funny quotes about sex

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"What's the three words you never want to hear while making love? Honey, I'm home."

Ken Hammond.

"You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life."

Emo Philips

 

"Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's a pretty good one."

Woody Allen

 

"It's so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up who."

Joan Rivers.

 

"Don't have sex, man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."

Steve Martin.

 

"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it's fantastic."

Woody Allen

 

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that money can buy."

Steve Martin.

 

"My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on."

Joan Rivers.

 

"I think people should be free to engage in any sexual practices they choose; they should draw the line at goats though."

Elton John.

 

"I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I couldn't stand being rejected by men as well as women."

Bernard Manning.

 

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."

Woody Allen

 

"It's better to be black than gay because when you're black you don't have to tell your mother."

Charles Pierce.

 

"An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex."

Edgar Wallace.

 

"According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful" -Robert De Niro

 

"It isn't premarital sex if you have no intention of getting married." -George Burns

 

"Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place." -Billy Crystal