ff29

An Scottish golfer playing in Ireland hooked his drive into the woods. Looking for his ball, he found a little Leprechaun flat on his back, a big bump on his head and the golfer's ball beside him. Horrified, the golfer got his water bottle from the cart and poured it over the little guy, reviving him. "Arrgh! What happened?" the Leprechaun asked. "Oh, I see. Well, ye got me fair and square. Ye get three wishes, so whaddya want?" "Thank God, you're all right!" the golfer answers in relief. "I don't want anything. I'm just glad you're OK, and I apologize. I really didn't mean to hit you." And the golfer walks off. "What a nice guy," the Leprechaun says to himself. "But it was fair and square that he got me, and I have to do something for him. I'll give him the three things I would want.... a great golf game, all the money he ever needs, and a fantastic sex life." A year goes by (as it does in stories like this) and the Scottish golfer is back. On the same hole, he again hits a bad drive into the woods and the Leprechaun is there waiting for him. "'Twas me that made ye hit the ball here," the little guy says. "I just want to ask ye, how's yer golf game?" "My game is fantastic!" the golfer answers. "In fact, that's the first bad ball I've hit in a year! I'm an internationally famous golfer now." He adds, "By the way, it's good to see you're all right." "Oh, I'm fine now, thankee. I did that fer yer golf game, you know. And tell me, how's yer money situation?" "Why, it's just wonderful!" the golfer states. "I win fortunes in golf. If I need cash, I just reach in my pocket and pull out $100 bills I didn't even know were there!" "I did that fer ye also. And tell me, how's yer sex life?" The golfer blushes, turns his head away in embarrassment, and says shyly, "It's OK." "C'mon, c'mon now," urged the Leprechaun, "I'm wanting to know if I did a good job. How many times a day?" Blushing even more, the golfer looks around then whispers, "Once sometimes twice a week." "What??" responds the Leprechaun in shock. "That's all? Only once or twice a week?" "Well," says the golfer, "I figure that's not bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish." Just 86 Days 10 Hours 45 Minutes and 9 Seconds The Wheels-Up and Off To LOS Thailand. . . But Who's Counting? Regards, ff29 and The Cash Cow

Doggie, Rick (Thumper^) asked me to relay to you his shirt size: Large - 2XX. Everyone enjoy yourselves and of course Team USA will triumph again. . . but don't let that stop you from having a good time if you're with Team Europe. Regards, ff29 and The Cash Cow PS Hope to see you all at next years 2006 Rideher Cup as we will not be able to get to LOS until 24th of November this year.

Hi Everyone, This year The Ca$h Cow and I will not be able to play in the RideHer Cup. She is needed at her job and can not get the time off that early in November. We will be in Pattaya again this year but will not make it until the end of November. However, the good news is that we will be staying until Feburary of 2006. My wife talked her boss and the company into letting her take her vacations back to back at the end of this year and the beginning of next year. At least we will be able to see a little more of LOS, Thailand on this trip. I know that Team USA will prevail this year so do not plan on Team Europe to run off with it as they may be thinking. We do have some great players coming in from the USA and other sources to insure the winning of The Little Man and His Bitch. . . RideHer Cup Trophy. Hope everyone has a great time and wish we could be there for the MAJOR event of the year. Maybe next year we will make it? Just 196 Days 10 Hours 25 Minuter 11 Seconds Then Wheels-Up and Off To LOS, Thailand. . . But Who's Counting? Regards, ff29 and The Ca$h Cow

Sorry to hear about the tragic news as are all who knew her. I remember her while sitting at the bar having my coffee or a coke and can say she'll be missed by all who met her and knew her. My wife's and my thoughts and prayers will be there in spirit for her funeral service as we will not be there in person until late November this year. Regards, ff29 and The Cash Cow

