MONKEYWATCH - June 2007

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greeting Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another plunge into the pool of pithy prose that pervades the peripheries of Pattaya. Er, sorry about that – desperate for a ‘p’.

 

Well, the boys in brown have been embarking in another public relations exercise with a series of raids on bars in South Pattaya. Assistant district chief ‘Pongo’ Pitajinan claimed that the action was as a result of them getting complaints from tourists that many bars were operating without licences and employing underage staff. It’s gratifying to know that the police recognise the huge importance that the average tourist places on things like this, though they haven’t yet managed to produce any of these complaints or explain how the tourists managed to come by the knowledge in the first place. The offending bars will now be closed for 30 years and their owners are to be burned at the stake.

 

If that wasn’t enough, they’ve also decided to respond to public concerns about Pattaya’s spiralling crime rate by having a crackdown on nudity in bars. This is clearly a very sensible move and I’m sure that we’ll see the number of shootings and muggings plummet overnight as a result of this enlightened policy.

 

There’s an old saying that you can’t buy happiness, a sentiment obviously shared by the owner of this bar.

 

 

Residents of Khao Mai Kaew have been complaining to Pattaya City Council for several months about the discomfort they have to suffer because of the stench emanating from a garbage disposal site near to their village. After much deliberation, the Council has finally agreed to take urgent action to resolve the residents’ problem and have scheduled their village for demolition next week.

 

You might want to visit this restaurant and order the last but one item on the board if you’re feeling particularly horny.

 

 

The strangest story of late has to be the elephant that attacked a pick up truck in Jomtien after allegedly mistaking it for a hostile animal, though we suspect that the result might have been even more unfortunate if the hapless creature had mistaken it for a friendly one.

 

There’s been reports that vandals have been smashing some of the new high-powered street lights on Beach Road. A police spokesman said that he takes a very dim view of this sort of thing.

 

A big problem with flooding recently developed in several places along the new local road being built alongside the railway line, so Mayor Niran Wattanasartsathorn brought in a consultant engineering company to survey the area and come up with a solution. They apparently suggested building toilets for the construction workers.

 

In response to the large increase in the number of Russian tourists visiting Pattaya, a new hotel complex has just opened on Soi 1 which the owners hope will make the visitors feel more at home. Among the delights on offer are luxury apartments…

 

 

…a fully equipped swimming pool….

 

 

…and, of course, extensive recreational facilities.

 

 

In yet another attempt to give the image of Pattaya a bit of a wash and brush up, the Tourism Authority of Thailand and Pattaya District Office have appointed the Baldwin Boyle Group (Thailand) Ltd to take charge of all future publicity, advertising and public relations work for Fun City. The new company has been engaged because it was felt that the image of Pattaya was not being helped by the over-honest approach of their predecessors, Walter Mitty and Co.

 

Finally, fans of Pattaya Council spokesman Mr Yuslas Sakkashit will be delighted to learn that the he is to receive an award next week for his invaluable contribution to the city. He is to be presented with a solid silver ashtray, and this will be followed by a short ceremony in which it will be attached to his motorbike.

 

A parting thought. Is a man who deals in stolen lawnmowers a garden fence?

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

 

(pix 1&2 courtesy of Soi 7)

Edited June 4, 2007 by monkeyman

[kev0184 12]

i love these reports always make me smile. thx

[kunjon 1]

As usual, very fun view of the Fun City.

[Sailfast 503]

[nohlsson1 19]

Great reports!

I just read the whold string. Yeah, I had a little time on my hands.