MONKEYWATCH - September 2008

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome once more as we watch the sands of time having their deckchairs removed by Pattaya Council. Okay, on with the show.

 

Police were recently called to South Pattaya to investigate reports of a bomb being found behind the Tamsamakee Temple. Explosives experts summoned to the scene confirmed that it was indeed a bomb, probably from the Indochina conflict of the 1940s, which had failed to detonate. The unexploded device has now been handed over to the military so they can locate the manufacturer and ask for their money back.

 

On 10 August, 2,000 monks and 100,000 civilians assembled outside Pattaya City Hall to take part in the eagerly awaited mass merit-making ceremony. It was later reported that the bottom had fallen out of the merit market due to over supply.

 

A seminar was held at Pattaya City Hall at the beginning of last month to educate pupils from 10 schools on what global warming is. They were later taken to a farm and shown a load of bullocks.

 

Despite the crackdown on drugs in Pattaya, coke dealers can still be seen operating openly on Beach Road…

 

 

If you’re a fan of Club Blu and its carbon copy, Ice Bar, two more blue-tinted clones have emerged in the form of Dream’s Bar on Soi 8 and Bad Cat on Second Road. You’ve gotta hand it to the boys in Blu, they’re shaping up to be the most imitated act since Elvis. Other new bars opening their doors include Air Port Club on Walking Street and 77 Bar on Soi Yamoto.

 

Fancy yourself as the next Hendrix or Clapton? Then get your butt over to The Blues Factory in Soi Lucky Star, where aspiring rock and blues megastars can take part in jam nights once or twice a week. Just to put your minds at rest, we’re reliably informed that erstwhile Pattaya visitor Simon Cowell has been banned from the premises for life, presumably for crimes against humanity.

 

Rumours that a hotel in Pattaya has been harbouring fugitives from justice have been strongly denied by the owner, though he did give us a friendly wave…

 

 

Two Pattaya chaps, a shopkeeper and a garage owner, are claiming to be the inventors of a revolutionary new system that uses water for powering vehicles. Sorry fellers, but it’s been done already. It’s called a steam engine.

 

Firefighters were called out to a huge fire three weeks ago at the Pattaya Cane Company, a furniture factory on Sukhumvit Road. The Indian manager, Mr Deep Doodu, said that all the furniture stocks had been completely destroyed, along with a new line of expensive suits they were planning to sell, though they were now offering a large selection of blazers and smoking jackets.

 

The Friday before last, the Tourist Police arrested a bloke with a wooden penis after he whipped the offending article out of his pocket and thrust it at a Thai woman’s mouth. He turned out to be an Italian and not, as the police had first suspected, the former Nottingham Forest footballer Tony Woodcock.

 

Pattaya is becoming more and more popular with trendy Russians these days, and their 4x4s are now becoming a regular sight on Beach Road…

 

 

Thailand’s first observation satellite, THEOS, had its launch scrubbed for the third time on August 6. Apparently, they’re having difficulty finding a big enough milk bottle to launch it from.

 

Police arrested a Thai chap on Third Road last week after he smashed up a phone booth. When questioned, he told the attending officers that the signal from the phone was disrupting his brain cells. His story was confirmed when further enquiries revealed that he was planning to get rich by opening a Go Go Bar.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

Edited September 4, 2008 by monkeyman

[kimchikid 0]

great job

you seem to be on a roll this month

[nohlsson1 19]

Keep them coming monkeyman! Another fine read as always.

[BlackWolf 0]

MM: As always a great way to start another month. Look forward to each and every one. Means I am that much closer to wheels up. Please keep them coming they are appreciated.