Humor and Etc!

[ff29 0]

Here are a few quips of Wisdom for you to ponder.  I was going through my “Jokes and Stuff” file and came across them.  I thought some of you might enjoy them so I’m uploading them to the FLB board.  For those of you that don’t enjoy them that’s OK too because I still enjoy them.

 

FYI, anyone that plays golf and enjoys a good time, the 1st Annual FLB Rideher Cup last year was a blast.  The food was great at the FLB and the whole trip to the links and back on the party bus was excellent.  I know that Ben, from the [smiley=tits.gif] FLB [smiley=tits.gif],  will be putting on an even better one this year.  Consider joining the group and come and play a round or two.  See  all of you this year for the 2nd Annual Rideher Cup, Nov 2-3, 2003.

 

For those of you looking for more info, go to:

 

http://www.freelancerbar.com/rideher.html

 

BTW, for all of you who played for Team Europe in the FLB’s Rideher Cup 2002 I just wanted to inform you that Team USA is going to kick your butts this year.  I plan on being there for the 2nd annual FLB Rideher Cup and I’m bring a secret weapon. . . my [smiley=yikes.gif] WIFE!! [smiley=yikes.gif]   I know! I know!  I’ve heard it all before fellows, “It’s like bring sand to the desert taking your wife to Pattaya.” [smiley=hithead.gif]  She did let me go twice in the last 6 months by myself.   But this time, I think, the only way I’m going to get there is to bring her along and see if she likes it as much as I do.  Maybe, even talk her into living there at least 6 months of the year?  Winters are getting too damm cold for me in northern Minnesota.

 

I just wanted to add that [smiley=angel.gif] Pattaya Pete [smiley=angel.gif] does a great job on this board.  Keep up the good work [smiley=thumbup.gif] Pete.[smiley=thumbup.gif] I’ll be looking forward to seeing all my old and new friends again in Pattaya, and the new ones I’m sure I’ll make from around the world.

 

Signs Of Our Times

 

 

**************************

On a Septic Tank Truck sign:

"We're #1 in the #2 business."

**************************

 

Sign over a Gynecologist's Office:

"Dr. Jones, at your cervix."

**************************

 

At a Proctologist's door

"To expedite your visit please back in."

**************************

 

On a Plumber's truck:

"We repair what your husband fixed."

**************************

On a Plumber's truck:

"Don't sleep with a drip. Call your plumber."

**************************

 

Pizza Shop Slogan:

"7 days without pizza makes one weak."

**************************

 

At a Tire Shop in Milwaukee:

"Invite us to your next blowout."

**************************

 

On a Plastic Surgeon's Office door:

"Hello. Can we pick your nose?"

**************************

 

At a Towing company:

"We don't charge an arm and a leg. We want tows."

**************************

 

On an Electrician's truck:

"Let us remove your shorts."

**************************

 

In a Nonsmoking Area:

"If we see smoke, we will assume you are on fire and take appropriate

action."

**************************

 

On a Maternity Room door:

"Push. Push. Push."

**************************

 

At an Optometrist's Office:

"If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right

place."

**************************

 

On a Taxidermist's window:

"We really know our stuff."

**************************

 

In a Podiatrist's office:

"Time wounds all heels."

**************************

 

On a Fence:

"Salesmen welcome! Dog food is expensive."

**************************

 

At a Car Dealership:

"The best way to get back on your feet - miss a car payment."

**************************

 

Outside a Muffler Shop:

"No appointment necessary. We hear you coming."

**************************

 

In a Veterinarian's waiting room:

"Be back in 5 minutes. Sit! Stay!"

**************************

 

At the Electric Company:

"We would be delighted if you send in your payment.

However, if you don't, you will be."

**************************

 

In a Restaurant window:

"Don't stand there and be hungry, Come on in and get fed up."

**************************

 

In the front yard of a Funeral Home:

"Drive carefully. We'll wait.."

**************************

 

At a Propane Filling Station:

"Tank heaven for little grills."

**************************

 

And don't forget the sign at a Chicago Radiator Shop:

“Best place in town to take a leak.”

**************************

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[doghaus 4]

Sign on a van that I saw in London:

V. Singh

Mobile Phone Installers

"You've used the cowboys so now try the Indians"

[ff29 0]

Flying will never be the same!

