Self Examination

[BigusDicus 9,878]

"Am I Gay?" Self Examination

 

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are

gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent

the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.

 

2. If you have a cat, you are a Fl aaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog,

but gay -- it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has

a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed.

And just think about how you call a dog... "Killer, come here! I said

get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a

cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be

framed, you're so gay.

 

3. I f you suck on lollip ops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such

nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on

bar-B-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs

feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training and undeniably a

fag.

 

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a

parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is

his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.

 

5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee. A straight man will

never be heard ordering a "Decaf Soy Latte". If you've put a Decaf Soy

Latte to your lips, you've had a man there, too.

 

6. If you know more than six names of non standard colors or four

different types of dessert other than ice cream and pie, you might as

well be handing out free ass passes. A real man doesn't have memory

space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out

chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can

name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are

faggadocious.

 

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you're dying

to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk

at a slow-ass driver or to cut the jerk off. The rest of the time he

needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold

his beer.

[drdod 0]

well that puts me in the clear

[1234 0]

Me too !

[sinbinjack 251]

Oops ,ive always been partial to a lollipop now and again,who loves ya baby.

[SOLOTREKKER 0]

I examine myself every day, I check that I am still alive by looking in the mirror, "yep Im still ere". I take a deep breath, "Yep Im Healthy".

 

I ask myself " So what you gonna do today?", I sometimes answer,

"OK I'll check the FLB Board", I'll ask myself, " do I need a shave today", And sometimes answer, " Nah, I'll leave it for today"!!. Then I'll spend a few moments listening to the instructions that the 'voices' give me, then I'll go to mirror and and ask the guy there, " Am I sane?", and sometimes he will tell me I am, I'm sane of course Im sane, arent I??,

Yea I'm as sane as the next guy!!, No not me I'm not nuts!!, Im as sane as you are, Arent I????.

 

But the voices, those fucking voices, and who the fuck is ringin them fuckin bells all the fuckin time??, cant you hear them??, the bells, the fuckin bells!!!.

 

Nah Not me I'm as sane as you are, aint I, and no I cant hear you because someone is whispering in my fuckin ear all the time, and all the time he's ringin a fuckin bell!!!.

 

So I must be normal, Im sane, Im healthy, and I know I'm not a shirt liftin, gaylord poofter. I know this cause during my normal 25 sessions of masterbation each day, I dont think of men/boys or ladyboys,

 

I think about Bells, fuckin Bells!!!.

 

 

 

 

 

I examine myself every day, I check that I am still alive by looking in the mirror, "yep Im still ere". I take a deep breath, "Yep Im Healthy".

 

I ask myself " So what you gonna do today?", I sometimes answer,

"OK I'll check the FLB Board", I'll ask myself, " do I need a shave today", And sometimes answer, " Nah, I'll leave it for today"!!. Then I'll spend a few moments listening to the instructions that the 'voices' give me, then I'll go to mirror and and ask the guy there, " Am I sane?", and sometimes he will tell me I am, I'm sane of course Im sane, arent I??,

Yea I'm as sane as the next guy!!, No not me I'm not nuts!!, Im as sane as you are, Arent I????.

 

But the voices, those fucking voices, and who the fuck is ringin them fuckin bells all the fuckin time??, cant you hear them??, the bells, the fuckin bells!!!.

 

Nah Not me I'm as sane as you are, aint I, and no I cant hear you because someone is whispering in my fuckin ear all the time, and all the time he's ringin a fuckin bell!!!.

 

So I must be normal, Im sane, Im healthy, and I know I'm not a shirt liftin, gaylord poofter. I know this cause during my normal 25 sessions of masterbation each day, I dont think about men/boys or ladyboys,

 

I think about Bells, fuckin Bells!!!......

 

LOL SOLO