Monkeywatch - March 2012

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, and welcome to the latest gaggle of gossip and goings on from Fun Central. Here’s the stuff.

 

A Norwegian fellow went to the police after his Thai girlfriend broke into his room safe and helped herself to 25,000 baht, his laptop and his credit cards while he was asleep. The man was said to be shocked at the theft as the couple had been in a committed relationship for nearly two days.

 

It’s been announced that Pattaya is to spend 140 million baht on beautification of its beach, and that the first stage of this wondrous transformation will be to build an extra traffic lane onto Beach Road. The second stage will presumably be to build a sea wall out of dog turds.

 

In an attempt to improve Pattaya’s drainage systems, the council has purchased some new devices to monitor the flow of the city’s effluent. The machine below, for example, incorporates dials that are designed display the flow of urine. The company who supplied them said they’d targeted Pattaya after hearing that it was a very popular place for pee flow dials…

 

 

An Israeli man who was chased and caught by police after running off with a pair of Nike trainers from Big C is now threatening to sue the store for selling counterfeit goods, as he reckoned that if the shoes had been genuine the police wouldn’t have been able to catch him.

 

A new water treatment plant is to be built which it is claimed will supply Pattaya with enough water for the next 20 years – as longer as people don’t anything wasteful with it like showering or drinking.

 

It has been announced that stricter disciplinary measures are to be introduced for baht bus drivers, though they won’t be implemented for another four or five months, presumably to give the girls at The Castle time to restock with whips and chains.

 

‘Innovative’ is probably the politest way of describing this masterpiece of Thai plumbing…

 

 

Time for bar news, and Go Go mania seems to have gripped Soi LK Metro with the imminent arrival of no less than four new Go Go’s. Silver Star on Walking Street has reopened following its ‘renovations’, as has Spanky’s on Soi Diamond. And Coyotee’s A Go Go, which was a Go Go that didn’t have any coyotes, is rumoured to be reopening as a new bar that isn’t a Go Go that will have coyotes, though another rumour says that it will be a Go Go which may or may not have coyotes. Either way, it won’t be called Coyotee’s – or it will.

 

The local constabulary have been keeping a watchful eye on Middle Eastern visitors since that Iranian bloke in Bangkok tried to go out with a bang and ended up legless, as they fear this sort of behaviour may be repeated in Pattaya. Some might say that it already has.

 

New evidence has been uncovered that suggests Thailand may have provided the inspiration for Elmer Fudd…

 

 

A recent sex education exam in Thailand asked students “What should you do if you have a sexual urge?” The answer to this little teaser was given as “Call friends to go play football”. Well at least it explains why their national team are such a bunch of wankers.

 

Rumours that some Pattaya newspapers will shortly only be available online has enraged the local owner of a British style fish and chip shop who complained “Have you ever tried wrapping fish and chips in a iPad?”

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

 

(thanks to short for pic 2)

[Montydog 135]

As usual superb

[Montydog 135]

As usual superb

[kev0184 12]

very good thx.