 

 

A jumbo jet is just coming into the Tampa Bay, Florida Airport on its final approach.  The pilot comes on the intercom, "This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa. I want to thank you for flying with us today and I hope you enjoy your stay in Tampa Bay".

 

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The copilot says to the pilot, "Well, skipper, watcha gonna do in Tampa?"

 

"Well," says the skipper, "first I'm gonna check into the hotel and take a big crap.... then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the [smiley=tits.gif] huge tits  [smiley=tits.gif] out for dinner. . . then I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and [smiley=bonk.gif] put it to her [smiley=bonk.gif] big time all night."

 

Everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle trying to get a look at the new stewardess.

 

Meanwhile the new stewardess is at the very back of the plane. She's so embarrassed that she starts to run to try and get to the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.

 

The old lady leans over and says: "No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta take a shit first."

 

And how was your flight to Bangkok, Thailand?

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[Imacze 0]

Hey ff29,

 

Great joke  ;D

 

Dont you think its a bit over kill - posting the joke on all the threads of this board ??  

 

Lol

Ian

[ff29 0]

Posted by: Imacze - On: 07/17/03 at 12:07:37

     Great joke    

 

Dont you think its a bit over kill - posting the joke on all the threads of this board ??

 

I didn't know I posted it on. . . [glow=red,2,300]"all the threads"[/glow] on this board?? [smiley=hithead.gif] However, I did post it in the non-members area once so non FLB boards members (yet) may also enjoy them?  Besides, I want to have the most posts for a [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] newbie in one day so as to gain higher status amidst my [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] peers!! [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif]

 

So not to piss off you, Ian, ;D or anyone else [smiley=uh-uh.gif] I'll only post these little known facts, about my European counter parts, once in this thread and let someone else post them elsewhere if they would like??

 

Here are a few things that are from an article I saw called, "AS SMART AS YOU ARE....I BET YOU DIDN'T KNOW THIS !!"

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts. So in old

England, when customers got unruly, the bartender would

yell at them mind their own pints and quarts and settle down.

It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle

baked into the rim or handle of their ceramic cups. When

they needed a refill, they used the whistle to get some service.

"Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired by this practice.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In Scotland, a new game was invented. It was entitled Gentlemen Only Ladies Forbidden.... and thus the word

GOLF entered into the English language.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

I'm sure that A.M. (Mrs Hilly), my wife, and any other women that may what to play golf this year in the FLB's 2nd annual RideHer Cup 2003 will be pleased that the last little known fact, the orginal Scotsmen's concept of the game of GOLF isn't, enforced any longer!!

 

Hope you enjoyed them.

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[Imacze 0]

Cool stuff ff29. Nice to see a bit of humour here. Please keep posting.

 

Cheers

Ian

[ff29 0]

Posted by: Imacze  07/17/03 at 18:43:10

Cool stuff ff29. Nice to see a bit of humour here. Please keep posting.

 

Cheers

Ian

 

Thanks for the [smiley=thumbup.gif], Ian, on my little quips on golf and other humor.  Here's a few more for those of you who may enjoy some of the  ;D stuff on the light hearted side.  Enjoy.

 

Regards,

 

ff29 [smiley=devil.gif]

 

Golf Wisdom

 

     * When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband (wife) will visit.

 

     *  I don't say my golf game is bad, but if I grew tomatoes they'd come up sliced.

 

     *  I've spent most of my life golfing. the rest I've just wasted.

 

     *  They call it golf because all the other four-letter words were taken. Author: Raymond   Floyd

 

     *  The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top. Aiuthor: Pete Dye (His golf courses reflect this belief!!!)

 

     * Golf is played by twenty million mature American or European men (women) whose wives (husbands) think they are out having fun. Author: Jim Bishop

 

     *  It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course. Author: Hank Aaron

 

     *  Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five Author: Paul Harvey

 

     *  Give me golf clubs, fresh air & a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air. Author: Jack Benny

 

     * Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards? Author: Al Boliska

 

     * The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Author: Billy Graham

 

     *  Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing. Author: Ben Hogan

 

     *  Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end. Author: Chuck Hogan

 

     *  If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Author: Jack Lemmon

 

     *  It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling. Author: Mark Twain

 

     *  Don't play too much golf. Two rounds a day are plenty. Author: Harry Vardon

 

     *  Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose. Author: Woodrow Wilson

 

     *  A golfer's diet: live on greens as much as possible.

