Monkeywatch - June 2012

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to this month’s squint at the goings on and comings off in Tottytown. Engage.

 

There seems to be an increasing trend recently for Pattaya hotels to charge joiner fees for residents who have more than one guest in their room. Could be a ploy to squeeze extra money out of mongers, but it’s more likely an attempt to keep the number of Indian occupants per room down to single figures.

 

A Thai bloke has been locked up after being accused of burgling a house and sexually assaulting the owners’ five-year-old dog. What a sicko. He should stick to dogs over 18 like any normal pervert.

 

A woman has been arrested for murder and theft after drugging and robbing three blokes from Bangladesh, one of whom ended up taking a dirt nap. The woman apparently carried out the dastardly deed after agreeing to go back to the men’s hotel room for 800 baht, though she stressed that she wasn’t a prostitute. One can’t help but wonder what her definition of a prostitute actually is.

 

Authorities investigating complaints from Indian tourists that condoms on sale in Pattaya are too large believe there may be a case to answer…

 

 

A Frenchman from East Pattaya who had a row with his Thai wife is recovering in hospital after attempting suicide by swallowing weed killer. He’d have done better taking a trip down to Beach Road and drinking the seawater.

 

Strangest story of the month has to be the British citizen who was arrested in Bangkok after half a dozen foetuses were found in his luggage. Suppose they’ll charge him with human trafficking now - it’s the one the British authorities usually use when they’re fitting somebody up.

 

The Chinese ambassador has suggested that Pattaya should erect signs in Chinese to prevent visitors from his country being tricked, cheated and robbed. A Pattaya official observed that if Chinese tourists couldn’t be ripped off there really wasn’t any point in having them in the city in the first place.

 

Pattaya had the privilege last week of playing host to an air display by the Greek Air Force…

 

 

Bar news now, and we begin with the closure of that grand old Pattaya institution Carousel A Go Go, rumoured to have been a favourite haunt of Methuselah in his mongering days. May it rest in peace (but not for too long). Club Relaxxx has opened yet again – they must be using the Sakura Club 69 business model. Gentlemen’s Club on Soi Diamond has adopted the curious practice of being a coyote bar and a go go bar on alternate nights. Don’t yet know whether this is a new business idea or just a temporary measure to see which of the two draws in the most punters (probably the latter). And the long empty Illusion Club on Soi 14 looks set to reopen as the builders are in and the place is gutted – just like the previous owners, presumably.

 

Following the suspended jail term imposed on a Thai webmaster for remarks posted on her site by someone else, local authorities have announced that in future all shoplifting charges will be brought against the owners of the shops instead of the thieves.

 

Pattaya police arrested six “tour guides” last week after they were caught “persuading tourists to watch sex shows” on Walking Street. Bet they needed hell of a lot of persuading.

 

Always read the small print before buying a 16 cylinder car in Pattaya…

 

 

It’s been reported that more Swedish companies are to invest in Thailand. Nothing to do with Swedish anti-sex laws, obviously.

 

A Bangkok taxi driver was arrested last week for raping a female passenger in his cab. The man, who had just been released from prison after serving a five-year sentence for another rape, claimed that he did it because the woman was wearing shorts. Not a classic defence really.

 

Residents of a local village have complained to the authorities about lorries that drive past their houses more than 50 times per day. They should try living on a baht bus route.

 

Of course, there aren’t any girls left in Pattaya at the moment as they’ve all been trafficked to the Euro 2012 footy tournament. You know, just like the 2006 World Cup in Germany when the media and authorities informed us that 40,000 girls had been trafficked into the country for the event. The police found five.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[biggles 509]

Nice one, thanks for taking the time to write it each month

[MM 6,562]

The Chinese ambassador has suggested that Pattaya should erect signs in Chinese to prevent visitors from his country being tricked, cheated and robbed. A Pattaya official observed that if Chinese tourists couldn’t be ripped off there really wasn’t any point in having them in the city in the first place.

 

Good update, and the lines above are classic!

[rumpole 4]

Of course, there aren’t any girls left in Pattaya at the moment as they’ve all been trafficked to the Euro 2012 footy tournament...

 

and then the Olympic games in London before returning for the "Sex Olympics" down at Soi Sex later on this year