A few funnies

[jballstate 326]

THE NAVY WINE TASTER

 

 

 

 

At a wine merchant's warehouse the regular taster died, and the director started

looking for a new one to hire.A retired Chief Petty Officer, drunk and with a ragged

dirty look, came to apply for the position.

 

The director wondered how to send him away.They gave him a glass of wine to taste.

The old Chief tried it and said, "It's a Muscat three years old, grown on a north slope,

matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable."

 

"That's correct," said the boss. "Another glass, please.""It's a Cabernet, eight years

old, south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at eight degrees. Requires

several years for finest results."

 

"Absolutely correct. A third glass."''It's a Pinot Blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive, calmly said the drunk.

 

 

The director was astonished and winked at his secretary to suggest something.

 

She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.

 

The old Navy Chief tried it."It's a blond, 26 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don't get the job, I'll name the fucking father."

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Groups of Americans were traveling by tour bus through Holland.

 

As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat's milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. 'These' she explained, 'Are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'

She then asked, 'What do you do in America with your old goats?'

A spry old gentleman answered, 'They send us on these god damn bus tours!'

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back & turned into a pillar of salt, when little Johnny interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "& she turned into a fucking telephone pole!"

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says . . . "Slim, I'm 83 years old now, and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?"

Slim says, "I feel just like a new-born baby."

"Really!? Like a new-born baby!?"

"Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just shit my pants."

[hugobronson 33]

My favourite joke from a bargirl this year -

 

I buffalo is standing under a mango tree.

A mango falls to the ground and the buffalo starts to run away.

Why did the buffalo run away?

 

To get the salt.

 

 

The best part of this joke was she told me in Tagalog and half the bar translated for me.

It took about 15 minutes to tell the joke.

When i finally laughed the whole bar laughed at what a funny joke it was...

 

As i staggered from the bar, and for the next few days, i thought often to myself "Why the fuck did that buffalo run for salt?"

It really annoyed me i couldnt get this stupid joke.

Buffalo? Salt? Why the fuck would a stupid cow run to get salt?

I tried and tried to work this shit out. Didnt happen.

 

About a week later I am sitting at the bar, drunk, eating soemthing and watching the girls.

The same girl who told the joke sits next to me and calls me a buffalo.

I ask why.

She says "you eat mango with salt" and smiles.

 

I barfined her.

Funny girl, smarter than me. haha

 

Cheers

[DrPat 416]

It has to be said, the mango/salt joke it’s not the funniest in the world – but it had a happy ending.

 

Welcome aboard!

 

(PS: In the UK the buffalo would run away to get a compensation claim started.)

[hugobronson 33]

It has to be said, the mango/salt joke it’s not the funniest in the world – but it had a happy ending.

 

Welcome aboard!

 

(PS: In the UK the buffalo would run away to get a compensation claim started.)

 

haha. Cheeers.

It is a good board with some good info.

 

Most BGs seem to know the buffalo joke. They appreciate the effort to understand the culture haha

 

cheers

[papillon 695]

haha. Cheeers.

It is a good board with some good info.

 

Most BGs seem to know the buffalo joke. They appreciate the effort to understand the culture haha

 

cheers

 

It's not a bad joke actually considering how dense many of the Pinay Bargirls are. As you say, it's a Pinoy thing. A joke you probably wouldn't get unless you have been to the Pines and seen them eating Mango with salt.