Nightmarch 15 April 2004

[PattayaPete 530]

A Week is a Long Time in Politics: I think it was former British Prime Minister Harold Wilson who made the comment that ‘a week is long time in politics’. If he’d been an observer of the Pattaya bar scene no doubt he would have been moved to make a similar observation about the happenings in this neck of the woods.

 

In my last humble missive I wrote about the sorry tale of a cluster of beer boozers fronting the Soi 8 part of the Prince Hotel. They had been boarded up and it looked as though the owners had been well and truly shafted. However, on Tuesday 30 March the boards did a Berlin Wall and came tumbling down and the boozers were back in business. According to an informant, the owners coughed up 150,000 baht each to restore their pride and joy to full working order. Whether this signals the end of the sad saga remains to be seen.

 

Pyrite-digit: Seems as though yet another of Pattaya’s black holes has once more claimed another victim. The Goldfingers ogling den (Beach Road end of Soi 7) had valiantly battled its way through one of the worst low seasons on record in 2003 and seemed to be gathering a little bit of momentum in the struggle for the optic baht when the place had an unexpected visit from the local plod. The Honor Blackman look-alikes hugging the chrome poles were allegedly missing certain essential pieces of apparel when the peelers came bursting through the front door.

 

Unaccustomed to the sight of such wanton displays of female flesh (unless it happens to be a topless foreign female aged between 25 and 70, weighing anywhere from 50 to 300 kilos, on Pattaya beach) the upholders of law and order ordered the immediate closure of the den to teach the management the folly of their wicked ways. I’ve since been told that the owners have had enough of the hassle of operating a chrome pole palace and decided to scuttle the operation.

 

It’s the Singha, not the song: The only discounted libation in the Paris ogling den (Soi Diamond) is the price of bottled Singha amber nectar, at a reasonable 70 baht, and Louis L’Amour, the genial manager, has been running the place with a certain Gallic style for many years, building up a reasonable following and recruiting some attractive chrome pole huggers.

 

Unfortunately, his dancing maidens and serving wenches have incurred the ire of at least one Fun Town regular who sent me an e-mail lamenting the hard-sell approach towards lady drinks. He claimed he’d only just been served his beer when a dancer who’d sidled up to him asked for a drink. A minute later a serving wench also raised the question. According to him, no less than six attempts were made to coax him into purchasing a lady drink. The girls then started calling him ‘keenio’ (the Thai word for Cheap Charlie; which I suspect is itself a phrase whose etymology stretches back to the Vietnam War), a standard put down if the little dears don’t get what they want.

 

Of course, as any regular imbiber on the ogling den trail knows only too well, the Paris chrome pole palace and its employees are far from being unique in their push to flog lady drinks. Some dens are worse than others; the only place I’m aware of that openly forbids its employees to cadge for lady drinks is Spicy Girls (Pattayaland Soi 1). The push for lady drinks by the service girls on behalf of their dancing cousins is a great ploy that works well, especially on tourists and those who feel embarrassed using the word ‘No’. Most ex-pats and regulars find it annoying and the majority make the point they would probably buy more lady drinks if they didn’t feel they were being railroaded into it.

 

From the bar owner’s point of view, lady drinks are part of the way he makes the girl earn her salary. The general requirement is around 30 lady drinks per month per dancer, although I hear tell that in some ogling dens the figure is up between 60 and 90. No wonder you can barely park your posterior on a seat before somebody is tugging at your elbow pestering for a drink.

 

Ready for a Gold Star: The Silver Star ogling den (Soi 8) celebrated its first anniversary with a party on 31 March. I wandered in a couple of nights before and noted (a) the music was too loud and ( it was standard car alarm). So, after determining that the DJ was in charge of entertainment, I settled back to watch the chrome pole molesters, purely for sociological reasons. The den has around seven girls on stage at one time, and to my jaundiced eyes quite a few were very easy on the optic nerve. Libations were not outlandish at 70 baht for bottled Singha and 95 baht for liver wasters and lady drinks and the place had a vibrant, friendly atmosphere. On balance, apart from the dreadful loud music, it’s well worth a visit if you’re in the environs of Soi 8.

 

Still the One: In recent times I know I’ve been getting a little snappy about some of the lesser-lights in the ogling den trade, so to end on a brighter note I’ll just use one word: Peppermint. I am not alone in considering this chrome pole palace in Walking Street to be the number one joint in town at present. I wandered in late on an average Thursday evening with a group of salubrious individuals and we were lucky to find a seat. I would think only Living Dolls Showcase, Super Baby and possibly (un)-Happy, would have had as many punters propping up bar stools and bench seats.

 

The den simply has it all: wall-to-wall dancing pulchritude, house liver wasters at the industry standard of 95 baht, cheap amber draught for 45 baht all night for those keen to expand their waistline, lady drinks at 85 baht and a friendly atmosphere. Of course, some of the dancing damsels (so I’m led to believe) think their pubes are dipped in gold and ask for silly money from tumescent revellers, but a little bit of horse-trading can see you emerge with more than a smile on your dial.

 

Out of the Bunker and into the Sand Pit: The well-known Mr Loy, the co-ordinator of the Bunker Boys (Pattaya Golf Society), has joined forces with the Denis The Menace-run OK Corral (Soi Skaw Beach) after a six-year stint at The Bunker in Soi Chaiyapoon.

 

My golf handicap is simple: with a club in my mitts I look like the result of a mating between Mr Bean and a pogo stick. I heartily agree with Mark Twain’s comment that ‘golf is a good walk spoiled’. However, the Bunker Boys are out every Tuesday and Thursday to nearby courses with a free bus leaving outside the OK Corral at 10:00AM (that’s in the morning; another good reason for me not to play). After an exhausting day of caddy shacking and putting little white balls, it’s back for the presentations at 6:30PM.

 

G’day Mate, again: I had a few inquiries asking about the e-mail address for Mick Distler, the former owner-operator of the now defunct Playpen ogling den (Soi Yamato) who has set up shop in the Cambodian version of Pattaya-by-the-sea: Sihanoukville (or Kompong Som). I made a mistake when transcribing the e-mail address and a person answering to the name Mick Distler, living as a Biblical scholar in a born-again Christian commune in Flagellation, Ohio has no doubt been confused by the flood of messages asking about the behind-the-bedroom-door tomfoolery available in sunny Sihanoukville. So, for those of you who’d like to contact the irreligious Mick, he can be reached at the following e-mail: gdaymatebar@hotmail.com

 

nightmarch@hotmail.com

[HILLY 9]

Good episode Pete, that made enjoyable reading. Have you been taking lessons from Oscar.LOL.

 

Most of us regulars know about the 30 drink and other rules and it was time to blow the lid off the myth that the girls are only thinking of themselves when asking punters for libation.LOL.

 

Paris agogo, like other mongers, is one of my favourite bars as well. Lou seems to have an eye for the mamories and in my experience it's always hard to get out of the place without him serving the odd free shooter.

Personally I never get hastled for ladydrinks but I have noticed that the girls leave the regulars alone. Maybe Lou is behind this.

 

I see that you were still getting time to break off from the holiday activities and reckon we will be seeing you soon.

 

P.S. Your Beamer looks a funny shade of white after Songkan.

Only joking.