Mister C and Others Interested, I've been to Thailand on 4 occasions and my wife and I enjoy golfing greatly. Thailand has a number of great golf course and caddies that treat you well. If you are looking a stamp of approval I can speak from experience that doghaus is your man. My recommendation if you're looking for someone you can trust, is a great organizer of golfing events, and will give you, so to speak, a good bang for your buck, then doghaus and Solor Travel would be a good choice. I am confident you and your friends can trust the new travel company, Solor Golf & Travel, he is involved with to preform as promised and at a fair cost. Only one thing I might warn you about, on occasion, poor old doghaus does not always get his ball past the ladies tee box, thus being required to drop his drawers, as a penalty, and then hit his ball. It may happen more than once per round, depending on his previous evenings activities? This rule was introduced to doghaus by myself and thumper^ on one of our first rounds of golf together. He really is a good sport and he will put together a good, fun, and cost effective golfing package for you. Just 295 day 9 hours 24 minutes 28 seconds then wheels up and off to LOS Pattaya, Thailand. . . but who's counting? Regards, ff29

Hi Everyone, Here's one to consider. . . BEER HAS BEEN HELPING REALLY UGLYPEOPLE HAVE SEX SINCE 3000 BC! So don't despair. . . SEX help is as near as your favorite local beer bar. Just 344 Days 46 Minutes and 28 Seconds Then Wheel-Up and Off To LOS, Pattaya Thailand. . . But Who's Counting? Regards, ff29

mR hIllY? yoU tnink yi get problnes sneon fukeced u^ Mes k7eyd brodse an its ina Thai*7& Ned hpkep! Regards, ff29

Hi Everyone, The bus ride was a real trip with Hilly trying to get the driver to slow down from lightning speed on the motorway and Ben trying to prevent him from slowing to a snails pace the golf course was a welcome site. Of courese thanks to Ian we overshot the turnoff by only 5 kilometers but considering all it was not so bad. On the golf course the Cash Cow preformed as promised and almost won closest to the pin only missing it by a half a meter. Too bad, better luck next time, and all that sort of rot. The Cash Cow's caddie was telling her, "One putter L to R," and I was telling her, "No, No, it is about 2 putters R to L!" She replied, "But my caddie says L to R?" I told her, "Your caddie doesn't know what the hell she's talking about!" Well, I was right and the Cow missed the hole. . . which I have also done on occasions . . . even on the golf course. Just as a point of information the only reason the tournament was a tie was due to the Cash Cow's sportsman like conduct in telling our opponents, Hans and Stewart, we were playing against that they had a mulligan to use after dunking both of there balls in the pond. Consequently, the sots won the hole and we halfed the match. Thus giving their Team Europe 1/2 point and Team USA winning the back nine for a total of 1 1/2 points overall. Had the Cash Cow buttoned it up we would have won the frigin match. . . but that's how she is honest, honest, honest, but I have always believed in the saying, "Never give a sucker an even break. . . even the Coach!!" So, as you can see Team Europe owes a debt of gradtatude to The Cash Cow for having even just tied and not lost to Team USA. All donations can be forwarded to The Cash Cow care of Team USA - Iron, MN 55751 USA and of course are not necessary but would be deeply apreciated. All revenues received will be used to help try to return Mr ff29 to sanity after tuffing out the match due to her unpresidented "Sportman Like Conduct" on the golf course. Regards, ff29

To Whom It May Concern: The Cash Cow, thumper^, and myself (ff29) are heading for the airport to start our journey to Pattaya, Thailand - LOS. If all goes well we should arrive in Pattaya at around 02:15 hours 04/11/04. . . if anybody really cares. Looking forward to seeing everyone (oldies and newbies) at the RideHer Cup III for the year 2548 and doing a little small ball. Of course Team USA will once again prevail to retain the coveted Little Man and His Bitch for another year. Our big bird will be leaving the good old US of A in. . . Just 10 hours 52 minutes and 43 seconds then wheel-up and off to the LOS, Thailand. . . but who's counting? Regards, ff29 and The Gang aka; Cheryl; Rick; and Glen

Mr SamBinliner, We now have credible inside information from a very FART smeller I mean SMART FELLOW that The Little Man and His Bitch are now safely in custody of friendly hands. They are waiting for Team USA once again this year to win claim to them for another year at the FLB's 2004 (2548) RideHer Cup III. We will call off Genreal Franks-n-Beans, his FART swatters, and the FART sniffing doggies pursuing you if agree to stay out of town. . . for good. Just 1 day 2 hours 33 minutes and 47 seconds then wheels-up and off to LOS, Thailand. . . but who's counting? Regards, ff29 and The Gang

