Monkeywatch - September 2020

[monkeyman 1,604]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to another desperate attempt to wring a few stories out of the bugger all that’s going on in Patts these days.

The Pattaya Music Festival is set to go ahead with social distancing measures in place, which are expected to be scrupulously observed by most of the public who say they plan to be as far away from the event as possible.

Dodgy electrics have claimed yet another victim after a local Thai chap was blown up and flung from the top of a high building while trying to repair a broken air conditioner. His fate was not immediately recognised as his remains at the foot of the building were initially mistaken for a discarded takeaway curry. He probably would’ve tasted better than some of the takeaway curries we’ve had lately.

A fire in North Pattaya has destroyed a six storey building and a warehouse. Authorities tried to put a positive spin on the affair by pointing out that no foreign tourists were injured.

So who dreams of large green erections then?...

Police called a meeting of 130 entertainment venue owners earlier this month to check that they were still adhering to coronavirus restrictions. The owners said they were and the police thanked them and sent them on their way. Law enforcement at its finest.

Banglamung officials have been carrying out spot checks on bars in Pattaya to ensure the Covid 19 rules are being followed. A spokesman confirmed they hadn’t found any customers breaking the rules, though he later admitted this was probably because they hadn’t actually found any customers.

Pattaya is a place where the expression “elephant in the room” now has its own special meaning. The other night, a local man was woken by a commotion in his house, and on turning on the light was surprised to discover – you guessed it - an elephant in the room. That’s the trouble with elephants you see – they just take things too literally.  

Police are seeking a Thai man who’s been scamming people for parking fees on Beach Road by cunningly disguising himself as a traffic warden…

Bar news now, and we start with the surprise return of Classroom to Soi Pattayaland. Just like the old days? Who knows? Baccara is also set to reopen, allegedly today. Wonder what the line-up will be like? Devil’s Den has closed down but plans to reopen in a new location when the tourists are allowed to return – if they ever are.

A fake bank robbery was staged by Pattaya police last week for some reason or another (probably didn’t have anything else to do). After about 20 minutes of intensive police work, two Burmese workers were arrested but both claimed they’d been fitted up and the money used for the exercise has mysteriously disappeared. The men were nonetheless found to be guilty and will face a firing squad next week, though as it was only a drill the guns won’t be loaded – well, most of them won’t.

Time for a time slip in the shape of a couple of old clippings from Monkeywatch in September 2010…

“Punch-ups in Patts are big news at the moment, and there was another one a couple of Sundays ago in which six Thai blokes attacked a chap and gave him a good kicking. Nothing new you may say, except that this time it wasn’t at a bar or Go Go, it was at the Sutawat Temple in East Pattaya - and all the brawlers were monks. Hell’s teeth, what’s the world coming to? The way things are going you’ll have to be careful how you look at a nun if you don’t want her boot in your groin.    

A double suicide was reported to have taken place in North Pattaya the other Friday. Funny, I thought you could only do it once.”

Another example of why Pattaya is the destination of choice for quality tourists…

Local health officials wish to make it clear that the medical advice recently given stating that condoms should always be used for the duration of the current pandemic was only meant to apply to people while they were having sex.

Thailand has been added to the UK travel corridor list so Brits can now travel freely to the Land of Smiles – and be sent straight back home when they do.

Finally, it’s been incorrectly reported in some quarters that Thailand is to consider granting permanent residence to anyone who buys a condom. In fact, you have to buy a condo. Shit, and I bought a whole bloody packet.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[4wheels 119]

5 hours ago, monkeyman said:

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap for another month, and welcome to another desperate attempt to wring a few stories out of the bugger all that’s going on in Patts these days.

The Pattaya Music Festival is set to go ahead with social distancing measures in place, which are expected to be scrupulously observed by most of the public who say they plan to be as far away from the event as possible.

Dodgy electrics have claimed yet another victim after a local Thai chap was blown up and flung from the top of a high building while trying to repair a broken air conditioner. His fate was not immediately recognised as his remains at the foot of the building were initially mistaken for a discarded takeaway curry. He probably would’ve tasted better than some of the takeaway curries we’ve had lately.

A fire in North Pattaya has destroyed a six storey building and a warehouse. Authorities tried to put a positive spin on the affair by pointing out that no foreign tourists were injured.

So who dreams of large green erections then?...

Police called a meeting of 130 entertainment venue owners earlier this month to check that they were still adhering to coronavirus restrictions. The owners said they were and the police thanked them and sent them on their way. Law enforcement at its finest.

Banglamung officials have been carrying out spot checks on bars in Pattaya to ensure the Covid 19 rules are being followed. A spokesman confirmed they hadn’t found any customers breaking the rules, though he later admitted this was probably because they hadn’t actually found any customers.

Pattaya is a place where the expression “elephant in the room” now has its own special meaning. The other night, a local man was woken by a commotion in his house, and on turning on the light was surprised to discover – you guessed it - an elephant in the room. That’s the trouble with elephants you see – they just take things too literally.  

Police are seeking a Thai man who’s been scamming people for parking fees on Beach Road by cunningly disguising himself as a traffic warden…

Bar news now, and we start with the surprise return of Classroom to Soi Pattayaland. Just like the old days? Who knows? Baccara is also set to reopen, allegedly today. Wonder what the line-up will be like? Devil’s Den has closed down but plans to reopen in a new location when the tourists are allowed to return – if they ever are.

A fake bank robbery was staged by Pattaya police last week for some reason or another (probably didn’t have anything else to do). After about 20 minutes of intensive police work, two Burmese workers were arrested but both claimed they’d been fitted up and the money used for the exercise has mysteriously disappeared. The men were nonetheless found to be guilty and will face a firing squad next week, though as it was only a drill the guns won’t be loaded – well, most of them won’t.

Time for a time slip in the shape of a couple of old clippings from Monkeywatch in September 2010…

“Punch-ups in Patts are big news at the moment, and there was another one a couple of Sundays ago in which six Thai blokes attacked a chap and gave him a good kicking. Nothing new you may say, except that this time it wasn’t at a bar or Go Go, it was at the Sutawat Temple in East Pattaya - and all the brawlers were monks. Hell’s teeth, what’s the world coming to? The way things are going you’ll have to be careful how you look at a nun if you don’t want her boot in your groin.    

A double suicide was reported to have taken place in North Pattaya the other Friday. Funny, I thought you could only do it once.”

Another example of why Pattaya is the destination of choice for quality tourists…

Local health officials wish to make it clear that the medical advice recently given stating that condoms should always be used for the duration of the current pandemic was only meant to apply to people while they were having sex.

Thailand has been added to the UK travel corridor list so Brits can now travel freely to the Land of Smiles – and be sent straight back home when they do.

Finally, it’s been incorrectly reported in some quarters that Thailand is to consider granting permanent residence to anyone who buys a condom. In fact, you have to buy a condo. Shit, and I bought a whole bloody packet.

be seeing you

monkeyman

Since you mentioned condoms,I just saw this a few days ago. Police seize 345,000 used condoms that were cleaned and sold as new (Viet Nam). 1 of several sources.https://www.cnn.com/2020/09/24/asia/vietnam-condom-sold-new-scli-intl/index.html

Thanks for this update. Always a hoot. It brightens my outlook for returning in late Spring.

[teelack 9,639]

Thanks for the update. Always a good read.

The curry comment reminds me of a travel magazine that I read some years ago in Cambodia.

"Many people are kept awake with dogs howling in the night. If they stop howling don't eat curry the following day".

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