 

     *  Gone golfin' ... be back about dark thirty.

 

     *  Born to golf. Forced to work. (sometimes with "to pay for habit" included.)

 

     *  My body is here, but my mind has already teed off .

 

     *  Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. Author: Jimmy DeMaret

 

     *  May thy ball lie in green pastures . and not in still waters.

 

     * If I hit it right, it's a slice. If I hit it left, it's a hook.  If I hit it straight, it's a miracle.

 

     *  The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie. Author:  George Deukmejian

 

And for "doggie" and other Scottish friends from accross the pond, you know, those guys with the velcro wallets that scream when they open them. . .

 

[smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif] [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif]

*  Golf is a game invented by the same people who think music comes out of a bagpipe.

[smiley=grins-jump.gif] [smiley=grins-jump.gif] [smiley=grins-jump.gif]

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[wobbly_1 18]

Quote from John Daly

 

I've spent 3 million dollars on on drink and 6 million dollars on gambling.

 

The rest of my money I've wasted.

 

 

 

God and the Devil playing golf.

 

The Devil steps up on the 1st , cracks a 350yd drive straight down the middle of the fairway.

 

God snap hooks his drive in the woods.

 

Before it hits the ground a great big crow catches it in its beak, starts flying towards the green, suddenly it drops the ball, but a squirrel catches it, jumps from tree to tree getting nearer the green.

 

The squirrel drops the ball next to the green. whereupon a rabbit kicks it in to the hole.

 

The Devil looks at God and says ' Are we playing golf or are you just going to fuck about all day'  

 

I do have more but perhaps its best I keep them to myself.  

[ff29 0]

Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of Juan Gonzalez.  "How was he killed?" asked one detective.  "With a [smiley=.gif] golf gun," [smiley=.gif] the other detective replied.

 

"A golf gun?  What in the hell is a golf gun?"  "I don't know?   But it sure made a hole in [smiley=sad.gif] Juan! [smiley=sad.gif]

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[kjvegas 2]

I heard this one around a dead craps game:

 

A woman is out playing a round of golf, she is stung by a bee.  She finishes the round and discovers the bee sting has started to swell.  She goes to the doctor and says "I was stung by a bee it hurts like a bastard and it is starting to swell" the doctor asks her where did it happen.  "Between the first and second hole" the woman says."  The doctor looks at her and says "You had better narrow your stance" [smiley=grin.gif]

[oldmanjohn 0]

I heard this one around a dead craps game:

 

A woman is out playing a round of golf, she is stung by a bee.  She finishes the round and discovers the bee sting has started to swell.  She goes to the doctor and says "I was stung by a bee it hurts like a bastard and it is starting to swell" the doctor asks her where did it happen.  "Between the first and second hole" the woman says."  The doctor looks at her and says "You had better narrow your stance" [smiley=grin.gif]

Good one KJ

john

[smiley=grins-jump.gif] [smiley=grins-jump.gif]

[ff29 0]

A man [smiley=leaving.gif] escapes [smiley=leaving.gif] from a prison where he had been kept  for 15 years.  As he runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it, looking for money and guns, but only finds a young couple in bed.  He orders the guy out of bed and ties him up in a chair.  While tying the girl up to the bed, he gets on top of her, [smiley=kissing.gif] kisses [smiley=kissing.gif]  her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom.

 

While he's in there, the husband tells his wife, "Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes!  He probably spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years.  I saw how he kissed your neck.  If he wants [smiley=bonk.gif] sex, [smiley=bonk.gif] don't resist,  don't complain, just do what he tells you, just give him satisfaction.  This guy must be dangerous, if he gets [smiley=livid2.gif] angry, [smiley=livid2.gif] he'll kill us.  Be strong, honey.   [smiley=love.gif] I love  you. [smiley=love.gif]

 

" To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear.  He told me he was [smiley=scared.gif] gay, [smiley=scared.gif] thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline or KY-Jelly in the bathroom.  Be strong, [smiley=yikes.gif] honey, [smiley=yikes.gif] I love you, too."

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

Subject: Jobs to consider

 

 

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned...

couldn't concentrate.

 

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it,

so they gave me the ax.

