Nightmarch 17 March 2004

[PattayaPete 530]

Looks as though the government of Fearless Leader has backpedalled faster than a brace of trick-cyclists on the issue of witching hour closing for places offering any form of entertainment.

 

Their sophisticated reasoning that reducing closing hours will somehow miraculously see teenagers return to the bosom of the family home full of filial piety instead of Mekhong and soda ignores the reality that they are far more likely to simply roam the mean streets looking for trouble. Of course the next step down this draconian road would be to enact a law forbidding congregations of more than four people without written police permission.

 

So now we have a back-to-the-drawing-board situation in what has resembled a script from a Mack Sennett Keystone Kops slapstick movie. Picture Purely Puritannical, eyes agog at the wheel of an old rattletrap, his faithful offsider Preacher Malcontent slavering at his side, and a batch of brown-uniformed peelers in bell helmets waggling their truncheons as they skid about the wilds of Issan in a frantic search for underage drinkers and hidden stills. The word ‘farce’ may well have been coined to describe just this situation. What’s next, a return to the Pattaya Wisdom Fair on a Saturday evening?

 

Panda Party: Gender-confused Pattayaland Soi 1 is the place to be on Monday evening 22 March when the Spicy Girls ogling den celebrates part owner Panda’s birthday. The usual four-legged lump of pork will meet its maker and be served up to well-wishers looking for a pig and a poke.

 

The den is noted for its good music and friendly atmosphere with cheap lady drinks as well as 45 baht Chang bottled amber and Thai rotgut all night. So, if you’re a regular or have enjoyed a few libations in the chrome pole palace on previous occasions, wander on down for Panda’s birthday party. If you aren’t, as the sign out the front of the den says, ‘balloon chasers bugger off’.

 

Post-Election Dance Contest: The monthly Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) dance contest will take place on Saturday 27 March, commencing around 9:30PM. Entry is 200 baht (females free) with your first drink free.

Apart from the dance contests, a few of the damsels of Diamond have achieved a certain notoriety for their portrayal of Sappho of Lesbos’ favourite acrobatics involving the use of the tongue and not much else. These performances usually commence around 10:00PM and the grapevine has been quick to pick up on the quality and fun element in these shows so that the den fills up with goggled-eyed punters.

 

Far From the Madding Crowd: Fun Town has a number of characters who’ve lived in the place for so long they could regale you with amazing tales of times when Pattaya was not much more than blink and you’ve missed it place. One of these is an ex-pat American known to all and sundry simply by his initials: B.J.

 

He and his family operate the eponymous B.J.’s (Beach Road, north Pattaya; next to Henry J. Beans), a noshery first and relaxing boozer second. B.J. has been in Pattaya since around 1971 and gave his name to the small soi on Walking Street housing the Tahitian Queen 2 ogling den. With lolly water at around 30 baht and Carlsberg bottled amber fluid at 55 baht, B.J.’s is a nice spot to just sit and look out across the bay, far from the noise of beer boozers and karaoke assassins.

 

More Shows Than Vaudeville: Captain Picard, the owner of the highly successful Living Dolls pair of ogling dens on Walking Street, claims to now have no less than 38 different cameos at Living Dolls Showcase, colloquially known as Living Dolls 2, between 10:00PM and 2:00AM.

 

I sat in the chrome pole palace from around 8:30PM until late just recently and watched as the place turned from below average to excellent and almost empty to practically full in the space of a couple of hours.

 

Prior to the commencement of the shows, Living Dolls Showcase is not much different to a host of similar establishments: a clutch of average and bored looking damsels caressing the chrome poles while all and sundry suffer the aural disasters spun by your typical brain dead Thai DJ. However, once showtime kicks into gear, the place fills up and the music for the various cameos is just right.

Libations in the Showcase den are not cheap with bottled amber nectar at 110 baht and liver wasters 125 baht, but the place fills up substantially once showtime kicks into gear. Lady drinks are 99 baht.

 

Value from the Top Shelf: Ever since it first opened its doors (my addled memory thinks it was around 1995), the Happy ogling den (Walking Street) has always proved to be one of the most popular in town. This is in spite of the ‘my-guano-don’t-stink’ attitude of many of the dancing damsels. I’ve always referred to the place as Unhappy, as most of the chrome pole huggers rarely smile, but maybe this is one of the reasons why people keep coming back. Fun Town may well be full of closet masochists.

 

Another reason the bar does well, even outside happy hour (8-9:30PM with draught amber, liver wasters, Thai rotgut and lolly water at just 40 baht), is that for those who like to indulge in the top shelf spirits they come in a large glass and priced at just 95 baht. This is good value when compared with many other establishments who sting punters to the tune of 115 baht plus.

 

How Ya Goin’:{/B] Aussie Mick, who used to operate the now-defunct Playpen ogling den in Soi Yamato, has resurfaced in Sihanoukville, Cambodia. Mick’s new bar and guesthouse is called, appropriately, the G’day Mate Bar, and is located in the centre of town. The bar is open (Fearless Leader and minions take note) 24-hours a day, seven days a week serving booze as well as Western, Thai and Khmer nosh.

 

There are those who claim Sihanoukville is like Pattaya was 20 years ago; others say it’s more like it was three decades or more ago. It’s not a place that’s easy to walk around but a can of the locally brewed Angkor amber fluid costs the equivalent of 40 baht and room rates in Mick’s joint run between US$5.00 and US$10.00 depending whether you require air-conditioning. For those interested in contacting Mick you can call him on 001-855-122-80947 or send him an email: MickDistler@hotmail.com

 

My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com

Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids"

No reproduction without specific reference to: nightmarch@hotmail.com

[stamp4 1]

Pete, just replying to the first part of your post! I agree that the Thai goverment are totally of their trollies!!! Enforced closing hours hit all the Thai workers a lot harder than it does us old letchers!!