DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS

[Captain_C 28]

40-ish = 49

Adventurous = Slept with everyone

Athletic = No tits

Average looking = Ugly

Beautiful = Pathological liar

Contagious Smile = Does a lot of pills

Emotionally secure = On medication

Feminist = Fat

Free spirit = Junkie

Friendship first = Former very *friendly* person

Fun = Annoying

New Age = Body hair in the wrong places

Open-minded = Desperate

Outgoing = Loud and Embarrassing

Passionate = Sloppy drunk

Professional = Bitch

Voluptuous = Very Fat

Large frame = Hugely Fat

Wants Soul mate = Stalker

 

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:

 

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Sure, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

 

MEN'S ENGLISH

 

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = Let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

11. Those shoes don't go with that outfit = I'm gay

 

And finally.....

 

A recent scientific study found that women find different male faces attractive depending on where they are in their menstrual cycle .

For example, when a woman is ovulating she will prefer a man with rugged, masculine features.

However when she is menstruating, she prefers a man doused in petrol and set on fire, with scissors stuck in his eye and a cricket stump shoved up his arse.

[dogblower 3]

No surprises there then.