MONKEYWATCH - February 2008

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to another plunge into the murky depths of Pattaya pondlife. Here we go then.

 

There’s been a bit of controversy lately about the increasing number of bars charging entrance fees to non-farangs. This is apparently because such people are classed as undesirables, though coughing up the asking price of up to 600 baht somehow seems to magically transport them upwards to a more hallowed level on the desirability ladder.

 

Elsewhere on the bar scene, VooDoo briefly became VooDon’t as the place was blacked out for a while. It’s now reopened, though you’ll need a bit of black magic to conjure up a girl as they’re pretty thin on the ground at the moment. Same thing happened at Fun Room A Go Go, which allegedly closed because the customers voted with their feet following new management policies that made the place about as much fun as listening to a chess match on the radio.

 

In what can only be classed as a surprise move, Electric Blue has returned to Soi Diamond in the form of a fast food establishment. However, there’s a rumour of a counter-strike in the offing, and we can expect to see McDonalds A Go Go opening on Walking Street in the next couple of months. Should be some nice buns on show anyway.

 

Also shortly opening on Walking Street (well, Soi 15 to be precise) is the new Misty’s A Go Go, replacing the old one in Soi Pattayaland 2 where girls are rapidly becoming an endangered species. The new place, which promises to be bigger and better than its predecessor, should be open within the next 10 weeks and will no doubt offer generous hospitality to those who give it publicity and write nice things about it.

 

This is Pattaya’s answer to Michaelangelo’s statue of David in Florence. As a local official observed, “Theirs might be taller but ours has got a bigger helmet”

 

 

Following an English police operation into the running of brothels in that fair land, the Far East Rock owner has been jailed in the UK. We later heard that, in the best traditions of political tit-for-tat, the UK Rock owner has been jailed in the Far East.

 

Rescue workers were called to a house in Naklua the other Thursday after a monkey went berserk and attacked a couple of students. Press statements said that no police were involved in the incident, so it sounds like the monkey didn’t have any backup.

 

The much-heralded smoking ban in bars comes into force on 11 February, though we understand that there’s a place called Throb where the staff will be more than happy to lend a hand if you really fancy a puff.

 

The local Tourist Board have responded to accusations that Pattaya lacks celebrity visitors by releasing this picture of R2D2 taking a stroll along Beach Road.

 

 

Last week a young newbie Brit tourist staying at the Baboona Hotel on Beach Road was given a lesson in safe sex, Pattaya style. It seems that he had sex with a bargirl then her boyfriend broke into his room and nicked his safe.

 

Our roving reporter, Ben Twilley, stumbled on a story about the Sattahip Police arresting a fortune-teller on suspicion of raping a 22-year-old woman. He allegedly told them that he hadn’t actually done it yet, though he’d give them a definite date if they crossed his palm with silver. The officers were apparently not amused and charged him with being a fake, as he obviously hadn’t known they were coming to arrest him.

 

Two Thai men were arrested on Beach Road on suspicion of drunken behaviour after reports of fight taking place near Soi Pattayaland 2. When questioned, the men told police that they were actually good friends who worked as shoe-shiners and they’d just had a small argument. They denied being drunk, though the police became suspicious after asking the men to provide urine samples.

 

 

The start of the Deckchair Operator meeting held a week last Friday was delayed for two hours as no one could figure out how the bloody hell to open it.

 

And finally, a bit of breaking news. An international court has ruled that Thailand should be closed for 30 days as it doesn’t have the correct licences. Will the last one to leave please turn the lights out.

 

That’ll teach you to close the Monkey Bar you bastards.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[nohlsson1 19]

Thanks once again for sharing your unique insight of Pattaya with us!

[ballbag 2]

never fails to amuse

[onelilley 6]

Very entertaining as always, thanks.

 

onelilley.