It's the way I tell em

[Captain_C 28]

I've heard that Apple have scrapped their plans for the new children's iPod after realizing that iTouch Kids is not a good product name.

 

There's a new Muslim clothing shop opened in Brisbane, but I've been banned from it after asking to look at some bomber jackets.

 

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

 

A mate of mine has just told me he's shagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache."

 

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche & mentioned it on FaceBook. I said "I can't wait for the new 911 to arrive!" Next thing I know 4000 Muslims have added me as a friend!

 

Being a modest man, when I checked into my hotel on a recent trip, I said to the lady at the registration desk "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled." To which she replied, "No, it's regular porn, you sick bastard.”

 

The red cross have just knocked at our door and ask if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan, I said we would love to, but our hose only reaches to the bottom of the garden.

[Basil B 46]

If one is going to cut-n-past one should rember where one got em in the first place.

 

http://www.pattayatalk.com/forums/topic/52805-politically-incorrect-jokes

 

PS

Not all of us have Alzheimer's

[nus01 305]

:thumbup

[danboy 151]

[Captain_C 28]

Just heard our local Muslim optician died this morning.

 

Asif Eyecare...

[Captain_C 28]

I am truly perplexed that so many of my friends are against another mosque being built in the western world

 

I think it should be the goal of every western government to be tolerant.

 

Thus, the building of the Mosque should be allowed, in an effort to promote tolerance. That is why I also propose that two nightclubs be opened next door to the mosque, thereby promoting tolerance from within the mosque.

 

We could call one of the clubs, which would be gay, "The Turban Cowboy ", and the other a topless bar called "You Mecca Me Hot."

Next door should be a butcher shop that specializes in pork, and adjacent to that an open-pit barbeque pork restaurant, called " Iraq o' Ribs."

Across the street there could be a lingerie store called " Victoria Keeps Nothing Secret ", with sexy mannequins in the window modelling the goods. Next door to the lingerie shop there would be room for an adult sex toy shop, "Koranal Knowledge ", its name in flashing neon lights, and on the other side a liquor store called "Morehammered." All of this would encourage the Muslims to demonstrate the tolerance they demand of us, so the mosque problem would be solved.

 

If you agree with promoting tolerance, and you think this is a good plan, please pass it on...

[Captain_C 28]

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning

to religion, I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we're stoning her in the morning.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did....

she's 21 and her name's Lucy.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting "pedophile!"

and other names at me, just because my girlfriend is 21 and I'm 50. It

completely spoiled our 10th anniversary.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The thing I love most about this hot weather is the short skirts and low

cut tops.... although, they do make me look a bit gay.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a

spokesman said "We'll struggle to get another man of the same calibre."

-----------------------------------------------------------

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give

him a hand-job. I said "Son, that's 3 schools this year! You'd better stop

before you're banned from teaching altogether."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Remember the 7 qualities for the perfect girlfriend...Beautiful, Intelligent, Gentle, Thoughtful, Innocent, Trustworthy, Sensible. Or in other words........... B.I.G.T.I.T.S.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Just been to the gym. They've got a new machine in. Only used it for half

an hour, as I started to feel sick. It's great though. It does everything -

KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Potato Crisps, the lot.."

-----------------------------------------------------------

Question - Are there too many immigrants in Britain? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said "I am not understanding the question please."

-----------------------------------------------------------

On my Census form there is a question "Do you have any dependants?"

Apparently putting "Hundreds of Africans, Pakis, Somalians, single mums,

Romanians, loafers, smack heads, and non-English speaking people" isn't the

right answer. They've sent my form back!

-----------------------------------------------------------

Prince William says he doesn't want the traditional fruit cake at his

wedding. Prince Phillip says he doesn't give a toss, he's still going.

-----------------------------------------------------------

The cost of living has now gotten so bad that my wife is having sex with me

because she can't afford the batteries.

-----------------------------------------------------------

Some bastard's just pinched a pair of my wife's knickers off the washing

line. She's not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs

back.

-----------------------------------------------------------

[Basil B 46]

Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:

 

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.

 

PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.

[Hami123456 7]

Brain Study: If you can read this you have a strong mind:

 

7H15 M3554G3 53RV35 7O PR0V3 H0W 0UR M1ND5 C4N D0 4M4Z1NG 7H1NG5! 1MPR3551V3 7H1NG5! 1N 7H3 B3G1NN1NG 17 WA5 H4RD BU7 N0W, 0N 7H15 LIN3 Y0UR M1ND 1S R34D1NG 17 4U70M471C4LLY W17H 0U7 3V3N 7H1NK1NG 4B0U7 17, B3 PROUD! 0NLY C3R741N P30PL3 C4N R3AD 7H15.

 

PL3453 F0RW4RD 1F U C4N R34D 7H15.

 

This message serves to prove how our minds can do amazing things! Impressive things! In the beginning it was hard but now, on this line your mind is reading automatically without even thinking about it. Be proud! Only certain people can read this.

 

Repost if you can read this.

 

COOOOL

[Hami123456 7]

please forward if you can read this :)