Monkeywatch - February 2015

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once again, and welcome to another month in paradise - and all the other Go Go Bars too. Away.

 

Police were called to a South Pattaya Go Kart track after reports of a punch up between Thai staff and some Kuwaiti nationals following an argument about the quality of the vehicles provided for hire. The Kuwaitis demanded arrests and a full apology, telling police that this was no way to treat distinguished foreign visitors. The police agreed, but added that this was exactly the way to treat ignorant loud mouthed stinking pigs and told them to bugger off.

 

One of the ways the Thai government is exploring to increase tourism is apparently to promote what they call ‘water tourism’. Some bars have already embraced the concept by watering down their beer and putting on more shower shows.

 

Fun City has a new hero – The Pattaya Flasher. The young rascal in question is a Thai lad who stopped his motorbike behind a clinic in Central Pattaya and exposed his dong to bemused staff before pulling off. Then after he’d pulled off, he rode away, leaving the surprised onlookers to do what any right-minded citizen would do - post photos of his genitalia on Facebook. Police suspect he may be the same chap who stole some women’s underwear from a washing line (didn’t Pink Floyd write a song about this in the 60s?) and then went on a flashing spree back in September. The photos of the latest incident were confiscated by police and can now be purchased from any moderately disreputable street vendor. Latest update is that the police have a suspect in custody. The identity parade could prove to be interesting.

 

Beach Road was busy the other week when the local tourist organisation put on a Fancy Dress Party for Chinese tourists…

 

 

The Tourism Authority of Thailand held a New Year party to thank the media and local businesses for promoting its work and helping it to stay right at the front of the Pattaya social scene. The party took place on January 13.

 

It was Gunfight At The OK Cholchan a couple of weeks back when a punch up between Chinese tour guides in the restaurant next to the hotel spilled out into the street and turned into a full scale shootout in which a Chinese tourist had a gun held to his head. This led to what was described as “more than 20 Chinese tourists” (so it was probably about 100) immediately checking out of the hotel and fleeing for their lives. At this rate we could be rid of the Chinese from Pattaya even more quickly than the Russians.

 

Why are there all those big signs over the roads with Ban Chang on them? If people don’t like the stuff they don’t have to drink it.

 

Pattaya has launched its very own MP3 player though they seem to have some minor miniaturisation issues to iron out…

 

 

Bar news now, and the long awaited Skyfall has fallen upon us with lots of swish décor but a lamentable lack of naughty bits on show. Hopefully, adjustments will be made at the appropriate juncture. One of the oldest established bars in Pattaya, Supergirl, finally bit the dust and the staff transferred to sister bar Superbaby. However, it’s already been announced that the place it to reopen under new management so it seems that the Yellow Peril can sleep easy in their beds.

Some of you will no doubt have got to see the new BBC documentary series ‘Bangkok Airport’, which shows the self-proclaimed ‘Airport of Smiles’ to be full of happy, smiley, helpful staff who love their jobs and their passengers. After witnessing the first few episodes of this compelling little series, one has to marvel at how they managed to keep the usual bunch of miserable, surly, po-faced individuals that man the airport out of the way of the cameras for such a long period of time.

 

A meeting was held last week between Pattaya local officials and the Tourism Committee to discuss how to deal with the downturn in tourism. Various options were discussed, after which they decided to ramp up the bar raids and arrest everybody on Beach Road. Job done.

 

The winner of the Pattaya Invention of the Year competition is this handy portable urinal…

 

 

There have recently been several reports about extensive alcohol abuse in Pattaya but our research shows this to be untrue as people only seem to be using it for the purpose for which it was intended.

Authorities are investigating reports that sexual activity has been taking place on a beach in North Pattaya. A spokesman said this was clearly unacceptable and people should confine such behaviour to appropriate locations, like on top of a table in a Go Go Bar.

 

A 52 year old monk has been de-monked and arrested after being accused of having naughties with his 10 year old stepdaughter. In his defence, the man said the whole thing was a mistake that happened after the Chief Abbot told him he had a ‘glittering' career ahead of him. He was told he could expect to spend a long time in Savile Row, but would be making another mistake if he thought it was going to be the one in London. Suit you sir?

 

be seeing you

monkeyman

[MM]

 

 

A meeting was held last week between Pattaya local officials and the Tourism Committee to discuss how to deal with the downturn in tourism. Various options were discussed, after which they decided to ramp up the bar raids and arrest everybody on Beach Road. Job done.

This one got a big laugh...

[teelack]

Thanks. I like the Ban Chang one.

[rnine]

Thank you Monkeyman, I'm loving your work sir.

[Nightrider]

A great read as per usual monkey............