Mr SamBinliner, You make small fun of our worthy team opponent Mr Doghaus who’s haberdasher he adorns that is sot-after by jealous onlookers such as yourself. Do not make further and futile attempts to schmooze our allies like Mr Doghaus into become one of your stinking FART followers. He and his European troups are far to smart for your foolish and translucent attempts at attracting them into your camp with the hollow promise of your 69 1/2 virgins in your hearafter promised land. They have all the first timers they want right at The FLB Bar. Additionally there are many parties at the FLB Bar each week where they can select from many lovely BG’s. . . one, or two, or three, or more! As many as baht can buy. Just turn over The Little Man and His Bitch trophy and get out of town while you still have the opportunity to do so. You will not prevail in your endeavor to upset the RideHer Cup III by your continued antics. You do not have the ability to deceive Mr Doghaus and his cronies for abroad nor to intimidate any of them to join forces with you and your stinking FART’s. General Franks-n-Beans and his well trained FART swatters and FART sniffing dogs. They are aware of your current location, planning pinpoint strategic attack plans, and waiting for the proper opportunity to move in on and clear you and your odiferous FART’s out once and for all. Do it now without delay. . . turn over The Little Man and His Bitch trophy and then get out of town fast. You know your choices of whom and where you can turn over Team USA’s poor little defenseless trophy. Save yourself and your FART’s the humiliation, pain, and suffering that you relentlessly inflected upon The Little Man and His Bitch trophy. Return them now and leave town very, very, fast. General Franks-n-Beans is only awaiting the GO ORDER to tee off on you and your FART’s from our headquarters in the starters shack. The hammer is going to fall any moment so be prepared to be vaporized along with all of your merry band of gaseous FART’s. More recruits are on the way. . . Just 3 days 10 hours 34 minutes and 14 seconds then wheels-up and off to LOS, Thailand. . . but who’s counting? Regards, ff29 and The Gang

Mr SamBenliner, Our competitor in the Rideher Cup III and the grand pupa of this great international golf competition event from across the ocean, doghaus, is pictured below. I’m sure act will act on USA’s behalf as a neutral party and will allow you to return our trophy of The Little Man and His Bitch. This is your absolute (not the vodka) chance to get him back to the competition before the rules committee meeting on 07/11/04 at 20:30 hrs without harm to yourself and your FART’s. 1luv -jump -jump Otherwise, your fate will be sealed forever. Our General Franks-n-Beans and his mighty FART swatters will make your final arrangements for you and your FART’s to be joined with the 70 virgins. . . well let us say 691/2 virgins. . . (one is a Katoy). . . TIT. As the TG’s in LOS, Thailand say when asked, “What do you want to do,†our answer is the same to you as far as sealing your fate is concerned. . . “UP TO YOU.†So in fact, Mr SamBinliner, the decision is “UP TO YOU†or face or General Franks-n-Beans and his mighty FART swatters for your end. Just 4 days 23 hours 42 minutes 24 seconds then wheels-up and off to LOS, Thailand. . . but who’s counting? Regards, ff29 and The Gang

Yes, Mr Glen can get the girls juices flowing. He is told by all of the lovely BG’s at FLB, “You very handsome man papa; We love you too much; We all want to have your baby.†But it would truly unfair for him to perform at the FLB as he is a paid professional performer and the FLB Bar cannot possibly afford his fee even for a brief “5†minute appearance on stage. They would have to layoff the Ugly Brothers for the rest of the high season. Again, just another attempt to impose terror onto the good clientele of the FLB Bar by Mr SamBinliner. Hip gyrating by Mr Glen would possible cause a 7.2–8.1 magnitude on the rectal scale. . . or is that Richter Scale? As far a making the girls scream they will do that as soon as Mr Glen walks though the door. . . and then hide. But he is still considered “Handsome Man†by most TG’s. Now, I cannot speak for other members of Team USA but bar fines could be a possibility if members of both sides (USA Team and European Team Members) agree to those terms. Losing team members pay bar fines for winning team members? This should not to be considered a negotiated settlement for the safe return of The Little Man and His Bitch trophy. We will not negotiate with you Mr SamBenliner. However, you will be brought to justice and soon! Do the honorable thing. Turn over The Little Man and His Bitch trophy as was suggested in earlier posts to this thread and save yourself future pain and suffering that you and your merry band of FART's are certain encounter! Now this could be a site to be seen as a possible “justice served†punishment for Mr SamBinliner’s dastardly deeds perpetrated against Team USA and their honestly won trophy of The Little Man and His Bitch. Win or lose our commando leader General Franks-n-Beans and his relentless FART swatters will bring this under handed thug and mindless torturer of The Little Man and His Bitch, Mr SamBinliner, to justice on or before 24/11/04 at the rules committee meeting at the FLB Bar. Give up the trophy and agree to your suggested punishment. We now have new information indicating Mr Ben’s possible involvement in this staged attack thrust upon The Little Man and His Bitch trophy. General Franks-n-Beans, his FART swatters, and special FART sniffing dogs are hot on the trail of the masked man. I hope it is not true but all of the facts will come to light very soon. Mr Ben just may be on stage with Mr SamBinliner or even worse. . . could it possibly be. . . is he the masked terrorist Mr SamBinliner himself or one of his FART's? I am confident that the stench in the air will be soon cleared of FART's and more will be reveled very soon. . . including you Mr SamBinliner! Just 8 days 13 hours 11 minutes and 46 seconds the wheels-up and off to LOS, Thailand. . . but who’s counting. Regards, ff29

