5 5 5 5 5 5

[Ergodyne 19]

You know you live in 2008 when...

 

1.) You accidentally enter your password on a microwave.

 

2.) You haven't played solitare with real cards for years.

 

3.) The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they dont have MSN or Myspace.

 

4.) You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the buttons on the TV.

 

6.) Your boss doesn't even have the ability to do your job.

 

7.) As you read this list you keep nodding and smiling.

 

8.) As you read this list you think about sending it to all your friends.

 

9.) You were too busy to notice number 5.

 

10.) You looked back up to see if there was a number 5.

 

11.) Now you are laughing at yourself stupidly.

 

12.) Now you are thinking, "I have to tell my friends about this!"

 

13.) Tell your friends about this if you fell for that, and you know you did.

 

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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem ...

 

In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself. That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starting pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife.

 

At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the

starting pistol.

 

The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?". The man answered,

"Not that well ... when I fired the pistol

My wife shit on my face,

Bit 3 inches off my penis,

and my neighbour came out of the closet with his hands in the air.

 

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How about this, very appropriate for here i think ! : -

 

A soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.

 

He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, "I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you -- please keep your photo and return the others."

 

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I met an older woman at a bar last night. She looked good for a 65-year-old. In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a hot daughter.

 

We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double. 'What's that?' I asked

 

'It a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.

 

I said, 'No' - excitedly. We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'.

 

We went back to her place. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:

 

”MOM . . . . . you still awake?”

 

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The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the US auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black boxes in four - wheel drive pickup trucks in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash.

 

They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the last words of drivers in 61.2 % of fatal crashes were,

 

"Oh, Shit!"

 

Only in the state of Alabama was it different, where

89.3 % of the final words were: -

 

" Hold my beer and watch this ! "

 

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RETIREMENT FUN

People frequently ask us retired people what we do to make our days more interesting.

Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went to town and went into a shop.

We were only in there for about 5 minutes.

When we came out, there was a Policeman writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and said, 'Come on, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'

He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.

I called him a Nazi turd.

He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tyres.

So my wife called him a shithead.

He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first.

Then he started writing a third ticket.

This went on for about 20 minutes.

The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.

Personally, we didn't care.

We came into town by bus !

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.

It's important at our age.

 

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That's all for now folks.