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monkeyman

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Everything posted by monkeyman

  1. Here's Lou performing in Papagayo...
  2. Well it's certainly possible but I won't be putting my shirt on it. I think this is at least the third opening date we've been given.
  3. And for those who don't remember... How many Pattaya locations can you identify?
  4. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to another month, and welcome to more tales from the world’s favourite building site. Rock on. A tourist leaving a local beer garden the other week was somewhat surprised to notice that his shorts had unexpectedly caught fire as he left the premises. It seems that a rather careless Thai workman had been cutting through some metal and had sprayed the walkway with a shower of sparks, some of which had ignited the nether garments of the passing tourist. Having been refused compensation by the workman, the hapless tourist went to the police station to m
  5. The 100 or so food stalls obviously didn't. 😡
  6. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for staying in touch, and welcome to another sneak peek at the latest goings on (or off as the case may be.) Pattaya police have been issuing leaflets to Chinese tourists warning them of online scams. Suppose they’re on about things like advertising Pattaya as a great place for families where they won’t get shot at by gangs or drowned on ferries. Now who would fall for a scam like that? A beach on Koh Larn has been given a major clean up following a rash of complaints about foul smells, flies and litter. This has outraged the Chinese ambassado
  7. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to another New Year, and welcome to Monkeywatch as it enters its 19th year, no less. Doesn’t time fly when you’re taking the piss? Thailand is predicted to have lower than normal rainfall this year, so visitors to Pattaya may only find themselves up to their knees in water rather than the usual up to the waist situation. Life just gets better and better. Three people were injured in East Pattaya when a barbecue unexpectedly exploded. Attendees at the function were forced to dive for cover as sausages, burgers and sundry other items were fired a
  8. Top Gun is indeed the old Pulse Club. Champagne and Bachelors still closed as far as I know.
  9. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and prepare to be transported to a wonderland of Christmas magic and festive delights. Okay, it’s just the same old shit with tinsel on. Let’s kick off with a rather strange tale. A prisoner went on the run a couple of weeks ago after escaping from Bangkok Pattaya Hospital where he’d been taken for surgery on his penis. A surgeon told police not to bother searching for the man as they’d be able to re-arrest him as soon as he returned to the hospital. When asked how he was so sure the man would return, the surgeon replied “Well we’ve stil
  10. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for visiting us once again, and welcome to another session of worm can lid lifting. Tin openers at the ready. So December 15 is the big day when we finally get the near mythical official 4am bar closing times. So this puts us back exactly where we were about 20 plus years ago when many of us were visiting Pattaya for the very first time. Isn’t progress wonderful? Interestingly, it’s been pointed out that the new closing time regulations don’t extend the hours during which alcohol can be served, so you’ll need to buy a shitload of beer before 2am to
  11. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap encore une fois, and welcome to our autumn almanac of stories you couldn’t make up. Well not entirely anyway. A tourist in Thailand turned up at a local airport the other week asking for help as he couldn’t remember which hotel he was staying at. The staff duly made enquiries and told him “Well, we’ve got some good news and some bad news. The good news is that we’ve found out that you’re booked in at The Hilton. The bad news is that it’s the Amsterdam Hilton. There’s a bus stop at the end of the road.” The Department of Marine and coastal Res
