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Nightmarch 11 December 2003


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The Dance Contest of the Year: The Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond, off Walking Street) will be holding its final inter-chrome pole palace dance contest for the year on Friday night 19 December, starting at around 9:30PM.

 

These monthly contests have become increasingly popular and usually by about 11:00PM it’s a case of standing room only. The 12th contest, held on 14 November, featured dancers from Big Willies and Vixens (both in Soi Diamond), Honey, Polo, Living Dolls and Club Electric Blue (all in Walking Street) and Classroom (Pattayaland Soi 2). The 5,000 baht first prize went to a dancer from Living Dolls, second place to Diamond and in third position was Club Electric Blue. One of the pair of contestants from the Honey den took out the Miss Flower contest.

 

Just sign on the dotted line: The well-known Bangkok-based American writer Jake Needham, author of the best-selling The Big Mango, will be appearing in person at the Royal Garden bookstore of Bookazine (Second Floor) for a talk about the great Bangkok novel and a book signing on Sunday 21 December, kicking off at 4:00PM.

 

To entice interested persons through the door, Bookazine will give away 50 copies of The Big Mango to the first 50 persons to attend the signing. If you haven’t read a copy of The Big Mango I can recommend it as a good way to relax on the beach, at the pool or whenever you feel like getting away from the reality of Fun Town.

 

Second Edition: The Pattaya A-Go-Go Calendar has been selling so fast that a second edition of the glossy wall-hanging has been produced. It’s my understanding that photographs have been changed, although the damsels flaunting their wares and the participating chrome pole palaces remain the same.

Basically, anyone who has a copy of the first edition now has a collector’s item; the new version will also retail at just 250 baht and is available from places like Bookazine Royal Garden, Big C and Jomtien as well as DK Books in Soi Post Office and Central Road and participating ogling dens.

 

A Fun B.J.: The former Top Secret I’m-not-quite-sure-what-I-am boozer was closed down around a year ago because it was selling more happy pills than liquid refreshments. However, on 15 December, the plushly-appointed joint re-opened as the B.J. Fun sports emporium and relaxation centre. Located right next door to the Tahitian Queen II ogling den in Soi B.J. (hence the interesting cognomen), the B.J. Fun boozer opens for business at 2:00PM with a happy hour featuring draught amber at 50 baht all day and night.

Apart from showing all major sporting events on large screen TV’s and catering to pool aficionados, the air-conditioned boozer will also be employing a raft of comely lasses to help relieve the pressures of living in a stressful environment like Pattaya. Mention this column and according to the manager, you’ll cop a 10 percent discount on your drinks for that night.

 

Cut It Out: Observant perambulators to Walking Street may have noticed that the alluring sign above the Living Dolls Showcase ogling den was recently changed. I’m told the local plod, probably acting on orders from the Pattaya Reputation Saving Committee, Inappropriate Signage Department, launched a dawn raid on the offending sign and cut out the photos of the young dancing damsels. From memory, the photos showed little more than the girls’ faces and bare shoulders; you can see more revealing photos almost every day in copies of the Thai Rath newspaper.

 

Talking of raids, Big Andy’s birthday party at Club Electric Blue was visited by the local peelers who tested a number of the dancing maidens for illegal substance abuse. Thankfully (for Andy and his management) none of the lasses had been indulging in banned products and all tested negative. Nevertheless, the effect of the raid was to put a dampener on celebrations, so Andy simply had another birthday party a few days later.

 

Five Finger Exercise: The FLB lounge lizard libation room (Walking Street) will be celebrating its fifth anniversary with a party on Christmas Eve; that’s 24 December for all atheists, Muslims, Hindus, Rastafarians and Balloon Chasers. The usual farmyard animals will be slaughtered and served up as part of the traditional free party buffet. For more information it’s worth checking out the popular FLB website at www.flbbar.com

 

Saw Through a Year: The X-Ray ogling den (Soi Zero; opposite Bruno’s) will celebrate it’s first anniversary on 12 December. The Dutch Bandido is still performing the meeting and greeting duties and the play palace has gradually garnered a small but loyal following.

 

Sad to report that Lek, well-known to many Fun Town locals and regulars as the proprietor of Classroom 2000 (Soi 2) as well as X-Ray, had to go into hospital for surgery and was operated on earlier this month. All her friends wish her a speedy and complete recovery.

 

New Renovations: The Susie ogling den (cnr Soi 4 and Beach Rd) had yet another re-opening earlier this month after undergoing a few internal modifications. It becomes the 51st play palace in Pattaya. I wish them well in what is a difficult location to attract custom as well as chrome pole molesters.

 

New Operating Hours: The Spicy Girls Too ogling den (in gender-confused Pattayaland Soi 1) now opens for alcohol intake at 6:00PM with a happy hour that runs until 8:00PM serving draught amber and house liver wasters at 60 baht. Always a friendly joint, it’s worth putting on your list of dens to visit when away from the temptations of Walking Street.

 

Blink and You’ll Miss It: Talk about making use of available space; this is almost unbelievable. The latest addition is the 25th ogling den in Walking Street and the eighth in Soi Diamond and is named New Star (right next door to The Sea chrome pole palace). Forget about trying to swing the proverbial cat in the joint, if you happen to be any taller than a circus midget, suffer from claustrophobia or your nickname is something like Sir Cumference, then you might find this place a little uncomfortable. Of course, if you like to be up close and very personal, with everybody, then this could be just the place for you.

 

Can’t be Bothered Cooking: Although it is astoundingly cheap to eat out in Fun Town, there are times when you just can’t be bothered to walk out the front door just to go for a feed. If you’re like me and your best efforts at gourmet nosh involve two pieces of brown bread and a toaster, then help is at hand. The entrepreneurial Dave and Des have combined their first initials and created a company called Door 2 Door, a professional operation supplying some of the best grub Fun Town has to offer, delivered right to your door.

Door 2 Door operate from an office in Soi Lengkee and have enlisted 14 munching dens to provide food from their a la carte menus and the range covers everything from English, Thai, German, Indian, Italian, Japanese, Mexican, Scandinavian and Swiss as well as seafood.

The management have distributed their menus around Fun Town, but if you can’t find one then just call Door 2 Door on 038 720 222 and a delivery driver will drop one off to your place without charge or obligation.

 

Where’d That Buffalo Go? The former New Buffalo Grill noshery, which used to occupy the corner of Soi Chaiyapoom and Soi Buakhow (next to The Lobby munching den and occasional boozer), has resurfaced in the newly-opened Carrefour shopping trolley centre on Central Road. It has been re-named Le Petit Liegeois, so there is no doubting its French allegiance.

 

None and Buckley’s: Ian, a man who hails from a place called Buckley in north Wales (I didn’t think the principality was large enough to warrant having a ‘north’ part) and a relative newcomer to the delights of Fun Town, made the mistake of wandering into the OK Corral beer boozer (Soi Skaw Beach). I say ‘mistake’ because the following story was related to me by mine host Denis the Menace, always a good source of interesting anecdotes. Future visitors to Fun Town be warned, lest you wind up on the pages of this column.

It appears as though Ian found himself lured behind the stage in the Malibu gender-bender show boozer (Soi Post Office) and was somehow convinced by a lady-boy to let ‘her’ apply makeup to his rough visage. Alcohol may have been a contributing factor. The lady-boy removed ‘her’ top while applying the makeup, showing off a fine pair of silicone-enhanced mammaplasties. According to Denis, Ian told him, “I knew it was a bloke…but I got a hard-on.” We understand Ian, after all you’re from Wales.

 

 

My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com

Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids"

No reproduction without specific reference to: nightmarch@hotmail.com

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