Monkeywatch - May 2014

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, core coon crap for looking in, and welcome to our newest selection of salacious snippets. Game on.

 

Well, Songkran has come round again, and it brought forth some novel events, including a ‘Drink, Dive, Duck’ party at the A-One Royal Cruise Hotel. Unfortunately, the marketing executive who devised it was stopped by police on his way back home for driving erratically and ended up attending a 'Drink, Drive, Fucked' party at Pattaya Police Station.

 

Another special event organised for Songkran was a Buddhist Relics Parade that took place throughout the streets of Pattaya on April 13. The relics in question were obtained from the Sanctuary of Truth, though some suggested that they could have got better ones from some of the local Go Go Bars.

A number of people were arrested in the Siren Beer Bar Complex a couple of weeks ago after police caught them playing “Hi-Low” for money on a pool table. The police carried out the raid following a tip-off, but initially had difficulty finding these lawbreakers as they were hiding behind a group of prostitutes and drug dealers.

 

That old favourite table football is making a comeback in Pattaya after being modified for the Chinese market…

 

 

A Thai bloke was injured the other Thursday after falling off the roof of his condo while trying to get a better WiFi signal for his smart phone. This is the second tragedy to hit the family, his brother having previously drowned in Pattaya Bay while trying to get a better sonar signal for his submarine.

 

It’s been reported that there was a drop in the number of Japanese tourists visiting Pattaya during April. This may be due to them staying home for Japan’s Annual Penis Festival on the first Sunday of last month, though attendance was said to be low as no-one could find it.

 

A local karaoke bar seems to have developed a new way of measuring the popularity of its performers. When a drunken woman grabbed the microphone and started singing in a manner that was appalling even by karaoke bar standards, the audience responded by smashing a couple of bottles in her face. Simon Cowell is said to be considering using this method of contestant appraisal in the next series of The X-Factor.

 

Following the recent political unrest in Thailand, Pattaya has taken delivery of a number of ground-to-air missiles, though they’ve all been gaily painted so they blend in with the city’s atmosphere of carefree holiday fun…

 

 

Time for bar news, and the big story this month is that there isn’t a big story this month. Or too many little ones for that matter. Harem has opened on Walking Street where the G-U-Y poof club used to be. FLB is still a work in progress, though it’s starting to look much nicer now. And the former Silver Star on Walking Street is to reopen as Hades Coyote Club. Don’t all rush at once.

It’s been announced that Thai clothing companies are to supply football strips for 10 teams competing in the 2014 World Cup. So next time you buy some cheap knock-off crap from a Thai sports clothing vendor and it falls to pieces the next day, don’t go back to the stall and kick him in the balls – it might be the genuine article.

 

Local authorities had to send a clean-up team to Jomtien the other Thursday after reports that a 2 km stretch of the beach was covered in oil. An Environment Agency spokesman said the situation has now been rectified and should not occur again as a new law has been passed requiring all Elvis impersonators to wear bathing caps.

So the Bugatti Veyron is a great car because it has 16 cylinders? Well, so has this truck in Soi 1. Count ‘em…

 

 

As part of the Thai New Year celebrations, The Fountain of Life Children’s Center organised an event to show 50 lucky kids the traditional side and spiritual meaning of the Songkran festival. They herded them onto the car park and turned a water cannon on them.

A Bangkok taxi driver was scammed out of 3500 baht the other week by a Thai chappie in Pattaya. Apparently, the chap approached the taxi and told the driver he worked for a hotel where a foreign customer was willing to pay 12000 baht for a provincial tour. However, he wanted 3500 baht up front before he’d introduce the driver to the customer. The pair proceeded to the hotel where the 3500 baht was handed over and the driver was told to wait in the car park while chummie went inside and fetched the customer. Our witless wonder waited patiently on the car park for an hour and then started to get suspicious, so he went into the hotel and was told that, surprise surprise, the Thai bloke didn’t work for them and the foreign customer didn’t exist. Reckon this dude’s brain is the only thing on earth smaller than the exhibits at that Japanese Penis Festival.

 

Finally, Thaksin Shinawatra has appealed to Thais to use Songkran as a starting point for forgiving and forgetting the events of the past and rediscovering their traditional values and culture. For those who don’t know, Thaksin is the bloke who used to run Thailand but is best remembered for buying a Tie Rack tie and then naming his political party after it.

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[teelack]

Always good to hear from you. Keep them cumming!

Edited May 4, 2014 by teelack

[MM]

My favorite line of this month's entry...

 

 

 

A number of people were arrested in the Siren Beer Bar Complex a couple of weeks ago after police caught them playing “Hi-Low” for money on a pool table. The police carried out the raid following a tip-off, but initially had difficulty finding these lawbreakers as they were hiding behind a group of prostitutes and drug dealers.

[Nightrider]

Great reading as per usual monkey........