poweroper

Allah or the Lord Jesus Christ? The Muslim religion is by far the fastest growing religion in the UK .. Last month I attended my annual training session that's required for maintaining my prison security clearance. During the training session there was a presentation by three speakers representing the Roman Catholic, Protestant and Muslim faiths, who explained each of their beliefs. I was particularly interested in what the Islamic Imam had to say. The Imam gave a great presentation of the basics of Islam, complete with a video. After the presentations, time was provided for q

I was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, got out ten dollars and asked, 'If I give you this money, will you buy wine with it instead of dinner?' 'No, I had to stop drinking years ago', the homeless woman told me. 'Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?' I asked. 'No, I don't waste time shopping,' the homeless woman said. 'I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.' 'Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE. George Phillips , an elderly man, from Meridian, Mississippi, was going up to bed, when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window. George opened the back door to go turn off the light, but saw that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned the police, who asked "Is someone in your house?" He said "No," but some people are breaking into my garden shed and stealing from me. Then the police di

MY FIRST TIME---- It was my first time ever And I'll never forget I'd do it again Without a single regret. The sky was dark The moon was high We were all alone Just she and I. Her hair was soft Her eyes were blue I knew just what She wanted to do. Her skin so soft Her legs so fine I ran my fingers Down her spine. I didn't know how But I tried my best I started by placing My hands on her breast. I remember my fear My fast beating heart But slowly she spread Her legs apa

Instead of being a smart arse why do you not post the link to help the OP.

Dangerous and bar owners / operators should be more responsible.

BrickiesLabourerinBangladesh.wmv

When Madonna first moved to England she said she wanted to feel more English. She is now an unmarried single mother with 3 children by different fathers, one of them black. Job done.

Wife say's to husband, 'Doctor says I have the tits and arse of an 18-year-old' Husband says 'What about your 40-year-old cunt?' Wife says ' We did not mention you' My ex-wife asked what reincarnation is. I explained, when you die you come back as something else. She said she wanted to come back as a pig. I said, 'You're not fucking listening' Was depressed last night, rang lifeline. Got a call centre in Afghanistan, told them I was suicidal. They got all excited and asked if I could drive a truck. I am going to watch my wedding video in reverse later.

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life!, between the legs of me wife!' That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night! He went home and told his wife, Mary, 'I won the prize for the Best toast of the night.' She said, 'Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?' John said, 'Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife.' 'Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!' Mary said. The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leerin

A Scotsman, after a recent football match, is having breakfast, in Paris , coffee, croissants, bread, butter and jam when a Frenchman, chewing bubble-gum, sits down next to him. The Scotsman ignores the Frenchman who, nevertheless, starts a conversation. Frenchman: 'You Scots folk eat the whole bread??' Scotsman: 'Of course.' Frenchman: (after blowing a huge bubble) 'We don't. In France , we only eat what's inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them into croissants and sell them to Scotland .' The Frenchman has a smirk on his face. The Scotsman

Only idiots drink and drive and you must be a right dickhead to be boasting about it. Think of the other road users.

How To Shower Like a Woman Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition y

Brilliant

An attractive blonde from Cork arrived and bet twenty-thousand dollars on a single roll of the dice, at the casino. She said, 'I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I'm Completely nude'. With that, she stripped from the neck down, rolled the dice and yelled, 'Come on, baby, Mama needs new clothes!' As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up and down and squealed...'YES! YES! I WON, I WON!' She hugged each of the dealers and then picked up her winnings and her clothes and quickly departed. The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of them asked, 'Wha

A row has broken out at the University of Manchester after its students' union toilets were "de-gendered". Temporary signs have made the "ladies" simply "toilets", while the "gents" have become "toilets with urinals". The changes are in response to an unspecified number of complaints from trans students who are uncomfortable using the men's toilets. A university newspaper criticised the move but the student union said it was needed to tackle transphobia. There are no figures on the number of transsexual and transgender students believed to be among the university's populati

On Winning a competition at school to meet the Queen, young Johnny was over the moon. He set off to London with his dad and got to Buckingham palace, there was a sign on the gates that said the queen would be seeing people at 11:00am and 2pm. They decided to go at 11:00 am so they could go and see a bit of London after. Whilst waiting in the queue Johnny proudly wearing his new Rangers shirt, noticed a young lad wearing a Celtic Top! To his horror when the queen came out to see the visitors she made straight for the lad in the Celtic top. Johnny was so distraught he immediate

'A five year old boy and his grandpa are sitting on the front porch together,when gramps pulls a beer out of his cooler. The little boy asks: 'Can I have a beer Grandpa?' Grandpa replies: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' The little boy answered : 'No Grandpa. It's just a little pecker'. Gramps says: 'Well then, you're not man enough to have a beer'. A little later Grandpa lights up a cigar. The little boy asks: 'Can I have a cigar Grandpa?' Once again, Grandpa asks: 'Can your pecker touch your ass?' Once again the little boy replies, 'No, it's too little'. Gramps replies, 'Then you'r

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hello, my name is Billy and I suffer from guilt for not forwarding 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe, if you send them on, a poor six-year-old girl in Scotland with a breast on her forehead will be able to raise enough money to have it removed before her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show. And, do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give $1000 to you, and everyone to whom you send 'his' email? How stupid are we? Ooooh, looky

Jacqueline and her husband Mark went for counselling after 25 years of marriage. When asked what the problem was, Jacqueline went into a passionate, painful tirade listing every problem they had ever had in the 25 years they had been married. She went on and on and on: neglect, lack of intimacy, emptiness, loneliness, feeling unloved and unlovable, an entire laundry list of unmet needs she had endured over the course of their marriage. Finally, after allowing this to go on for a sufficient length of time,the therapist got up, walked around the desk and, after asking

LONDON: August 21st: "In deference to The Archbishop of Canterbury and The Royal Commission for Political Correctness, it was announced today that the local climate in the U.K. should no longer be referred to as ''English Weather." Rather than offend a sizable portion of the population, it will now be referred to as 'Muslim Weather.' In other words - "Partly Sunni, but mostly Shiite" =

Nice one and so true.

Nice one

If you have raised kids (or been one), and gone through the pet syndrome, including toilet flush burials for dead goldfish, the story below will have you laughing out LOUD! Overview: I had to take my son's lizard to the vet. Here's what happened: Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was 'something wrong' with one of the two lizards he holds prisoner in his room. 'He's just lying there looking sick,' he told me. 'I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?' I put my best lizard-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little l

Maybe not PC but they made me laugh.