Jump to content
Displayed prices are for multiple nights. Check the site for price per night. I see hostels starting at 200b/day and hotels from 500b/day on agoda.


  • Content Count

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won


Everything posted by monkeyman

  1. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to all of you who are still out there, and welcome to another month of Covid-induced vacuum. Hell’s teeth, when will all this crap be over so there’s something to write about again? Well imagine our surprise, Pattaya won’t be reopening to tourists on September 1 after all, not that anyone would have come anyway as all the hotels, bars, clubs and restaurants will still be closed by order of HRH King Covid XIX. Meanwhile, local officials have abandoned their plans to hold a piss up in a brewery as they couldn’t find anyone to organise it. Meanwhi
  2. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to a few more desperate stories from the pits that’s now Patts. Well, any punters who thought they were coming back to Pattaya anytime soon have had their dicks well and truly slammed in the door by the latest pronouncements from the Thai government. What with bars and clubs remaining closed, more masks around than during a Batman convention, and if you’ve got a high temperature you ain’t getting in anywhere, not even a supermarket. The bottom line is if you want to know what it’s like in a Thai prison, take a holiday in Thai
  3. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for keeping calm and carrying on, and welcome to more overtures from the Land of Misery. The Thailand pandemic panic rumbles on, with the authorities still trying their best to scare the shit out of everyone, and they’re certainly succeeding in some cases. Now we’re all for taking sensible precautions but some people seem to be dressing up like they’re going on a day trip to Chernobyl. Pattaya’s favourite sport of balcony diving is under way again, with a young bloke plummeting to his doom from the fifth floor of an apartment block. Reports sa
  4. Classic Bee Gees from the 1960s. Their best song ever IMO.
  5. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once more, and welcome to another month of Covid, so there’s bugger all to write about but nobody gives a shit as they won’t be back in Pattaya anytime soon. Well, let’s give it a go anyway. Four Thai men have been arrested by police for stealing metal drain covers, which they later confessed to doing in order to buy drugs. Police are now searching for drug dealers who accept drain covers as payment for their merchandise. The men were also given urine tests, though it remains unclear how this helped to progress the investigation. A 24 year ol
  6. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for taking the time to visit, and welcome to more dismal tales of Kung Flu City. Well, there’s been one or two minor changes in Pattaya this month. Like all the bars and clubs were shut down on April 9 by order of the local governor, who was allegedly described by one pundit as a “fucksplat” (what the hell does that mean?) Unsurprisingly, this has led to most of the hotels closing down as well. Happy days aren’t here again. According to the latest figures, Pattaya tourist numbers in January this year are down by 1% compared to the same time
  7. It's possible, though I don't recall this being a problem in the past, not even for military coups.
  8. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to more stories from the Naked City. Only kidding, officer – honest. The big news this month is that Thailand is planning to welcome good old Johnny Foreigner back to its bosom by lifting all Covid restrictions in October. Just think, you’ll be able to invite a young lady to your room without having to obtain written permission from the police and the local hospital, and go to bed without wearing hazmat suits. Sounds too good to be true – and if something sounds too good to be true… Meanwhile, there’s a novel
  9. Shit, my dad never used to give me that much pocket money. Miserable old scrote.
  10. Harry said his dad wouldn't answer his calls, so nothing to do with Prince Charles.
  11. Is this the bloke who won't answer Harry's phone calls?
  12. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for paying us another visit, and welcome to another disease-ridden glance around (used to be) Fun City. Thailand has now developed its own Covid vaccine and trials will begin next month. First tests will be carried out on migrant workers, and if these prove to be safe then the next round of tests will be conducted on animals. Finally, they’ll be carrying out tests on Thais in three phases, the last of which is not expected to conclude until well into next year. Guess the Thais will have to endure having foreign muck shot into their arms until then
  13. Greetings Monkeywatchers, welcome back, and showaddy crap to a brand new year of Covid riddled crap. Why do we bother? Well actually, we don’t. A Thai motorcycle rider met his maker last week after crashing into the back of a truck. The police haven’t yet been able to establish his identify, though a spokesman said “We hope to identify him from dental records as soon as we can prise his teeth out of the truck.” A Nigerian chap has been arrested for overstaying his 60 day tourist visa by 7 years. On his arrest, the man said “Man, is my 60 days up already? Don’t time fly when you’re h
  14. Last I heard they'd cancelled all Bangkok flights until October 2021.
  15. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming back for more, and welcome to this month’s edition full of the joys, merriment and magic of the festive season. Bah, humbug. A motorcycle rider was injured after crashing his bike in a graveyard following an encounter with an apparition he claimed was not human. The police officer who attended the scene asked the man if he could be more specific, pointing out that in Pattaya the description he gave would fit just about anybody. One of the Thai protest leaders has been charged with lese majeste after he allegedly used the word ####
  16. The rumour is that the smallish yellowish investors are going for the more upmarket hotels, so they probably won't be in competition with Mr Patel and his mates.
  17. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to more tales from the mythical place that was once known as Fun City. Ho hum. Well, with the first foreign tourists finally being allowed out of quarantine, the Thai government have introduced yet another cracking idea to woo back the tourists - electronic tags. These measure body temperature, blood pressure and heart rate, and send an alert to the authorities if the readings rise excessively. Reckon there’s going to be a whole lot of hotel room doors being smashed down by the boys in brown before too long. And if that
  18. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for dropping in, and welcome to this month’s look at the latest non-events in Tumbleweed City. Well, it looked like Thailand was about to take its first cautious steps in allowing ‘tourists’ back in, though to gain admission you’d have had to be Japanese or Chinese and be prepared to undergo a 31 step administrative equivalent of a special forces assault course followed by two weeks solitary confinement. One wondered why they were giving preferential treatment to the odious little yellow bastards who caused this catastrophe in the first place, an
  19. Guess they didn't know about the signing of the 3 year extension to the lease.
  20. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to another desperate attempt to wring a few stories out of the bugger all that’s going on in Patts these days. The Pattaya Music Festival is set to go ahead with social distancing measures in place, which are expected to be scrupulously observed by most of the public who say they plan to be as far away from the event as possible. Dodgy electrics have claimed yet another victim after a local Thai chap was blown up and flung from the top of a high building while trying to repair a broken air conditioner. His fate w
  21. Greeting Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for dropping by, and welcome to this month’s dive into the crystal clear waters of Pattaya (more about that later.) Walking Street has been redubbed Driving Street following the introduction of a new temporary rule allowing vehicles to use it at all times. Anyone now caught walking there will be cautioned by police and if found to be drunk may face a walking ban of up to a year. Closing times look set to remain at midnight so bars will be forced to keep sending their customer(s) home early for the foreseeable future. FFS, the infection rate is
  22. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once more, and welcome to this month’s look at No-Fun City as it slowly creaks back to life. As foreign tourists continue to have the door into Thailand slammed in their faces, the government is spending billions of baht bailing out their tourist industry by effectively paying Thai people to go on holiday as part of a venture known as “We Tour Thailand”. Hotel rooms, tourist attractions and airline tickets are just a few of the items to be heavily subsidised in order to get the tourist industry moving again. Hotel owners have responded enthusiastica
  23. Greetings Monkeywatchers, and core coon crap for joining us in the arduous task of trying to find something to talk about when there’s bugger all going on. Roll on July 1 so we can start moaning again. Holidaymakers are respectfully reminded that even though coronavirus restrictions are being eased, social distancing measures must still be strictly followed. In order to ensure compliance, patrons of bars should be aware that they will only be allowed to take girls back to their rooms if they are accompanied by a police officer. To help facilitate this, larger beds are being installed in a
  • Create New...