Monkeywatch - March 2013

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in once again, and welcome to another month’s voyage to the bottom of the barrel.

 

No doubt as a result of outstanding commercial success of the Avenue Mall, a new shopping centre called the Markland Village Lifestyle Mall is to be built in North Pattaya. Construction is planned to commence shortly and the complex should be completed by the end of this year – and demolished by the end of next year.

 

A Ukrainian quality tourist went berserk in a 7-Eleven store the other Friday after buying some water and nail varnish, which he then used to paint two initials onto the back of an ATM machine for some unfathomable reason. He went on to wave a pair of knives at the bemused staff but calmed down after police arrived and fired a couple of warning shots through his head.

 

It might have been prudent of them to add that they’d prefer monetary contributions…

 

 

Police were called to a hotel on Naklua Road the other Monday after cleaners found a couple of Turkish tourists unconscious in their adjoining rooms. Both rooms had been ransacked and the safes had mysteriously disappeared from the wardrobes. The men claimed they’d been drugged by a couple of pay as you go girlfriends they’d met by the Dolphin Roundabout and had been robbed of 40, 000 US dollars and 100,000 baht, though some people have suggested that it may be an insurance scam. Well everybody, actually.

 

The boys in brown were having a busy time of it last Wednesday night, with a police raiding party out on the town looking for counterfeit goods and the arrest of 40 ladyboys on Beach Road. Still trying to work out if this was two stories or only one.

 

A strange tale now of a Thai woman who claimed to have found a bag containing 700,000 baht in East Pattaya. Being a public-spirited citizen, she handed the bag in to a police officer stationed at a police box next to the Soi Kao Ta Lo market. The man sent her on her way with the assurance that the bag would be returned to its rightful owner. However, when the woman later returned to check on developments, she said the bag had vanished, along with the police officer. She was unable to identify the officer at either of two identity parades and the police are now saying that the money and the police officer never existed. They did, however, accept that part of her story was true, as after a lengthy search they managed to locate both the police box and the market.

 

Don’t worry if you’re new to Pattaya, as there’s always a handy sign to explain the strange local customs to you…

 

 

Bar news now, and Walking Street has yet another new Go Go bar, this time in the shape of Glass House A Go Go, though it doesn’t seem to have much in the way of either glass or Go Go. Illusion Club (previously Top Girls) on Soi 14 has reopened as Movida nightclub, and it’ll no doubt be every bit as successful as its previous incarnations. Wonder what it’ll be called next month? It’s apparently Italian owned, so maybe they could try Wop’s Up? Smile Rock Girls A Go Go on Soi 15 has had its teeth polished and is now open again, as is Bada Bing A Go Go on Soi BJ following its own little refurb. Lets hope the girls have been reupholstered as well. Shenanigans Irish Pub has shut down, and will definitely not be reopening under the name of Micks Discotheque as an Irish version of that place at the end of Walking Street. Papa A Go Go has also bitten the dust, though its sister bar next door Papagayo continues to prosper. And MASH A Go Go has a gone gone. Goodbye, farewell and amen.

 

Local authorities in the area seem to be suffering more and more from verbal diarrhoea when it comes to naming their specialist police sub-groups. First we had the Region 2 Child And Women Protection Unit and now we have the Region 2 Intellectual Property Protection Unit, though there’s a rumour going round that they’re both the same bloke.

 

Pattaya now has a new tree specially designed to welcome Russian tourists…

 

 

Pattaya Sea Rescue Services were called out last Friday after a Thai fellow went for a swim in a local lake after getting pissed as a rat with his chums. He was later found to have drowned and his death was attributed to excess drinking – presumably of the water in the lake.

 

Following the news that a Russian Tourist had found her stolen iPad by using the “Find My iPad” application, girls in local bars have contacted Apple so see if it would be possible to develop a “Find My Penis” app for some of their less well endowed customers.

 

It was a case of “It ain’t where you start, it’s where you Finnish” after a likely lad of said nationality turned up at the Soi 9 nick to report that he’d had a gold necklace snatched from around his neck by a poof in a dress. The police told him he should get used to local traditions and chucked him out. C’est la vie.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[Basil B 46]

Following the news that a Russian Tourist had found her stolen iPad by using the “Find My iPad” application, girls in local bars have contacted Apple so see if it would be possible to develop a “Find My Penis” app for some of their less well endowed customers.

 

not forgetting the "find my ATM" app or should it be "find my ATM's"

[kev0184 12]

very good once again,thx.