, most of average looks and a few veterans, justifies charging 100 baht for house liver wasters? This is the case in the Sexy Soi 8 chrome pole palace. Compare this with, for example, the always top-class Super Baby (Soi Diamond) where libations are 90 baht and the place is packed with lookers. They do have a happy hour, with bottled amber nectar retailing at 70 baht.

 

Here’s Lookin’ Up Your Skirt: Currently employing around 50 chrome pole molesters is the intimate Paris ogling den (Soi Diamond). The place seems to pack out most nights, although in fairness to larger establishments, it’s not hard to do in Paris given seating caters to around 30 or 40 punters. In recent times a number of damsels who used to ply their trade in Living Dolls (Walking Street) have joined the ranks of the Parisians.

 

One feature is the dancers wearing micro-minis (similar to the style now adorning the chrome pole huggers in Diamond, just down the soi), with some girls exhibiting early signs of Alzheimer’s, forgetting to add that little extra apparel to keep the cold out of the nether regions.

 

Here’s A Question For You: Anybody interested in meeting new people and keeping their mind active can spend a couple of hours a night every night between Sunday and Thursday playing in the various quizzes around Fun Town.

 

Sunday’s there is a 10-team home and away competition; the Pig and Whistle (Soi 7) conducts an in-house quiz on Monday’s and Thursday’s; the Bowling Green (off Soi Chaiyapoom) holds one on Tuesday’s and on Wednesday’s there’s a 12-team home and away competition. Admittedly, the vast majority of questions in all these quizzes are geared towards Brits. So if your knowledge extends to who won the (sweet) FA Cup in 1952; played Mrs Hermione Felcherer in some obscure British comedy series of the 1960s or how many Kings of England lost their lives while trying to mate with their horse, then this is for you.

 

Tweaking at the Edges: With almost every ogling den in Pattaya offering happy hours as well as all-night cheap amber fluid in an effort to entice customers through the portals, Club Electric Blue (Walking Street) has gone an extra yard or so. Happy hour with house liver wasters and Thai rotgut at 35 baht still runs from 7:30-8:30PM, but now for the hour afterwards the den offers a buy one get one free promotion.

 

Big Andy has thankfully changed the dancing mode from a bevy of chrome pole molesters hanging onto the same aluminium stiff for a brace of tunes to the traditional Pattaya-style of girls moving up a pole with each new song. Therefore, if you do happen to be stuck in a seat in front of a body you don’t fancy, it’ll only be a song or two before Venus is upon you (well not literally, unless she happens to lose her balance and collapse into your lap). There is one damsel in particular who has a set of lungs capable of being used to re-float the Titanic.

 

Bring out the Huskies: Wandered into The Dollhouse (Walking Street), which is still continuing its happy hour from 7:30-9:00PM with draught amber, house liver wasters, Thai rotgut and lolly water at a cheap 30 baht, and noted the air-conditioning appeared to have been set to a point just below freezing. When I say it was cold, those dancing damsels not on stage were huddled together near a log fire, stamping their feet and wearing see-through anoraks. OK, I’m exaggerating, but they certainly looked as though a layer of jackets wouldn’t have gone amiss.

 

 

My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com

Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids"