Bad jokes

[jballstate 326]

A guy gets a call from the police telling him that his house was robbed. The offenders had also consumed all of his beer and had raped his wife. A moment of silence passes and the guy says, "I can't believe they fucked my wife after only five beers!"

______________________________________________

 

 

 

Got this text from my brother recently. It read. "Can I stay at your house for a while? The ol' Lady kicked me out after she caught me measuring my dick. ....

 

It just reaches the back of her sister's throat!"

______________________________________________

 

 

 

I was banging this nice Lady over her kitchen table when we heard the front door open. She said, "It's my husband! Quick, try the back door!" Thinking back, I really should have ran - but you don't get offers like that every day.

_____________________________________________

 

 

 

Sorry for not calling you on New Years, I just got out of jail. I got locked up for punching the fuck out of this idiot at a party.

In my defense…when you hear an Arab counting down from 10, your instincts kick in.

____________________________________________________

 

 

 

My wife just came in and said,

 

"I don't know if I am coming or going.

"I said to her, "Judging by the look on your face, you're

 

going - 'cus when you're coming, you look like a fucking Down Syndrome kid trying to whistle!"

 

____________________________________________________

 

 

 

I saw a fortune teller the other day.

She told me I would come into some money.

Last night I fucked a girl called Penny - is that spooky or what?

 

_____________________________________________________

 

 

 

The missus asked me, "When you're on a boys only trip away, do you think about me?" .... Apparently "Only to stop myself from coming too quickly" wasn't the right answer .

 

_______________________________________________________________

 

 

 

 

 

Some guy just knocked on my door selling raffle tickets for poor orphans. I said, "Fuck that - knowing my luck, I'd win one!"