Bushcraft

I don't know anyone who pursues and pays for male Thai company (admittedly with a few doubtfuls who like cocks with frocks), but where the females are concerned, I suspect that most of us are less interested in quality of conversation, wit, insight, worldliness, etc. and extremely interested in physical attributes plus willingness and experience. As the saying goes, we pay them to leave, as meaningful conversation is not the strong suit of most of these girls. We don't look at the mantlepiece when we just want to stoke the fire.

I'm afraid I take exception to the Auschwitz tour item, as my German uncle (my mother's brother) sadly died in a concentration camp in 1943. He got drunk one day and fell off his watchtower.

It’s 1926, the Governor General of the Fiji Islands is retiring, and his successor has just arrived to take up his duties. Both are sitting in the garden, and the outgoing GG is briefing the new one about current events. “I also want you to meet Carruthers, who has been my ADC for many years, and is now yours, and is a most competent officer with a splendid military record.” Carruthers is duly summoned and makes his appearance. He’s a shocking sight - less than 5 feet tall, a bad limp, completely bald though not above 35, and has a grossly disfigured face strewn with blotches, sores and with

Just come back from Immigration in Soi 5 after a nightmarish 1 hour arguing with sullen staff who don't give a damn and of course can't be in the wrong. Plus having to fill in a form and have photocopies made. I last went there on October 6 for 90-day reporting, and notified them that I had recently changed my address. My passport was duly returned with a slip confirming notification of the new address, and I thought no more about it until today, when I worked out that I was about due to report again and turned up to do so. Big problem, apparently and amazingly, reporting a new address is

Excelled yourself this month! Thanks for the laugh.

Not in the least, I take it as a good-natured dig 🙂

How's this one: I used to think my brain was the most sublime organ in my body. Then I realised who was telling me this.

There's a prominent sign reading "90 Day Reporting" outside the new building, but on entering you also see a couple of desks on the right for other visa matters. Either way, the new facility is a big improvement on the previous crush in the main building.

Heavens Above on Boomerang is also non-smoking now.

That's good, those ears are famous - like a taxi with its doors open. Also, he's one of those chaps who can stare at you through a keyhole with both eyes at once.

Very good one this month, thanks mate, keep 'em coming.

Two cavemen are sitting on a sandy beach, silently contemplating a fire they've built. Suddenly they notice a third caveman swimming out of the sea towards them. The man runs up onto the beach gesticulating wildly, very excited. The newcomer comes up to them and says: "Hey you two, I've discovered something really exciting that will change your lives, it's called language! It means we can actually start communicating with each other. A fantastic breakthrough, I just had to let you know." One of the two guys by the fire gets up, grabs his club and wordlessly bashes the newcomer over the

This is one I first heard in Austria - clearly they have their own lavatorial humour for which I make no apologies. A man boards the overnight express train, let's say from Edinburgh to London. Prior to boarding, he's had 3 pints of beer and a hot Indian curry. Sure enough, a few miles into the journey, he starts to feel uncomfortable, his bowels are churning and he realises that he needs to get to a toilet very quickly. He rushes down the corridor in a panic, reaches the toilet and the door is locked - its engaged. Bugger. Now with only seconds to spare before disaster, he thinks fas

Shock announcement, the health & safety people in the UK have proposed that all men aged 16 or over should be compelled to attach a warning sticker to their scrotum: May contain nuts!

I went to Milk Bar to say hello to my old friend Moulie yesterday, thinking it was open. Nobody at all there, so I popped next door to Le Pub, which I haven't visited for some time owing to an attitude problem in the past. Noticed there were a few new ladies, and one or two girls who knew me came over to say hello but buggered off when I clearly wasn't going to buy them a drink on the instant, despite my being a pretty generous regular during lockdown when things were really bad for them. Sat outside with a beer, five new ladies opposite so busy with their phones that they couldn't be arsed