Monkeywatch - October 2025

[monkeyman]

Greetings Monkeywatchers, showaddy crap once again, and welcome to this month’s delve into our bag of unsavoury snacks.

Police were called to a massage shop after a Chinese quality tourist refused to stop filming inside the premises. It turned out that the little bugger wasn’t even a customer. The police removed the man after the staff had given him a free lower intestine massage with a toilet brush.

A Pattaya hotel has apparently distributed 800 survival kits to less well-off residents of the city. So what’s a survival kit then? An ounce of weed and a six-pack?

There was an article published recently discussing the transport options in Pattaya for senior foreign tourists. Strangely, hearse wasn’t on the list.

Well at least it’s a step up from Indians and Chinese…

 

Now Thailand has officially recognised poker as a sport, hopes are growing that card games in general with be looked at more favourably, which could lead to members of the Pattaya Bridge Club having their life sentences commuted.

Pattaya has begun installing crosswalk lights to help pedestrians cross the roads in busy areas. Basically, it works like this. When pedestrians arrive at the crossing they press a button and wait for the signal to say it’s safe to cross the road. They then believe this and so step into the road and immediately get run over by a speeding baht bus. Regular visitors to Pattaya know that there’s only one rule to follow when crossing the road. Look left, right, up and down.

Teams of Pattaya workers have been spending weekends clearing blockages from the local drainage system. Probably clogged up with dead Russians like last time.

Thai smoking shelters sure are expensive…

 

Bar news now, and Cheetah A Go Go on LK Metro seems to be turning into Spicy Saparot, though what manner of establishment it will be remains to be seen. The Maggie May’s beer bar complex should be open by the beginning of November and promises to offer a new beer bar experience. The concept sounds interesting – let’s wait and see.

It’s not difficult to see why Mr Bean is so popular in Thailand, given that their home grown comedy basically consists of swanee whistles, arse kicking and nose tweaking. By comparison, Mr Bean is positively highbrow.

Into reverse gear now as we look back at a couple of dubious goings-on from Monkeywatch in October 2015…

“Miss Thailand is to pay homage to her country at the Miss Universe 2015 pageant when she plans to appear dressed as a tuk-tuk. She did however make it clear that anyone expecting a ride for 10 baht was likely to be disappointed.

It’s been reported that Thai girls like men who shave down below and are particularly partial to blokes with Brazilians. Not true. I showed a group of Thai birds a photo of me standing between Pele and Felipe Massa and they weren’t impressed at all.”

Tourists who pay touts for a ping-pong show usually end up here…

 

People who ask why Indian tourists walk side by side have obviously never walked behind one in a headwind.

Visitors to Jomtien Beach have noticed a strange darkening of the seawater in the area. No official explanation of this phenomenon has been forthcoming, though some have suggested that it may have something to do with the new breed of quality tourists swimming there.

It’s been reported that an Indian tourist has died at a South Pattaya hotel after an attempted suicide. Attempted? One wonders what he would have needed to do to be deemed to have been successful.

Finally, following reports from amazed onlookers at Terminal 21, an elephant and its mahout have been banned from selling sugarcane in Pattaya. Don’t supposed the elephant’s too bothered.

be seeing you

monkeyman

[teelack]

As usual, thanks for the update as well as the memories.
One thing it bought back was an excruciating bus trip where for hours we were regaled with, err, non stop comedy. I never wanted to hear a Swannee whistle again after that trip!

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[teelack]

Just adding to your news

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[monkeyman]

2 hours ago, teelack said:

Just adding to your news

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Thanks for the update. With a name like that I was expecting some kind of restaurant.

Wonder what they do with those pineapples? 

[teelack]

Pineapples? I thought they were dirty stinking dildoes !

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[teelack]

Tonight in all its unopened glory

 

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