Monkeywatch - March 2014

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for joining us, and welcome to this month’s squint at Smile City. Let’s get going.

Heard a story the other week about chap in Pattaya who decided to have his name tattooed on his penis but gave up after the first letter. Some say he ran out of money, others that he just ran out of penis.

We hear that a prize-winning Russian pianist gave a performance at a Pattaya hotel last Saturday. Or was that penis as well? No, probably not. That wouldn’t be news.

A local woman was killed the other week after being attacked by her neighbour’s dogs on her own front step. Her family put in a claim for compensation but the insurance company refused to pay out as they said it was an Act of Dog.

Pattaya’s new 3D cinema has finally opened, though reduced tourist revenues have meant that it’s a little less lavish than originally planned…



Currently showing is the new Thai movie blockbuster ‘Monks On Jetskis’, and this will be followed by ‘Yawn’, a musical based on the life of Cliff Richard.

Local officials have held an urgent meeting to discuss the dramatic failure of the Pattaya Beach Bus Stop Scheme, which was intended to ease traffic problems by making baht buses stop only at designated bus stops. It seems the baht bus drivers are using the no-stop rule as an excuse to drive through red lights and run over any policeman who tries to flag them down. The drivers say this is just in retaliation for the police hanging around the bottom of Beach Road and handing out tickets to any baht bus trapped in the middle of a traffic jam. A spokesman said the situation would be looked at urgently as soon as the jet ski problems have been resolved.

A drunken Thai builder has been arrested for trying to rape a woman 31 years older than him. When asked what motivated the attack, he said he was a child molester but wasn’t very good at maths.

Police are hunting a Swedish man after he conned a Thai bloke out of 100,000 baht by selling him a Rolex watch that turned out to be a fake. Now there’s something you don’t hear about every day – a farang scamming a Thai. The slippery Swede even reassured his victim by allowing him to photograph his passport (well, one of them anyway.)

Here’s something you don’t often see when you’re sober…



Bar news now, and once again FLB Bar makes the headlines, this time because of its impending resurrection next week, albeit under new management and a slight name change to Pattaya FLB Bar. Christ, even Frank Sinatra didn’t make a comeback that quickly. Anyway, good luck to the place and all who sail in her. Destiny A Go Go closed briefly for a refurb and is now back in action. Paradise A Go Go has also closed for an extensive makeover following its change of ownership. Booze Lounge 2 has opened on Soi Buakhao and might be of interest to anyone looking for an alternative hostess bar. And Cat’s Corner on Soi 14 has closed – bad news for F1 fans as it was one of the best bars to watch (and listen to) the races.

And now, a new problem – beach booms. These are the gizmos that are supposed to protect swimmers from boats. They presumably don’t protect them from stupidity though, as a couple of cretinous anklebiters managed to injure themselves after trying to use one as a diving platform. Sounds like it won’t be long before the buoys are back in town. The beach booms should not be confused with beach boom booms and beach bums, which are entirely different problems.

A march by 300 people took place in Sattahip last week, apparently to try to wipe out dengue fever. Can you really wipe out dengue fever by treading on it?

“Hello, it’s about this self-assembly nuclear fallout shelter you sold me yesterday…”



A man who had been impersonating an Immigration Officer was arrested by police on Koh Larn last Tuesday after reports that he had been threatening and abusing people, extorting money and generally throwing his weight around. Wonder what gave him away?

A Russian who received hospital treatment for pain in his right knee was later found dead in his Jomtien apartment. Doctors described his condition as ‘satisfactory’.

Finally, Pattaya officials have already begun planning for this year’s Songkran festivities – they’ve all buggered off to Barbados.

be seeing you
monkeyman

[globaljonesey 6]

Yes surprising news about Cats corner. A decent place that had a good client base

 

I think they trebled the rent. Well I dont think, I know they did, but that was at half the previous price

 

Kap pom

[Bob Belzy 150]

Thanks for salving my MonkeyWatch witdrawal symptoms once again.

 

"Heard a story the other week about chap in Pattaya who decided to have his name tattooed on his penis but gave up after the first letter. Some say he ran out of money, others that he just ran out of penis."

 

Presumably he came form Tokyo or another Japanese prefecture?

Edited March 11, 2014 by Bob Belzy

[Sailfast 503]

Another classic. :)