Mr SamBinliner, As of this writing we have not been notified that The Little Man and His Bitch has not been returned to it’s rightful owners, Team USA. Our commander and fearless leader General Franks-n-Beans will be in town very soon to see to your termination along with your FART’s. Please accept our very last offer to turn in trophy and save yourself from a needless demise. The 70 virgins can wait. . . there are many TG’s to accommodate your needs until your time in the hereafter. . . it is for a long time no need to rush. Here is our alternative suggestion to the last offer for turning over The Little Man and His Bitch to a naturel party. Perhaps the first suggestion of The FLB Bar to Pete or Ann may have been to intimidating and confining a locations for you? Therefore, I will suggest a second location where we will make arrangements to acquirer The Little Man and His Bitch trophy to Team USA’s rightful possession once again. Turn the trophy into Da or Ib at the RG's front desk on or before the RideHer Cup III rules meeting on Sunday 07/11/04. I or one of Team USA’s, straight shooters of golf, will retrieve it and present it at that meeting. One of Team USA’s members will make arrangements for the trophy’s safe return to the FLB Bar for the Sunday evening rules committee meeting. Do not attempt to inflect and further mental anguish nor physical torture to The Little Man and His Bitch whist it will be inflected onto you, Mr SamBinliner and your FART’s 100 fold. This is your final amnesty offer from a life of furry and fire that you will cast upon yourself and your merry band of FART’s. Team USA, General Franks-n-Beans, and our Black Ops Strike Force will be relentless in their per suite of you and your FART’s. Be not foolish! Return The Little Man and His Bitch trophy ASAP to save yourself a serious life of pain and discomfort. You and your FART’s have the opportunity to crawl back into your holes in the ground to live out your natural lives in a way you are used to or we will arrange for your meeting with the 70 virgins. . . soon, gloom, and doom. Time is running out fast. . . Just 9 days 21 hours 34 minutes and 8 seconds then wheel-up and off to LOS, Thailand. . . but who’s counting? Regards, ff29 and The Gang

The Blue Cross Test Mr. Smith goes to the doctor's office to get his wife's test results. The lab technician says to him, "I'm very sorry, sir, but we've had a bit of a problem. At the same time we sent your wife's samples to the lab, the lab also received samples from another Mrs. Smith, and now we're not sure which results are your wife's. But, frankly, it's either bad news or terrible news!" "What do you mean?" said Mr. Smith. "Well, one Mrs. Smith tested positive for Alzheimer's, and the other Mrs. Smith has tested positive for AIDS. And we can't tell which is your wife's test." :crying "This is terrible!" cries Mr. Smith. "Can't we do the test over?" "Normally, yes," says the technician, "but you have Blue Cross Health Care, and they won't pay for these expensive tests more than once." "Well, what am I supposed to do now?" said Mr. Smith. "Blue Cross recommends that you drop your wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don't sleep with her." Just 10 days 16 hours 59 minutes and 35 seconds the wheels-up and off to LOS, Thailand. . . who's counting? Regards, ff29