Monkeywatch - October 2026

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all out there, and welcome to this month’s sub aqua stories from Soggy City. Just put on your snorkels and off we go.

Pattaya Tourist Police Volunteers have welcomed the new uniforms presented to them by city officials though they expressed disappointment that their request for jackboots had been turned down.

As of October 16, Thailand airport security can search any bags that X-ray screening has deemed to be suspicious, so if you like a bit of cucumber on your salad it’s probably best to wait until after you arrive before buying one.

A durian seller got into a spot of bother with municipal officers after he turned a pickup truck into a roadside stall. He was fined by the city but later inducted into The Magic Circle.

The Pattaya police crime crackdown has resulted in 40 thieves being arrested inside this place…

 

Tourist destinations in Thailand are apparently getting very worried about the use of laughing gas by foreign visitors. Oh for the good old days when nobody in Thailand needed the stuff.

Pattaya Tourist Police kindly offered to escort a Russian woman who’d got lost all the way back to her home. They said it was an interesting experience as they’d never been to Moscow before.

Immigration officials in Pattaya have been instructed to crack down on foreign nationals who break the law in Thailand. They say there isn’t any racist motive behind this, but that they will be looking particularly closely at “head wobblers, schvartzers and any manner of nasty yellow swines.”

It’s closed…

 

Bar news time, and there’s pretty well bugger all to report at the moment. Still, with so many bar closures these days, no news is good news.

Thailand’s health officials have been extolling seven virtues of consuming mushrooms to aid wellbeing. Strangely, they seem to have overlooked the eighth, namely getting smashed out of your skull. Very remiss of them.

Forward to the past once more with a sneaky peek back at Monkeywatch in October 2016…

“Police were called to Second Road after a Chinese bloke on his first visit to Thailand reported that a ladyboy had snatched his gold necklace worth 60,000 baht (yeah, right). The man was distraught and said he doubted that he and his travelling companions would ever visit Thailand again. So that’s 500 cheap tourists and one stick with a flag on it gone forever then.

In another master stroke to promote tourism, the local immigration authorities have decided that foreign visitors must spend their entire stay at the address they registered with immigration on arrival or face a fine of 4000 baht. Could be a bit annoying if you’d planned to step outside your hotel room at some point during your visit.

Reports are coming in that workmen supported by the military have been deployed in Soi 6 to get rid of what have been described as ‘encroaching structures’. Not sure what they’re on about – perhaps they’ll be telling all the girls with silicone implants not to sit outside.

Jomtien residents have allegedly been complaining that the trees on the shoreline are making the place too dark by obscuring street lights. One wonders if these ‘residents’ have any connection to the bunch of cowboys who were paid exorbitant amounts of money to vandalise the trees on Beach Road.”

 

Looks like Pattaya’s pink rabbit girls may have a bit of competition…

Pattaya is currently engaged in a two-day fire safety and evacuation drill on Soi 6. One wonders why Soi 6 has been singled out for this exercise. Enquiring minds need to know.

A local ATM repair technician had a bit of a surprise when he had his collar felt by the local plod who thought he was trying to break into the machine he’d been sent to repair. Unfortunately, the police failed to pick up his tool bag when they arrested him and when he went back the entire machine had been nicked. Justice was finally served when the police traced the man who originally reported the incident and gave him a bloody good hiding.

Finally, Tourist Police came to the rescue of a Lithuanian bloke who was stranded without a phone, money or lodgings. They stuck him in a dinghy to the UK where he was given all three as soon as he landed.

be seeing you

monkeyman