 

After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it

...mainly because it was a so-so job.

 

Next I tried working in a muffler factory but that was too exhausting.

 

Then I tried to be a chef -- figured it would add a little spice too my

life but I just didn't have the thyme.

 

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn't

cut the mustard.

 

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn't

noteworthy.

 

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn't have any

patience.

 

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I just didn't fit in.

 

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn't live

on my net income.

 

I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but

the work was just too draining.

 

So then I got a job in a workout center, but they said I wasn't fit for

the job.

 

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as

a historian until I realized there was no future in it.

 

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was

always the same old grind.

 

SO, NOW. . .

 

I'M [smiley=zzz.gif] RETIRED, [smiley=zzz.gif]

 

VACATION IN PATTAYA,

 

HAVE BG's

[smiley=gone.gif] CHASE ME AROUND [smiley=gone.gif]

TO KEEP ME IN

[smiley=bonk.gif] SHAPE, [smiley=bonk.gif]

 

DAILY INTERVIEW BG's AND

[smiley=cheers.gif] PAY BAR FINES [smiley=cheers.gif]

TO SUPPORT THE LOCAL ECONOMY,

 

AND I DISCOVORED THAT I AM

[smiley=angel.gif] PERFECT [smiley=angel.gif]

FOR THIS JOB!

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

You so have to hate when this disease is diagnosed. . .

 

ED ZACHARY DISEASE

 

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had

not had a date or any [smiley=bonk.gif] sex [smiley=bonk.gif] in quite some time.  She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.  Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist, Dr. Chang. So she went to see him.

 

Upon entering the examination room, Dr. Chang said,

"OK, take off all your crose."  The woman did as she was told.  "Now, get down on all fours and craw reery, reery fass to odderside of room."  Again, the woman did as she was instructed.  Dr. Chang then said, "OK, now craw reery, reery fass back to me."  So she did. . .

 

Dr. Chang shook his head slowly and said, "Your probrem vewy bad. You haf Ed Zachary Disease. Worse case I ever see. Dat why you not haf sex or dates."

 

Worried, the woman asked anxiously, [smiley=yikes.gif] "Oh my God, Dr. Chang, what is Ed Zachary Disease?" [smiley=yikes.gif]  Dr. Chang sighed deeply, and replied: "Ed Zachary Disease is when your [smiley=scared.gif] face look ed zachary like your ass. [smiley=scared.gif]

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[doghaus 4]

One day a man, who has been stranded on a desert island for over ten years,

sees an unusual speck on the horizon. "It's certainly not a ship," he

thinks to himself. As the speck gets closer and closer, he begins to rule out the

possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft.

 

Suddenly, emerging from the surf comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman

wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She approaches the stunned guy and says

to him, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten

years," replies the stunned man.  ! With that, she reaches over and unzips a

waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man!  Is that good!"

 

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him.

Trembling, the castaway replies, "Ten years." She reaches over, unzips her

right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him. He opens the flask,

takes a long swig and says,  "Wow, that's absolutely fantastic!"

 

At this point she starts SLOWLY unzipping the long zipper that runs down

the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively and asks, "And how

long has it been since  you've played around?"  With tears in his eyes, the guy

falls to his knees and sobs,  "Oh, sweet Jesus! Don't tell me you've got

golf clubs in there too!"

[ff29 0]

Subject: [glow=red,2,300]Tiger[/glow]

 

Taking a wee break from the golf circuit, Tiger Woods drives his new Buick Rendezvous into an Irish gas station. An attendant greets him in typical Irish manner, unaware who the golf pro is... "top o'the morning to ya."

 

As Tiger gets out of the car, two tees fall out of his pocket.

 

"So what are those, son?" asks the attendant. They're called tees," replied Tiger. And what would ya be usin' 'em for, now?" asked the Irishman. "Well, they're for resting my balls on when I drive," replies Tiger. "Aw, Jaysus, Mary an' Joseph!" exclaimed the Irish attendant.

"Those fellas at Buick think of everything!"

 

32 days 18 hrs 19 mins 16 secs and wheels-up. . .But who's counting?

