poweroper

Allah or the Lord Jesus Christ? The Muslim religion is by far the fastest growing religion in the UK .. Last month I attended my annual training session that's required for maintaining my prison security clearance. During the training session there was a presentation by three speakers representing the Roman Catholic, Protestant and Muslim faiths, who explained each of their beliefs. I was particularly interested in what the Islamic Imam had to say. The Imam gave a great presentation of the basics of Islam, complete with a video. After the presentations, time was provided for questions and answers. When it was my turn, I directed my question to the Imam and asked: 'Please, correct me if I'm wrong, but I understand that most Imams and clerics of Islam have declared a holy jihad [Holy war] against the infidels of the world and, that by killing an infidel, (which is a command to all Muslims) they are assured of a place in heaven. If that's the case, can you give me the definition of an infidel?' There was no disagreement with my statements and, without hesitation, he replied, 'Non-believers!' I responded, 'So, let me make sure I have this straight. All followers of Allah have been commanded to kill everyone who is not of your faith so they can have a place in heaven. Is that correct?' The expression on his face changed from one of authority and command to that of 'a little boy who had just been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.' He sheepishly replied, 'Yes.' I then stated, 'Well, I have a real problem trying to imagine Pope Benedict commanding all Catholics to kill those of your faith or Dr. Stanley ordering all Protestants to do the same in order to guarantee them a place in heaven!' The Imam was speechless! I continued, 'I also have a problem with being your 'friend' when you and your brother clerics are telling your followers to kill me! Let me ask you a question. Would you rather have your Allah, who tells you to kill me in order for you to go to heaven, or my Jesus who tells me to love you because I am going to heaven and He wants you to be there with me?' You could have heard a pin drop as the Imam remained speechless. Needless to say, the organizers and promoters of the 'Diversification' training seminar were not happy with this way of dealing with the Islamic Imam and exposing the truth about the Muslims' beliefs. Within twenty years there will be enough Muslim voters in the U.K. to elect a government of their choice, complete with sharia law I think everyone in the U.K. should be required to read this, but with the Liberal justice system, liberal media and political correctness madness, there is no way this will be widely publicised. Please pass this on to all your e-mail contacts. John Harrison MBE. MIDSc This incident happened in London

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?' 'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me. 'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked. 'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.' 'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?' I asked. 'Are you NUTS!' replied the homeless woman. I haven't had my hair done in 20 years!' 'Well, I said, 'I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my husband and me tonight.' The homeless Woman was shocked. 'Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting.' I said, 'That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine.' You're gonna send it on - aren't you?

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE. George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police dispatcher said "All patrols are busy. You should lock your doors and an officer will be along when one is available." George said, "Okay." He hung up the phone and counted to 30. Then he phoned the police again. "Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have to worry about them now because I just shot them." and he hung up. Within five minutes, Six Police Cars, a SWAT Team, a Helicopter, two Fire Trucks, a Paramedic, and an Ambulance showed up at the Phillips' residence, and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen said to George, "I thought you said that you'd shot them!" George said, "I thought you said there was nobody available!" (True Story) I LOVE IT! Don't mess with old people

MY FIRST TIME---- It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast. I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her legs apart. And when I did it I felt no shame All at once The white stuff came. At last it's finished It's all over now My first time ever At milking a cow . . . NOW ALL U DIRTY MINDS SAY 3 HAIL MARYS . .

Instead of being a smart arse why do you not post the link to help the OP.

Dangerous and bar owners / operators should be more responsible.

BrickiesLabourerinBangladesh.wmv

When Madonna first moved to England she said she wanted to feel more English. She is now an unmarried single mother with 3 children by different fathers, one of them black. Job done.

Wife say's to husband, 'Doctor says I have the tits and arse of an 18-year-old' Husband says 'What about your 40-year-old cunt?' Wife says ' We did not mention you' My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else. She said she wanted to come back as a pig. I said, 'You're not fucking listening' Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later. I love the part where she takes her ring off and walks down the aisle backwards, gets in the car and fucks off. Today an Abbo was found nailed to a tree, stabbed six times and shot twice. Australian police said it's the worst case of suicide they had ever seen. A car bomb was found outside Glasgow mosque today. Police have urged the public not to panic as they have managed to push it inside the mosque. Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me, give me drugs'. She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me you fucker'. He replied casually, 'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your arse but you said, 'Fuck off it'll be too painful', Now who's laughing'

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.' She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.' 'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary.' She said, 'Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come.'

A Scotsman, after a recent football match, is having breakfast, in Paris , coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Scotsman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: 'You Scots folk eat the whole bread??' Scotsman: 'Of course.' Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Scotland .' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The Scotsman listens in silence. The Frenchman persists: 'Do you eat jam with the bread??' Scotsman: 'Of Course..' Frenchman: (cracking his bubble-gum between his teeth and chuckling). 'We don't. In France we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam, and sell the jam to Scotland.' After a moment of silence, The Scotsman then asks: 'Do you have sex in France ?' Frenchman: 'Why of course we do', he says with a big smirk. Scotsman: 'And what do you do with the condoms once you've used them?' Frenchman: 'We throw them away, of course.' Scotsman: 'We don't. In Scotland , we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into bubble-gum, and sell them to France .'

Only idiots drink and drive and you must be a right dickhead to be boasting about it. Think of the other road users.

How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas. How To Shower Like a Man Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohican Wee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time. Admire willy size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again. Throw wet towel on bed. I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!! PASS THIS ON TO SOMEONE WHO NEEDS CHEERING UP, AS THIS WILL DO IT.

Brilliant

An attractive blonde from Cork arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice, at the casino. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm Completely nude'. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'What did she roll?' The other answered, 'I don't know - I thought you were watching.' MORAL OF THE STORY - Not all Irish are stupid and not all blondes are dumb, but all men are men.