Jump to content
Instructions on joining the Members Only Forum

Bushcraft

Participant
  • Content Count

    2,752
  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    45

Everything posted by Bushcraft

  1. It’s 1926, the Governor General of the Fiji Islands is retiring, and his successor has just arrived to take up his duties. Both are sitting in the garden, and the outgoing GG is briefing the new one about current events. “I also want you to meet Carruthers, who has been my ADC for many years, and is now yours, and is a most competent officer with a splendid military record.” Carruthers is duly summoned and makes his appearance. He’s a shocking sight - less than 5 feet tall, a bad limp, completely bald though not above 35, and has a grossly disfigured face strewn with blotches, sores and with
  2. Just come back from Immigration in Soi 5 after a nightmarish 1 hour arguing with sullen staff who don't give a damn and of course can't be in the wrong. Plus having to fill in a form and have photocopies made. I last went there on October 6 for 90-day reporting, and notified them that I had recently changed my address. My passport was duly returned with a slip confirming notification of the new address, and I thought no more about it until today, when I worked out that I was about due to report again and turned up to do so. Big problem, apparently and amazingly, reporting a new address is
  3. Excelled yourself this month! Thanks for the laugh.
  4. Not in the least, I take it as a good-natured dig 🙂
  5. How's this one: I used to think my brain was the most sublime organ in my body. Then I realised who was telling me this.
  6. There's a prominent sign reading "90 Day Reporting" outside the new building, but on entering you also see a couple of desks on the right for other visa matters. Either way, the new facility is a big improvement on the previous crush in the main building.
  7. Heavens Above on Boomerang is also non-smoking now.
  8. That's good, those ears are famous - like a taxi with its doors open. Also, he's one of those chaps who can stare at you through a keyhole with both eyes at once.
  9. Very good one this month, thanks mate, keep 'em coming.
  10. Two cavemen are sitting on a sandy beach, silently contemplating a fire they've built. Suddenly they notice a third caveman swimming out of the sea towards them. The man runs up onto the beach gesticulating wildly, very excited. The newcomer comes up to them and says: "Hey you two, I've discovered something really exciting that will change your lives, it's called language! It means we can actually start communicating with each other. A fantastic breakthrough, I just had to let you know." One of the two guys by the fire gets up, grabs his club and wordlessly bashes the newcomer over the
  11. This is one I first heard in Austria - clearly they have their own lavatorial humour for which I make no apologies. A man boards the overnight express train, let's say from Edinburgh to London. Prior to boarding, he's had 3 pints of beer and a hot Indian curry. Sure enough, a few miles into the journey, he starts to feel uncomfortable, his bowels are churning and he realises that he needs to get to a toilet very quickly. He rushes down the corridor in a panic, reaches the toilet and the door is locked - its engaged. Bugger. Now with only seconds to spare before disaster, he thinks fas
  12. Shock announcement, the health & safety people in the UK have proposed that all men aged 16 or over should be compelled to attach a warning sticker to their scrotum: May contain nuts!
  13. I went to Milk Bar to say hello to my old friend Moulie yesterday, thinking it was open. Nobody at all there, so I popped next door to Le Pub, which I haven't visited for some time owing to an attitude problem in the past. Noticed there were a few new ladies, and one or two girls who knew me came over to say hello but buggered off when I clearly wasn't going to buy them a drink on the instant, despite my being a pretty generous regular during lockdown when things were really bad for them. Sat outside with a beer, five new ladies opposite so busy with their phones that they couldn't be arsed
  14. Returning to this great thread because I have a Kindle problem. Suddenly I'm trying to buy books from the store only to find that they don't download properly and I get a message to delete the item for a refund. This is really annoying. Anyone else have this problem or know what's going on?
  15. I concur about the rumble strips. Back home you'll find them just ahead of crossings and roundabouts, ostensibly to remind you to slow down (bloody nanny state). Here (e.g. Thepprasit, Thappraya and now 3rd road) they're present in large numbers way before there's any need to slow down. Often, owing to traffic, you can't steer through the middle and avoid the really annoying rumble that can't be doing your suspension any good either. These are really useless and very annoying wastes of money for which I guess some prat in authority has earned a nice little kickback.
  16. Well done ladies, they played well against other ladies. I watched this out of patriotic interest, but I'm afraid I'm clearly a dinosaur and don't take any interest in the women's game per se at all. Always good to see po-faced Germans losing though.
  17. A heavy breather phones a woman's number. "Do you have an unshaved, tight cunt?" "Yes, but he's watching the TV right now. Who shall I say is calling?"
  18. Haha nice one thanks. Strangely enough, I've never seen an Indian with a 3-baht gold necklace in Patts before, and now there seems to be a rash of them getting robbed. No doubt they took the precaution of insuring the bling before coming here, and being able to present a police theft complaint should make the scam perfect. Methinks Indian insurers are not so easily fooled ..
  19. She should Earn well if she stays .. and there's reading matter while you're bonking her.
  20. The 300 unquestionably went into her own pocket. No question, I'd gladly have paid the same to avoid another trip.
  21. I did the exact same thing in Soi 5 last week. No problem, I was able to collect both passports with new entries in the new one next day. Free of charge though.
  22. I was in Cherry Bar last night. Everybody checkbinned just before 9 pm and we waited to drink up and see when the BIB would arrive. Adam and his girls left just after 9, and a uniformed copper on a bike plus a young bloke in civvies turned up at 9.30, shouting at people to leave. Seeing that the barstools were all over the place and there were empty beer bottles left along the bar, I tidied up, collected up the bottles and went inside to leave them next to the till. Got shouted at by the young bloke, ignored him and left. Could have been awkward, as he might have thought I was the bar owner an
  23. Always good for a chuckle, thanks for persevering in these dry times, it can only get better, but only better than it is now.
  24. Keep hanging in there Phil. Is there a delivery charge for meals, how much to Jomtien? Do your girls do the delivering?
  25. That's bad news for all the investors who've been putting up hotels and condos in Patts, but good news for the expats who live here - provided that the Thai goverment cares a damn about ordinary jobless Thai people and opens up the bars, agogos etc. and lets people from other nations in as a matter of priority. That presupposes a mass vaccination programme, which is unaccountably (and suspiciously) delayed. Possibly the Thai elite are still cooking up a scheme how to make serious money from such a programme after all, despite it initially being announced as "free". Don't let a crisis go to was
×
×
  • Create New...