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Everything posted by monkeyman

  1. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to freedom month. Yes, it’s all over. Or is it? Time will tell… The old “Indian who’s reported to police that he’s had his gold chain nicked by katoeys” count has now risen to eight in the last two months. The latest was a bit bolder than the others, upping the ante from 50,000 to 120,000 baht. Just how stupid do they think the insurance companies are? Silly buggers. The patience of the police with all this seems to be wearing a little thin as well, with stories of them throwing statements into the rubbish bin as soon as the
  2. Greeting Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to the latest new dawn for Fun City (oh shit, not another one.) A noodles restaurant in Pattaya has offered its customers a 3000 baht prize if they can eat a 4.5kg giant noodle bowl in 20 minutes. To date nobody has won the prize as most competitors don’t seem to be aware that they should be eating the bowl and not the noodles. Probably tastes better anyway. A Thai taxi driver has been arrested after he knocked seven bells of shite out of a Chinese tourist who thumped his car during an argument over the fare. Comment
  3. Something a little different from Pattaya...
  4. Yes, I should've said "Still officially midnight closing for now."
  5. It's amazing that all the thefts were gold necklaces and all were allegedly worth 50,000 baht. An uncharitable mind might be tempted to think that someone's been churning out copies of a completed insurance claim form.
  6. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to the dawn of a bright new tomorrow (or some shit like that.) Yes, it’s finally happened! After more than two years, bars and clubs will be able to reopen on June 1 without having to pretend to be restaurants (didn’t pretend very well, did they?) Still quite a few strings attached at the moment, but one step at time eh? There’ll be dancing, singing, and before you know it you’ll be able to sit next to a girl (and if you wear a mask, you might even be able to talk to her.) Oh, the sweet taste of freedom! Thai men have b
  7. Best Pattaya music video ever...
  8. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to more tales of gloom and doom from Covid City (and maybe the odd April fool.) TAT has launched a new initiative to attract Indian tourists and expects at least 13,000 of them to arrive this month. The hotel industry has been told to be prepared as they may need to provide up to 500 rooms to accommodate them. Thailand has been given approval to send trainloads of fruits to China. Guess the little yellow buggers must be missing their visits to Alcazar and Tiffany’s. A Thai bloke has become the first in the cou
  9. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to one and all, and welcome to what can only be described as more of the same. Will we ever return to real life? TAT has set a target of 10 million foreign tourists for 2022, and will be particularly concentrating on attracting Indians. Bet the girls in the bars were doing cartwheels when they heard that bit of news. TAT by name, tat by nature. It’s been estimated that the war between Russia and Ukraine will cost the Thai economy in the region of 244 billion baht. Shit, those Ruskies must have been coughing up some serious barfines. Thais
  10. Great news Pete. Hope the Beer Garden gets all the support it deserves.
  11. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for visiting us once again, and welcome to this month’s look at what’s going on in Not-Much-Fun City as the Land of Masks slowly edges towards reopening. Well, more and more bars and go go’s are opening up by calling themselves restaurants, though in many cases all you’ll get is a handful of nuts. So now you know how the girls feel. Pigs were sent flying after an agricultural truck was in collision with a car just outside Pattaya. A passer-by was most disappointed to learn that the sight of the airborne pigs didn’t mean that Thailand had intr
  12. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to another year, and welcome to yet another lap of the lockdown lunacy race. As predicted, the reopening of entertainment venues in Pattaya has been postponed yet again due to the usual mindless hysteria, though bars licenced as restaurants can continue to serve alcohol, but only until 11pm. This is of course necessary to control the outbreak of Omicron and its much more deadly variant, the common cold. There’s also a rumour that go go’s will be allowed to reopen as long as the dancers work from home. Chinese-Thais in Pattaya are reportedly
  13. This is amazing - and they haven't even got a keyboard.
  14. Yes, it makes a nice snack before you go to bed.
  15. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for joining us once again, and welcome to our land of wonder and Christmas magic – and disease, lockdowns and booze bans. The baby Jesus would’ve been spitting feathers if this had happened in Bethlehem. On with the show. Pattaya has announced that it’s fully prepared for the arrival of tourists during the upcoming holiday season. Guess there must be at least one hotel open then. Electric baht buses are to be introduced in Pattaya next year to improve the air quality in the region. Perhaps certain countries could help contribute to this goal
  16. Thanks for that. It isn't easy to write about what's happening in Pattaya when pretty much nothing is happening. Hopefully, planeloads of funny stories will be heading back to Thailand before too long.
  17. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to the great reopening that never was. As predicted, the whole story was a load of old crap and now we’re being told it’s going to be January 16… or not. Oh well, onward and downward. Well, TAT has published its ideas for a new post-lockdown no-sex “quality tourist” focused Pattaya, so there’s only one thing left to do now. Open the hangar doors and get the pigs onto the runway. Over the years and around the world, it’s been demonstrated time and time again that trying to socially engineer tourist destinations is an ex
  18. That was indeed the case but it was subsequently dropped.
  19. Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for stopping by, and welcome to the first rays of hope as Pattaya finally starts preparing to rise like a penis from the ashes. Let’s hope the Viagra works. The main news is, of course, the proposed reopening of entertainment venues (with alcohol!) from December 1. Nuff said. Bet the pigs are already practising their formation flying. Thailand plans to boost its economic recovery by attracting one million “quality tourists” (here we go again) by the first quarter of 2022. They reckon that they’ve learned from past mistakes and will be going f
  20. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all once again, and welcome to more lockdown lunacy, where we can only dream of the time when this is all over and we can return to those halcyon days of social distancing at minus 6 inches (or minus 2 inches if you’re Japanese.) In further pursuance of their disastrous Covid policy, Pattaya has decided to continue with the 9pm curfew and the alcohol ban in restaurants, at least until a decision is taken on whether the city can reopen in November. “Reopening” in this case would seem to involve the lucky visitors being under house arrest in t
  21. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to all of you who are still out there, and welcome to another month of Covid-induced vacuum. Hell’s teeth, when will all this crap be over so there’s something to write about again? Well imagine our surprise, Pattaya won’t be reopening to tourists on September 1 after all, not that anyone would have come anyway as all the hotels, bars, clubs and restaurants will still be closed by order of HRH King Covid XIX. Meanwhile, local officials have abandoned their plans to hold a piss up in a brewery as they couldn’t find anyone to organise it. Meanwhi
  22. Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to a few more desperate stories from the pits that’s now Patts. Well, any punters who thought they were coming back to Pattaya anytime soon have had their dicks well and truly slammed in the door by the latest pronouncements from the Thai government. What with bars and clubs remaining closed, more masks around than during a Batman convention, and if you’ve got a high temperature you ain’t getting in anywhere, not even a supermarket. The bottom line is if you want to know what it’s like in a Thai prison, take a holiday in Thai
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