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

[glow=red,2,300]George Carlin asks. . . [/glow]

 

Can you cry under water?  [smiley=crying.gif]

 

Since bread is square, then why is sandwich meat round? [smiley=banghead.gif]

 

How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered? [smiley=.gif]

 

If money doesn't grow on trees then why do banks have branches? [smiley=livid2.gif]

 

Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny"  for your thoughts"?  Where's that extra penny going to? [smiley=stick.gif]

 

Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity? [smiley=zzz.gif]

 

Why does a round pizza come in a square box? [smiley=puke.gif]

 

What did cured ham actually have? [smiley=Eyecrazy.gif]

 

How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage? [smiley=fight.gif]

 

Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours? [smiley=yawn.gif]

 

If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing? [smiley=scared.gif]

 

If you drink Pepsi at work in the Coke factory, will they fire you? [smiley=leaving.gif]

 

Why are you IN a movie, but you are ON TV? [smiley=hithead.gif]

 

Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground? [smiley=grin.gif]

 

How come we choose from just two people for President and fifty for [smiley=tits.gif] Miss America? [smiley=tits.gif]

 

Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway. [smiley=yikes.gif]

 

If a 911 operator has a heart attack, whom does he/she call? [smiley=toilet_claw.gif]

 

and finally. . .

 

Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural? [smiley=boom.gif]

 

28 days 15 hrs 34 mins 26 secs and wheels-up. . .But who's counting?

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

Here's a little test for you to check out what mental state you're in at the present time.  Look at the picture carefully and then concentrate before deciding what's really there.

 

 

TAKE A LOOK AT THE PICTURE.

WHAT DO YOU SEE?

 

>

 

>

 

>

 

>

 

>

 

>

 

>

 

>

 

>

 

>

 

Research has shown that young children cannot identify the

intimate couple because they do not have prior memory

associated with such scenario.

 

What they will see are the nine dolphins.

 

Additional note: This is a test to determine if you have a corrupted mind.

If it's hard for you to find the dolphins within 3 seconds, your mind is definitely corrupt!

 

This test proves once and for all that you are, in fact, a pervert.  Or maybe you just need to return to Pattaya, Thailand the LOS and make your presence known at the FLB Bar to check out some TG’s.  I think if you saw what I did (perverted big time) all you need is a little TG’s attention and then you’ll just see the dolphins.

 

I hope you enjoyed this one?  I know I did and seemed to think it was kind of had a nice illusional effect!

 

21 days 17 hrs 22 mins 34 secs before wheels-up and off to LOS. . . but who’s counting.

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

Top 17 Bumper Stickers You Would Like To See (or may have already seen)

 

Jesus loves you. . .

but everyone else thinks you are an asshole.

 

 

 

 

Impotence. . .

Nature's way of saying

"No hard feelings,"

 

 

 

 

The proctologist called. . .

they found your head.

 

 

 

 

Everyone has a photographic memory

...some just don't have any film.

 

 

 

 

Save your breath. . .

You'll need it to blow up your date.

 

 

 

 

Your ridiculous little

opinion has been noted.

 

 

 

 

I used to have a handle

on life...but it broke off.

 

 

 

 

WANTED: Meaningful

overnight relationship.

 

 

 

 

Guys...just because you have one,

doesn't mean you have to be one.

 

 

 

 

Some people just don't know how to drive. . .

I call these people "Everybody But Me,"

 

 

 

 

Heart Attacks...God's revenge

for eating His animal friends.

 

 

 

 

Don't like my driving?

Then quit watching me.

 

 

 

 

If you can read this...I can

slam on my brakes and sue you.

 

 

 

 

Some people are only alive

because it is illegal to shoot them.

 

 

 

 

Try not to let your mind wander. . .

It is too small and fragile to be out by itself.

 

 

 

 

Hang up and drive!!

 

 

[glow=red,2,300]

And The Nunber One Bumper Sticker You Would Like To See. . . [/glow]

 

Welcome to America. . .

now speak English

 

19 days 22 hrs 40 mins 59 secs before wheels-up and off to LOS. . . but who’s counting.

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

CHECK OUT THE LINK BELOW AND FIND OUT WHAT THE MOST VERSATIL FOUR LETTER WORD IN THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE IS. . .

 

Enjoy!

 

http://www.aestheticdesigns.net/funny/prop...perenglish.html

 

19 days 22 hrs 37 mins 51 secs before wheels-up and off to LOS. . . but who’s counting.

