monkeyman

Another thumbs up for Nam's.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to another year, and welcome to yet another lap of the lockdown lunacy race. As predicted, the reopening of entertainment venues in Pattaya has been postponed yet again due to the usual mindless hysteria, though bars licenced as restaurants can continue to serve alcohol, but only until 11pm. This is of course necessary to control the outbreak of Omicron and its much more deadly variant, the common cold. There’s also a rumour that go go’s will be allowed to reopen as long as the dancers work from home. Chinese-Thais in Pattaya are reportedly

This is amazing - and they haven't even got a keyboard.

Yes, it makes a nice snack before you go to bed.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for joining us once again, and welcome to our land of wonder and Christmas magic – and disease, lockdowns and booze bans. The baby Jesus would’ve been spitting feathers if this had happened in Bethlehem. On with the show. Pattaya has announced that it’s fully prepared for the arrival of tourists during the upcoming holiday season. Guess there must be at least one hotel open then. Electric baht buses are to be introduced in Pattaya next year to improve the air quality in the region. Perhaps certain countries could help contribute to this goal

Thanks for that. It isn't easy to write about what's happening in Pattaya when pretty much nothing is happening. Hopefully, planeloads of funny stories will be heading back to Thailand before too long.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to the great reopening that never was. As predicted, the whole story was a load of old crap and now we’re being told it’s going to be January 16… or not. Oh well, onward and downward. Well, TAT has published its ideas for a new post-lockdown no-sex “quality tourist” focused Pattaya, so there’s only one thing left to do now. Open the hangar doors and get the pigs onto the runway. Over the years and around the world, it’s been demonstrated time and time again that trying to socially engineer tourist destinations is an ex

That was indeed the case but it was subsequently dropped.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for stopping by, and welcome to the first rays of hope as Pattaya finally starts preparing to rise like a penis from the ashes. Let’s hope the Viagra works. The main news is, of course, the proposed reopening of entertainment venues (with alcohol!) from December 1. Nuff said. Bet the pigs are already practising their formation flying. Thailand plans to boost its economic recovery by attracting one million “quality tourists” (here we go again) by the first quarter of 2022. They reckon that they’ve learned from past mistakes and will be going f

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all once again, and welcome to more lockdown lunacy, where we can only dream of the time when this is all over and we can return to those halcyon days of social distancing at minus 6 inches (or minus 2 inches if you’re Japanese.) In further pursuance of their disastrous Covid policy, Pattaya has decided to continue with the 9pm curfew and the alcohol ban in restaurants, at least until a decision is taken on whether the city can reopen in November. “Reopening” in this case would seem to involve the lucky visitors being under house arrest in t

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to all of you who are still out there, and welcome to another month of Covid-induced vacuum. Hell’s teeth, when will all this crap be over so there’s something to write about again? Well imagine our surprise, Pattaya won’t be reopening to tourists on September 1 after all, not that anyone would have come anyway as all the hotels, bars, clubs and restaurants will still be closed by order of HRH King Covid XIX. Meanwhile, local officials have abandoned their plans to hold a piss up in a brewery as they couldn’t find anyone to organise it. Meanwhi

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to you all, and welcome to a few more desperate stories from the pits that’s now Patts. Well, any punters who thought they were coming back to Pattaya anytime soon have had their dicks well and truly slammed in the door by the latest pronouncements from the Thai government. What with bars and clubs remaining closed, more masks around than during a Batman convention, and if you’ve got a high temperature you ain’t getting in anywhere, not even a supermarket. The bottom line is if you want to know what it’s like in a Thai prison, take a holiday in Thai

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for keeping calm and carrying on, and welcome to more overtures from the Land of Misery. The Thailand pandemic panic rumbles on, with the authorities still trying their best to scare the shit out of everyone, and they’re certainly succeeding in some cases. Now we’re all for taking sensible precautions but some people seem to be dressing up like they’re going on a day trip to Chernobyl. Pattaya’s favourite sport of balcony diving is under way again, with a young bloke plummeting to his doom from the fifth floor of an apartment block. Reports sa

Classic Bee Gees from the 1960s. Their best song ever IMO.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once more, and welcome to another month of Covid, so there’s bugger all to write about but nobody gives a shit as they won’t be back in Pattaya anytime soon. Well, let’s give it a go anyway. Four Thai men have been arrested by police for stealing metal drain covers, which they later confessed to doing in order to buy drugs. Police are now searching for drug dealers who accept drain covers as payment for their merchandise. The men were also given urine tests, though it remains unclear how this helped to progress the investigation. A 24 year ol

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for taking the time to visit, and welcome to more dismal tales of Kung Flu City. Well, there’s been one or two minor changes in Pattaya this month. Like all the bars and clubs were shut down on April 9 by order of the local governor, who was allegedly described by one pundit as a “fucksplat” (what the hell does that mean?) Unsurprisingly, this has led to most of the hotels closing down as well. Happy days aren’t here again. According to the latest figures, Pattaya tourist numbers in January this year are down by 1% compared to the same time

It's possible, though I don't recall this being a problem in the past, not even for military coups.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to more stories from the Naked City. Only kidding, officer – honest. The big news this month is that Thailand is planning to welcome good old Johnny Foreigner back to its bosom by lifting all Covid restrictions in October. Just think, you’ll be able to invite a young lady to your room without having to obtain written permission from the police and the local hospital, and go to bed without wearing hazmat suits. Sounds too good to be true – and if something sounds too good to be true… Meanwhile, there’s a novel

Shit, my dad never used to give me that much pocket money. Miserable old scrote.

Harry said his dad wouldn't answer his calls, so nothing to do with Prince Charles.

Is this the bloke who won't answer Harry's phone calls?

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for paying us another visit, and welcome to another disease-ridden glance around (used to be) Fun City. Thailand has now developed its own Covid vaccine and trials will begin next month. First tests will be carried out on migrant workers, and if these prove to be safe then the next round of tests will be conducted on animals. Finally, they’ll be carrying out tests on Thais in three phases, the last of which is not expected to conclude until well into next year. Guess the Thais will have to endure having foreign muck shot into their arms until then

Greetings Monkeywatchers, welcome back, and showaddy crap to a brand new year of Covid riddled crap. Why do we bother? Well actually, we don’t. A Thai motorcycle rider met his maker last week after crashing into the back of a truck. The police haven’t yet been able to establish his identify, though a spokesman said “We hope to identify him from dental records as soon as we can prise his teeth out of the truck.” A Nigerian chap has been arrested for overstaying his 60 day tourist visa by 7 years. On his arrest, the man said “Man, is my 60 days up already? Don’t time fly when you’re h

Last I heard they'd cancelled all Bangkok flights until October 2021.

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for coming back for more, and welcome to this month’s edition full of the joys, merriment and magic of the festive season. Bah, humbug. A motorcycle rider was injured after crashing his bike in a graveyard following an encounter with an apparition he claimed was not human. The police officer who attended the scene asked the man if he could be more specific, pointing out that in Pattaya the description he gave would fit just about anybody. One of the Thai protest leaders has been charged with lese majeste after he allegedly used the word ####