Bushcraft

Very funny that, Patts in a nutshell.

I had a similar experience. I went to Jomtien for my 90-day report at 1.30 pm on the 9th (9 days late). On arrival I was handed my number, proceeded to counter 4 and my number was already showing on the board. I was out of there within 2 minutes. Marvellous.

Wishing you the best after reopening, I'll do my best to come for a meal very soon.

Thanks so much Firth, this area was my stamping ground when I lived in East Sheen in the 80s. Brings back memories, especially of pub nights near the beautiful Richmond Bridge. Very low water levels in some of those pics, don't remember them that low in the 80s but I may be wrong.

You couldn't concoct a bigger shambles than the UK's response in a work of fiction. Now, in June ffs, the British Medical Association finally comes out and says what many have said for at least 3 months: make mask-wearing compulsory when out of doors, not just on public transport as is now belatedly prescribed. Suddenly the medical advice that masks are not effective has been reversed. In fact this has nothing to do with the efficacy or not of masks - common sense tells us that a face covering must afford some level of protection - and everything to do with the shortage of supply in the e

Nice one considering the dearth of pickings in ex-funtown right now. One news item that made me laugh was the would-be gold shop robber who was foiled by being refused entry (by door buzzer) to the shop by an alert saleswoman - for not wearing a mask.

The Beatles: I don't wanna hold your hand

What really gets up my nose, apart from many of the things already mentioned by BMs, is when I'm the first to arrive at a recognised, i.e. commonly chosen, baht bus hailing point on Thappraya Road near the lights at Thepprasit Road, and am joined by a gaggle of Russians/Thais. When a bus arrives and stops near them, they think nothing of piling in with no regard for the old bugger who was already waiting and should have precedence. Germans are like this too, they abhor queues and it's every man for himself. The other one is baht bus passengers who ring the bell/buzzer to get off, sidle ro

I was due for a 90-day in Jomtien on Tuesday, and expected Immigration to be packed with people after the New Year break - and so it was, there was a queue stretching outside the main door into the car park. I took my place and gradually shuffled nearer to the door, when a lady suddenly appeared and asked if there were any 90-day people waiting. I said yes, and she handed me a number slip showing 475. I went to counter 4 and no. 476 was being processed, so I waited literally 20 seconds and presented my slip to the officer when 476 had left. She told me she had already called 475, and I told he

England is a cruel mother - she sometimes eats her children.

On the already mentioned subject of index-linked pensions for expats, this is discrimination and a scandal. Linked in the Philippes but not in Thailand, in the USA but not in Canada. This has been UK government policy since 1945, followed by all governments since. Nobody can explain why any bilateral agreements between governments should be needed to implement index-linking. If you're entitled, the government should pay you wherever you are, it's nobody else's business and it should be your free choice to live where you like after 40-odd years of work and contributions. Somebody took the

I'm reminded of a farang venture some years ago in Isaan that was both weird and bad, but definitely not good. Said Farang invested a considerable sum in leasing a double shophouse in Udon Thani and fitting it out as a restaurant which he intended to run with his Thai GF. This being Thailand, the GF's elderly, widowed mother moved in with them and had her own room upstairs. She also had dementia, and a nightmare unfolded. The restaurant started off well, with both farang and Thai customers, and became quite busy. Then it started: the mother would occasionally wander downstairs to th

They turn right at the flyover, then left into the next soi and join 2nd road just north of the roadworks. Very uncomfortable journey, lots of high bumps on those back sois.

I concur with Jacko's depressing but realistic view of the future in Patts. I've long ceased to go to agogos except on crawls, there is an air of desperation rather than fun in many beer bars, and my beloved Soi 6 is a shadow of its former self for reasons already discussed on the board. I think there has been a concerted and planned project on the part of government to change the nature ("quality") of the tourists who visit Patts. It began to bite at around the time FLB started struggling, the Soi 9, Soi 2 and 3 bars were demolished, and Soi 8 was made unfriendly by knocking 10-15 bars d

I've taken 1 Black Ant King pill daily for about 4 years now, and I find this works well considering my age. No noticeable side-effects, though I suspect this is a fairly large dose and may be doing me long-term harm, though long-term is relative at age 70. Unfortunately nothing can bring back the very healthy libido I had up until age 50 or so, but Mr Happy still (usually) rises to the occasion with the help of this stuff.

This one is somewhat lavatorial. Having drunk several beers and eaten an Indian curry prior to boarding, a passenger on the night train from Glasgow to London feels his stomach churning and realises that he needs the toilet pretty damn quick. He rushes down the corridor, tries the door handle of the toilet and - the toilet is engaged. With not a second to spare, and seeing as it's dark outside, he deperately slides the train window down, drops his trousers, sticks his bare bum out of the window and discharges a stream of diarrhoea into the night. Relief. Unfortunately this splatters

King Harold's last words were reportedly: Watch that fucker with the bow and arrow, he'll have somebody's eye out! Another version is that they were: I spy with my little eye, something beginning with 'A'.

Inevitable I'm afraid. I'm 70, and at the end of this month I'm taking my 28 year-old Thai wife to the UK for 10 days. Already looking forward to the comments (mostly from middle-aged women I expect) when I walk down the street with her.

Roundheads 1, cavaliers 0. Never had that problem but sympathise, get well soon.

Just had a long chat on Line with my 35 year-old daughter, who commutes into London every working day. She's disgusted and angry about what she refers to as 50% middle-aged schoolteacher types whom you might meet in the supermarket and 50% long-haired, unkempt or dreadlocked wasters such as you see latching on to any kind of civil unrest. She's particularly upset because she crosses Westminster Bridge each morning, a very beautiful bridge and a major London landmark. It's now closed to traffic by "protesters", which has been bad enough for people going to work, but she says commuters on foot h

There is no doubt that the world climate is changing, as it always has over millions of years. What is hotly debated, and denied by a large body of scientists but propagated by others, is that man is responsible and can do something about it. I don't know, as science seems to have become a matter of opinion rather than demonstrable facts. But it's a global phenomenon, and any action we think will help has to be on an international level. GB has signed up to certain measures along with many other countries, and appears to be honouring its commitments in this respect. Others are certainly not, o

A doctor has just finished examining his patient, gives a sigh and tells him that things are really bad, he has about 5 minutes left to live. The patient is very upset, in a panic: "Is there nothing you can do for me at all?" The doctor thinks for a moment and suggests: "I could boil you an egg."

A doctor phones his patient and tells him he has some bad and some worse news for him. "Tell me the bad news first." "Ok, the results of your tests have come back, indicating you have only 24 hours to live" "Oh my god, what's the worse news then?" "I forgot to call you yesterday."

Notice in a computer centre Achtung! Alles lookenspeepers! Das computermaschine ist nicht fuer gefingerpoken und mittengrabben. Ist easy schnappen der springenwerk, blowenfusen und poppencorken mit spitzensparken. Ist nicht fuer gewerken bei das dummkopfen. Das rubbernecken sightseeren keepen das cottonpickenen hands in das pockets muss; relaxen und watchen das blinkenlichten!

A married middle-aged bloke comes to the hospital with his wife, as he's due for a general health check. The admissions nurse tells him he'll have to give a urine, stool and semen sample for the lab to analyse. "Just give her your underpants, dear," the wife says.