two nuns

[tom21 19]

Subject: FW: Two Nuns

 

Two nuns, Sister Catherine and Sister Helen, are travelling

through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are

stopped at a traffic light.

 

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the

hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

 

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Catherine. "What shall we do?"

 

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the

abomination, "says Sister Helen.

 

Sister Catherine switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but

he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

 

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

 

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy

Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.

 

Sister Catherine turns on the windshield washer.

 

Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and

continues hissing at the nuns.

 

"Now what?" shouts Sister Catherine.

 

"Show him your cross," says Sister Helen.

 

"Now you're talking," says Sister Catherine.

 

She opens the window and shouts, "Get the f**k off my car!"

[elro 0]

Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.

 

Maude: What in the hell is that?

 

Mabel: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.

 

Maude: Where did you get it?

 

Mabel! : You can get them at any drugstore.

 

The next day, Maude hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.

 

The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.

 

"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."

 

The pharmacist fainted.