Monkeywatch - August 2025

[monkeyman 1,701]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap to the height of summer, and to the floods that come with it these days. You’ll probably get better weather at home.

The latest establishment in Pattaya to burn to the ground is Catflaps in Pratumnak, which met its demise due to “a faulty bug zapper.” When police visited the premises belonging to the vendor of the offending item, they were told “It wasn’t faulty. It killed all the bugs, didn’t it?”

A small group of Koreans had an expensive night out in a Naklua restaurant when they were presented with a bill for 100,000 baht. This may seem a little on the expensive side, though the figure became inflated somewhat after the group members had a small difference of opinion which ended up in a mass brawl that completely trashed the premises. Wonder if they left a tip?

Pattaya Police are to start issuing substantial fines for helmet violations, so if anybody violates your helmet you should get down to the local cop shop pronto.

Pattaya residents have been complaining to local officials that the theft of sand from the beaches is getting out of hand…

 

Apparently, Thailand is fighting to win back Chinese tourists. Let’s hope it gets knocked out in the first round.

A Thai woman has been arrested for allegedly having sex with nine monks then using 80,000 covertly obtained videos and photos of their antics to blackmail the hapless fellows into handing over 385 million baht in the last three years. However, one question that nobody seems to be asking is how in the name of Satan’s trousers did nine monks come up with that kind of money. Enquiring minds need to know.

Some tourists have said that the reason they keep coming back to the same bars in Pattaya is that the girls talk to them and call them by name. Suppose this could be good or bad depending on what sort of names they call them.

Whatever happened to all the really useful signs that you used to see around Pattaya?..

 

Bar news time, and Walking Street has yet another new addition, namely Atmos a Go Go. It replaces Glass House, which set the bar in terms of entertainment at a level that a limbo dancer would have had trouble getting underneath. Le Pub is set to expand its brief to incorporate Le Pub a Go Go into the same premises. Don’t suppose they’ll need many customers to fill the place up.   

The latest wave of Indian tourists to arrive in Pattaya apparently contain members of their ‘middle-class’. As far as we can make out, these are the ones who can afford their own room in a backstreet doss house without having to share it with a dozen or more of their compatriots. The social climbers are on the move.

Fade into the mists of time now as we drift back to the heady days of Monkeywatch in August 2015…

“The government have announced a new booze ban starting this month that prohibits the sale of alcohol within 300 metres of all educational establishments. The reason given for this is to “curtail underage drinking and the scourge of student violence”. Well, that should work just fine - except with the ones who can walk 300 metres.

A sausage vendor turned up at the local nick last week claiming that a man, who he described as “a stinking pig”, had swindled him out of 1000 baht in Soi 6 by giving him a note he later realised to be play money (he must have had a monopoly in the area.) Acting on the man’s description, police went to Walking Street and arrested everybody in Soi 16.

The Workability Asia conference 2015 was held in the Pattaya Hilton on July 8-10 where the main theme was the spotlighting of disabled people in Asia. The idea has now been abandoned as disabled people said they didn’t like being fitted with spotlights. Ungrateful bastards.

Local immigration officials have been taking lessons on how to better identify foreign criminals. They were told to look out for criminals who aren’t Thais.”

If you visit Nong Nooch, be sure not to miss the display of fossilised elephant shit…

 

The Minister for Tourism recently visited Walking Street, promising more support for tourism and tourist safety. Hopefully the “tourist safety” bit won’t involve police smashing their way into bars, forcing tourists to piss into a bucket then throwing them out on the street like it usually does.

Much has been written about the purpose of TAT’s new “Value over Volume” policy. Basically the bottom line is “quality tourists in, stinking pigs out.” Trouble is, this ‘new’ strategy has been tried at least a dozen times before, and we’ve all seen the results of that. It’ll be back to stinking pigs in a few months.

Finally, police are telling Thai women to “stay assertive” when dealing with men they’ve just met as they may not be as friendly as they seem, so next time you offer a bar girl a drink don’t be surprised if she responds by giving you a kick in the bollocks.

be seeing you

monkeyman