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

A Little Golf Humor

 

Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed

to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse

to take care of the bill.

 

The three men started talking and bragging about their sons.

 

The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so

successful that he gave a friend a new home for free. Just gave it to

him!"

 

The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a

multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave one of his

friends a new Mercedes, fully loaded."

 

The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a

stockbroker and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio."

 

The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking

care of business. The first man mentioned, "We were just talking about our

sons.

 

How is yours doing?"

 

The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and go-go dances in a gay bar."

 

The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled

about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends

gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio." [smiley=grins-jump.gif]

 

And how’s your golf game coming along?

 

19 days 22 hrs 26 mins 16 secs before wheels-up and off to LOS. . . but who’s counting.

 

That's about 1,722,376 seconds. . . I think.   Tic, Toc, Tic, Toc, it's so stressful for me to just sit here watching those seconds count down.  I just know all the TG's are in waiting for [smiley=devil.gif] "Handsome Man" [smiley=devil.gif] to show up in LOS!

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

[glow=red,2,300]Warning!  Warning! Warning![/glow]

 

There is a new computer virus. The code name is "WORK." If you receive WORK from your colleagues, your boss, via e-mail, or from anyone else-do not touch WORK under any circumstances.

 

This virus wipes out your private life completely. If you should happen to come in contact with this virus, take two friends and go straight to the FLB Bar. Order drinks and after three rounds, you will find that WORK has been completely deleted from your brain.

 

Forward this virus warning immediately to at least five friends. Should you realize you do not have five friends, this means you are already infected by this virus and WORK already controls your whole life.

 

If this is the case, go back to the FLB Bar, buy some lady drinks, and stay until you make at least five friends. Then retry.

 

19 days 9 hrs 37 mins 23 secs before wheels-up and off to LOS. . . but who’s counting.

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

Here's a kind of sad but true cartoon for your viewing.  I know the missing part that women don't have, after having "The Missing Dink" implanted on me, I've never been able to out smart many of them there women folks!  I just can't seem to be able to think right when they’re around.

 

I've been told there isn't enough blood in a man’s body to supply enough blood for two heads to function at the same time. . .all the blood goes from the head on his shoulders to the head in his pants.  Now by this cartoon I'm confused because I'm supposed to be able to think better with this extra part I got?

 

"The Missing Dink"

 

 

14 days 10 hrs 24 mins 52 secs and wheels-up. . .But who's counting?

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

[glow=red,2,300]

Great "Pick-Up Lines."[/glow]

 

Hi Everyone:

 

Ever been lost for a bar or office "Pick-Up Line." Well, here are a few for you to put into your brain's file save for retrivel when you're at a loss for just what to say when you're trying to make the [smiley=bonk.gif] big score. [smiley=bonk.gif] [smiley=bonk.gif] [smiley=bonk.gif]

 

Post back after using them and let me know how well you score with these illistrated [smiley=hithead.gif] knock out killer [smiley=hithead.gif] "Pick-Up Lines" designed to get fast response from your gal.

 

Enjoy. . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

Time is winding down for trip to LOS. . .

 

11 days 18 hrs 59 mins 44 secs before wheels-up and off to LOS. . . but who’s counting.

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

"I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]

[ff29 0]

It looks like some Iraqi rebels that aren't happy with the regime change in their country have now resorted to and almost invisible camouflage. To the US Troops it looks like the "Real Thing." But of course after closer scrutiny it's quite obvious it's not the "real thing" and mearly only a cheap trick to try and fool the troops.

 

It's hard to accept change but I think they may have to get accustom to the new order. I hope all is settled there soon and all can resume a more normal life style hopefully for the better for the Iraqi's and the rest of the world.

 

I've been told by a number of people that have been to Iraq that it has a great potential to become a interesting place to visit as in my opinion Cuba would. Let's hope things settle down soon.

 

I hope this post is accepted in the spirit of levity it was posted?

 

 

Will be off to Thailand in. . .

 

10 days 17 hrs 34 mins and 25 secs and Wheels-Up and off to LOS. . . but Who's counting!

 

Regards,

 

[smiley=devil.gif]

 

ff29

 

[smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif] [smiley=1luvu.gif]

 

[glow=red,2,300]

   "I LOVE THE FLB BAR."

[/glow]

 [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif] [smiley=tits.gif]