Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

Chowing Down on the Game: This is for any Australians or lovers of rugby league who happen to be in Pattaya on the late afternoon of Wednesday 5 July. The third and deciding match of the State of Origin series -played, for those who don’t know, between New South Wales and Queensland –will kick off at around 5:00PM. The Boxing Roo beer boozer and Queensland dingo hangout (on Third Road, about 50 metres north of the well-known Buffalo knocking shop) is the place to go to watch the game.

 

There are three TV screens, the service staff are friendly, there are two good pool tables, and the atmosphere is perfect for watching the match. If you happen to be a New South Wales supporter then you are hereby ordered to come and bolster our flagging numbers. In the second match of the series there were far too many cane toad fanciers in the boozer. They’re worse than English football supporters.

 

Another good reason to put in an appearance is Scoby’s Pizza joint, situated right next door. The owners of the Boxing Roo kindly ordered a swag of pizzas from Scoby’s and they were easily the best I’ve tasted in Pattaya. Everybody seems to have different tastes when it comes to pizza, but I’d be very surprised if the majority of people couldn’t find something eminently edible.

 

Backing the Sand Dames: A good response was forthcoming from my lengthy piece decrying the biased conventional wisdom regarding the freelancers who offer short or long time horizontal services to perambulators along the Beach Road promenade. One person wrote to say my item was, ‘…quite fitting and accurate. I have been with some very pretty ladies from Beach Road who were every bit as good –if not better- than I’ve been with who work gogo bars or beer bars.’ He later noted, ‘Nor have I had any negative experiences with any of the many ladies I’ve enjoyed who work Beach Road.’

 

Another, who said he lives in Soi 2 and regularly traverses the promenade, commented, ‘There’s simply no problem with overly pestering behaviour on their part, usually one must approach them if interested in securing a short-time or long-time arrangement.’ I happened to wander along the promenade on a recent evening and I think my pheromones were surging -or there was an unusual physical bulge in my nether regions- and I was approached by two damsels of the cement blocks. One had a pair of flotation devices masquerading as mammary glands (I didn’t see her face) while the other seductively said, “I want to go with you,” while gripping tightly to the leash of her second-hand seeing eye dog.

 

Back in the Swing: The chrome pole den rightly fingered as the one responsible for the incredible resurgence of Walking Street nearly half a decade ago is back with a vengeance. The Dollhouse was sold in early May to a small consortium of people who are involved in other successful ventures around town. This coterie includes Captain Picard, owner of Living Dolls Showcase and who was the first manager of The Dollhouse. In the first couple of weeks of operation there was no noticeable improvement as far as the quality of the dancing damsels was concerned, but by the start of June a raft of new faces had been enticed through the portals and the place was definitely swinging.

 

Something New and Something New, Again: Could it be third time lucky? Down in Soi Yamato the Hot & Cold II ogling den has re-opened yet again. This narrow single shophouse structure was first tried as a den of the chrome pole in November 2004, and closed just two months later. There was a brief attempt at a reprise in 2005, but then the place was firmly shuttered until May. At the other end of the spectrum is the Hammer Disko on Walking Street. Reputedly costing a massive 100 million baht to renovate, the Hammer is on the site of the former Star Music live music venue. It’s a great spot to watch the passing parade on the strip and the new layout takes account of crowd watchers and is yet another fresh and appealing addition to the area.

 

And just in case you thought the town couldn’t handle any more dens of the chrome pole: a sign above the Siren Bar complex at the entrance to Walking Street suggests a trio of ogling dens and about 15 beer boozers will soon be set to open for business in the spot formerly occupied by that completely useless rip-off joint called Marilyn.

 

Swing Low, Low Season: Every year it’s the same. The tourist numbers suddenly decline and the owners and managers of boozers across the length and breadth of Fun Town search for the reason. This year, of course, there’s a World Cup to blame and the stories about the government enforcing the foreign-ownership regulations regarding free-standing dwellings. Most places admit to a drop of a third or more in nightly turnover, but the better places are still doing well enough and there are a few who are gaining ground as the owners and management tighten up their act.

 

Down in Pattayaland Soi 2, I notice the Kitten Club is offering 29 baht draught amber liquid, all day and all night, which must surely be the cheapest in town. Since I am not much of an indulger in the amber chemicals I have no idea whether it comes in a thimble or a yard glass. In the same soi, the Classroom has a happy hour offering most libations at 60 baht until 7:00PM. In case anyone hasn’t noticed, most dens across Fun Town are now staying open until at least 3:00AM and there are reports of a couple of well-attended joints still going strong beyond even this exalted time.

 

A Fast Show: The Babewatch ogling den (Covent Garden complex, Soi 16, Walking Street) held an in-house dance contest on Sunday night 18 June, offering a 5,000 baht first prize and another 9,000 baht in other monetary enticements. Featuring just 20 dancers, in five teams of four girls each, the contest was run over three rounds and, considering there were World Cup football games taking place, was well attended. The whole contest was compressed into just over two hours, a format which kept most punters interested until the end. While the chrome pole huggers are a mostly pedestrian bunch, the show girls are well worth making an effort to check out.

 

Out of the Rumour Mill: Fun Town is always full of Chinese whispers, the difficulty being always to sort the sensible rumours from the ridiculous. A regular rumour doing the rounds, and it keeps cropping up every few months, is the alleged number of short-time artists who are supposedly HIV+ and work in a Third Road establishment. I cannot guarantee there isn’t some truth to what’s being bandied about, but I would ask the question: if you were a working girl and found out you were HIV+, would you be telling your boss in the bar where you worked, or in any way letting it be known your medical condition was liable to be a danger to customers? Of course not.

 

Now, when the whisper doing the rounds suggests there are up to 17 damsels of the short-time dangle so infected, wouldn’t you start thinking the whole rumour is nothing more than a way of attempting to discredit and thus seriously damage a long-term and very profitable Pattaya business? If you do hear a rumour, ask the person relaying it how they found out. If you can, find out how this other person came to hear the rumour. My guess is that in most cases you’ll run into a dead end long before the source of the rumour can be traced.

 

The Best in the North? Most of the southern end of Pattaya and Jomtien are reasonably well served with nosheries serving French fare, but for those living in and around the northern reaches of the metropolis a new French place opened its doors in mid May. Called L’Ami Pierrot it is located on Third Road, opposite the Pattaya Driving Range and Ursula’s Antiques. Run by the interesting and friendly Didier Pierrot -who has been operating a similarly-named munching den in New Caledonia for the past decade- L’Ami Pierrot is currently open only for dinner, seven days a week.

 

There is a daily set menu consisting of pate starter, salad, main meal, and dessert, all for just 299 baht. There is also an extensive a la carte menu. The pate comes out in two large baking dishes and customers are invited to indulge to their heart’s content. You have to be careful, because the pate is delicious and it would be easy to over-indulge. Pierrot says the pate, and foie gras, can be ordered in amounts above one kilo as a take-away, with two days notice (Tel: 038 370 704). The main meal fills the plate and the desserts are typically rich. The restaurant has eight tables inside and two outside, with plenty of street parking nearby. L’Ami Pierrot opens for business at 6:30PM and is well worth putting on your list of places to chow down.

 

Try this Quick Quiz: What happens to your body as you age? A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental.

 

Piece of Pith: Young men go West, old men go East. (from Jim Tully, a novel by Anthony Aiken, pub. 1995)