  12. Maybe we have a woke tourist in our midst?
  13. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming back for more, and welcome to some more dollops of dirt served up on a Pattaya platter. Engage warped drive. Let’s begin with some good news. It’s been reported that Chinese visitor numbers to Pattaya are declining. Various reasons have been put forward to explain this, such as higher air fares and visa complications, but no mention was made of things like Chinese drowning on sinking ferries, being shot dead in the crossfire between feuding Thai gangs and plummeting to their death from various high-placed locations. Must have slipped the
  14. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to another month, and welcome to more midsummer mayhem in Loony Land. On with the show. Well, we’ve said goodbye to the old Walking Street and hello to the new sign-free and cable-free version. Don’t worry though – if you feel a bit nostalgic, just wander up any of the side sois and see things exactly as they were before. Vehicles have been banned from Bali Hai pier following the discovery of structural damage to its supports. Probably due to the weight of all those Chinese tourists standing on it. Either that or they’ve been eating it. Anyon
  15. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for tuning in again, and welcome to the latest delve into the goings on and goings off in Snigger City. Let’s do it. The construction work on 2nd Road is due to be completed by the end of this month so we can expect to see things get back to normal sometime in 2024. Or 2025. Possibly. The Ministry of Public Health, concerned by a serious shortage of medical personnel, has come up with a radical plan to solve the problem. It goes along the lines of “get some more.” If only the West could think with such clarity. A 19 year old Thai chap sur
  16. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to all present, and welcome to another midsummer night’s wet dream as we probe the pits of Patts. The mayor of Pattaya has personally assured the safety of 2000 Chinese tourists who will be arriving in Pattaya next month. Doubt if this will be much comfort to the other 8000 or so who are expected to turn up as well. After managing to escape from his tour group and losing his phone, a Chinese tourist got pissed as a rat and threatened to jump from his Central Road hotel balcony. So that’s his idea of a threat, is it? Some people did try to talk
  17. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to this month’s look at the things happening in Patts, both big and small. Well okay, just small then. This month the WHO brought glad tidings of comfort and joy for travellers to Thailand by announcing that Covid-19 is no longer a global health emergency. Well how about that? So what will their next up-to-the-minute pronouncement be? That World War 2 is over? Silly buggers. Former Thai Prime Minister and fugitive Thaksin Shinawatra has announced that he intends to return to Thailand in July after 17 years of exil
  18. I do indeed and thank you for your offer, which is much appreciated. New sources of pics are always most welcome.
  19. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming back for more, and welcome to some more tales about the pitfalls of life in the land of sniggers. Shortly before the beginning of Songkran, the boys in brown started carrying out so-called nightclub inspections “to make tourists feel safe and secure.” Not sure that the best way to achieve this is to have police jackbooting their way around nightclubs harassing patrons. One bar owner said he’d had his back doors smashed in, though it later transpired that this related to a visit he’d made to Katoeys ‘R’ Us. Alcohol limits were introd
  20. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap encore une fois, and welcome to another round of unlikely tales, the most unlikely of course being the truest. As if it wasn’t bad enough that the proposed 4am bar closing times have been unceremoniously binned, the boys in brown have now decided, as part of their Tourist Prevention Programme, to undertake a blitz of raids to ensure that the existing 2am closing times are rigorously enforced. No doubt they’ll be aided and abetted by the Anti-Tourist Police to make sure that everyone has as miserable a holiday as possible. Amazing Thailand? Bloody u
  21. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for joining us once again, and welcome to another cavity search into the goings-on in the city of titters. Walking Street clubs and bars have been warned that perpendicular erections are set to be banned from the front of their premises. Shouldn’t be a problem, as in our experience such activities usually take place in the back (or in the case of Katoeys R Us, in the rear.) The Thai health ministry have announced that individuals found in possession of certain drugs will in future incur stiffer penalties. Presumably if one of the drugs is Via
  22. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to another New Year, and welcome to the latest invasion of the yellow peril into Fun City. Well, it had to happen sooner or later, though later would’ve been infinitely preferable. A Thai folk music commentator has been arrested and accused of interfering with a 16 year old boy late last year. Well, as they say in the North of England “There’s nowt so queer as folk.” Well imagine our surprise. Thailand welcomed in the New Year by reintroducing mandatory Covid vaccine certificates for anyone arriving from abroad. Yes, this applied to everybody –
  23. How time flies. It doesn't feel like more than 16.66666666666665 years.
  24. Season’s greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for paying a visit, and welcome to this, our 200th edition, full of Christmas magic and festive fun. Well no, not really. The Thai PM has advised organisers of New Year events to do so taking “maximum precautions.” Against what, exactly? Following the devastating news that China is to ease its travel restrictions in January, we can no doubt expect to see hordes of diminutive Covid-infested yellow pests swarming all over Pattaya in the near future. Reckon most people would prefer a swarm of locusts – though the effect would be much t
  25. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to another irreverent peek through the keyhole at life in ‘Quality Tourist’ City. Yes, the place is overrun with the atrocious little buggers. Okay, down to business. It’s been reported that Thailand is preparing for a big surge in air pollution in the near future. Looking at the latest busloads of ‘quality tourists’ arriving in Pattaya, it isn’t difficult to work out why. Maybe face masks aren’t such a bad idea after all. The Tourist Authority of Thailand has said its plan for 2023 is to target Indians and Malaysians. L
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