Nightmarch 20 August 2003

[PattayaPete 530]

‘Here we go round the mulberry bush’…again: Pardon me if I stifle a yawn, but in case you missed it, the deputy Interior Minister Preacher Malcontent has assumed the missionary position and instituted a nation-wide crackdown on what he termed ‘lewd shows’ and ‘striptease’ (a somewhat anachronistic term these days).

Preacher has said the dens of iniquity promoting these shows will face a ‘relentless’ three-month clampdown (shades of the war on drugs perhaps?) and claimed the forces of righteousness would receive aid from a few lickspittle foreigners who would report on indecent shows and other nefarious activities to the plod.

The crackdown is definitely serious, as the dancing damsels in Super Baby and Super Girl ogling dens (Soi Diamond) were covering their best assets when last I wandered in. If there are two places in a position to defy any sort of clampdown, it is those; so, the fact they’re not overexposed indicates the bludgeon has been well and truly wielded.

In bellicose language, the minister stated he didn’t care if tourism was effected as the people who frequented these sorts of establishments were the kinds he didn’t want in Thailand, they were low-quality and, “they spend little money and look down on Thai women and Thai people,” he frothily contended. Tell that to the thousands of starry-eyed men sending bucketloads of cash to feed the bank accounts of their avaricious girlfriends (‘but she’s different’); tell that to the hundreds of expat residents who’ve invested sizeable chunks of the folding stuff in houses, condos, motor vehicles, motorbikes and small to medium business ventures in the Kingdom.

Of course, reading between the lines, what Preacher Malcontent really means is that he doesn’t want people here who spend their money at the grass roots level, because the moolah won’t wind up in the pockets of big business but instead goes into the impoverished countryside.

Into double figures: The Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond) will be conducting its 10th dance contest on Friday night 22 August, commencing at around 9:30PM. Entry is 200 baht (for males; free for the distaff side of the species), with the first libation free. These competitions having been drawing more and more spectators, but with the new crackdown in place it will be interesting to see how far the chrome pole molesters are allowed to go in the race for the 5,000 baht first prize.

 

Surely you jest: The Jesters ‘Care for Kids’ Charity Fair will be held on Sunday 14 September, with the sixth Charity Bike Ride taking place earlier in the day. Between them, these events raise a lot of money for the underprivileged children of Pattaya and the day helps foster a sense of camaraderie within the multinational community of expats.

A lot of people devote countless hours to making the event a success, but three men in particular stand out: ‘Woody’ Underwood, the boss of the Tahitian Queen ogling den (Beach Road); Mike Franklin, known as ‘Mr Golf’ in Pattaya; and Kim Fletcher, the ebullient mine host in the Shenanigans lounge lizard libation room and nosh-house (Second Road). It’s a great day out and the money you spend goes to a worthy cause.

 

Shout just a little bit louder please: Although there are a number of genuine contenders, I believe the award for the noisiest clutch of beer boozers has to go to the small group towards the Second Road end of Soi Diana.

The majority of the bar owners must surely be deaf as the cacophony emanating from the banks of speakers in most of the boozers makes parts of Soi 8 sound positively funereal. I know the owner of the Goanna boozer has tried to obtain the co-operation of other operators and link the music so that just one sound issues forth, but his pleas have fallen on deaf ears.

 

Psst…fancy buying into a bar? This year has been a really tough one for many businesses in Fun Town, and as low season begins to bite the usual raft of beer boozers, ogling dens, and nosheries begin to appear in the classified section of the various newspapers and magazines.

I noticed a large advertisement for the Zebra entertainment plaza (Soi 2), offering two beer boozers and a ‘large a-go-go’: the misspelt Lolipop. It didn’t last long as a going concern, although internal problems were certainly a major factor in its demise. Although the Zebra plaza is well placed, for some reason it’s never taken off and has had more facelifts than Elizabeth Taylor.

Just around the corner, on Second Road, the Elvis Pub is up for grabs, although I imagine anybody forking out the readies would be looking to revamp the operation as I don’t think ‘Elvis’ (aka Ritchie Newton) comes as part of the package.

What’s really fascinating is that there are people placing ads looking to buy into boozers. Hope springs eternal, and there will always be those who think they can turn a sow’s ear into a silk purse.

 

My e-mail address is: nightmarch@hotmail.com

Author of Pattaya "Patpong on steroids"

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