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An Arabic family was considering putting their grandfather (Abduallah) in a nursing home. All the Arabic facilities were completely full so they had to put him in an Italian home. After a few weeks in the Italian facility, they came to visit Grandpa. 'How do you like it here?' asks the grandson. 'It's wonderful! Everyone here is so courteous and respectful, says grandpa. 'We're so happy for you. We were worried that this was the wrong place for you. You know, since you are a little different from everyone. ''Oh, no! Let me tell you about how wonderfully they treat the residents, " Abuelo says with a big smile. 'There's a musician here-- he's 85 years old. He hasn't played the violin in 20 years and everyone still calls him 'Maestro'!' There is a judge in here -- he's 95 years old. He hasn't been on the bench in 30 years and everyone still calls him 'Your Honor'! ''There's a dentist here -- 90 years old. He hasn't fixed a tooth for 25 years and everyone still calls him Doctor?! 'And me -- I haven't had sex for 35 years and they still call me 'The Fucking Arab'."

I know none of us would infringe copyright laws with DVD copies etc and the post office/DHL may not open them but the package will be x-rayed at the country of destination and so prompt investigation by Customs if anything of interest shows up . Also one must be careful of what could be interpreted as "commercial quanities" too as duties may be levied. My wife also sends medicines esp Thai traditional medicines. I have found that if it is declared the Customs will open the box, have a look and then send it on. If it is bona-fide then there are no problems

We have done it a few times to Australia. As long as there is nothing not permitted and you don't bullshit on customs declaration then it should be fine. We send our shopping back -stuff like thai books etc that would mean excess baggage on the plane.

Doesn't it all depend on how authentic you want Thai food to be . Most authentic Thai food i wouldn't eat myself - dried fish, takatan ( fried locust), nampik, no thanks . I will stick to the westenized versions of Thai dishes like Tom yung goong , Massaman curries etc which you will find in most thai restaurants.

Aren't the Canary Islands in the Alantic , not the pacific. Is that worth one point .

I have just looked at the website. Both the Bliss Mansions and the Arcardia Mansions look very good and reasonable price. No mention of internet or wi fi though.

Yeah i am offended that everyjoke was so funny. Not one that i had heard before either . Excellent stuff. I particulary liked the one about attorney's birth control.

A Queensland jackeroo is overseeing his herd in remote territory when suddenly a brand-new BMW advances out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a designer suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, 'If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?' The jackaroolooks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, 'Sure, why not?' The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany. Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel Spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response. Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, 'You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.' 'That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,' says the Cowboy. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then the cowboy says to the young man, 'Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?' The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, 'Okay, why not?' 'You work for the Australian Government', says the Jackeroo. 'Wow! That's correct,' says the yuppie, 'but how did you guess that?' 'No guessing required.' answered the jackeroo. 'You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used all kinds of expensive equipment that clearly somebody else paid for, You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows .. this is a herd of sheep. Now give me back my dog.'

There is absolutly nothing funny about about the situation that not only the States but the rest of the world finds itself in. A lot of people are going to get hurt by this situation . It is no joke. Wrong section .

The Government Job... A guy goes to the Local Council to apply for a job. The interviewer asks him, 'Are you allergic to anything?' He answers 'Yes - caffeine' 'Have you ever been in the services?' 'Yes,' he says. 'I was in Iraq for two years.' The interviewer says, 'That will give you 5 extra points toward employment,' and then asks, 'Are you disabled in any way? The guy says, 'Yes 100%...an bomb exploded near me and blew my testicles off.' The interviewer tells the guy, 'O.K. In that case, I can hire you right now. Normal hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM. You can start tomorrow at 10:00 - and plan on starting at 10 AM every day.' The guy is puzzled and says, 'If the hours are from 8 AM to 2 PM, why don't you want me to be here before 10 AM?' 'This is a council job,' the interviewer says. 'For the first two hours we just stand around drinking coffee and scratching our balls. No point in you coming in for that.'

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmmmmm very good

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH ? > > > > A bus stops and 2 men get on. They sit down and engage in an > > animated conversation. > > > > The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her > > attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following: > > > > 'Emma come first. > > Den I come. > > Den two asses come together. > > I come once-a-more! . > > Two asses, they come together again. > > I come again and pee twice. > > Then I come one lasta time.' > > > > The lady can't take this any more, > > > > 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig,' she retorted indignantly. > > > > 'In this country. we don't speak aloud in Public places about > > our sex lives. > > > > 'Hey, coola down lady,' said the man. > > > > 'Who talkin'abouta sex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to > > spell > > 'Mississippi'.' > > > > FIVE QUID says you're gonna read this again!

Subject: Aliens Two aliens landed in the Arizona desert near a gas station that was closed for the night. They approached one of the gas pumps and the younger alien addressed it saying, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Take us to your leader.' The gas pump, of course, didn't respond. The younger alien became angry at the lack of response. The older alien said, 'I'd calm down if I were you.' The younger alien ignored the warning and repeated his greeting. Again, there was no response. Annoyed by what he perceived to be the pump's haughty attitude, he drew his ray gun and said impatiently, 'Greetings, Earthling. We come in peace. Do not ignore us this way! Take us to your leader or I will fire!' The older alien again warned his comrade saying, 'You probably don't want to do that! I really don't think you should make him mad.' 'Rubbish,' replied the cocky, young alien. He aimed his weapon at the pump and opened fire. There was a huge explosion. A massive fireball roared towards them and blew the younger alien off his feet and deposited him a burnt, smoking mess about 200 yards away in a cactus patch. Half an hour passed. When he finally regained consciousness, he refocused his three eyes, straightened his bent antenna, and looked dazedly at the older, wiser alien who was standing over him shaking his big, green head. 'What a ferocious creature!' exclaimed the young, fried alien. 'He damn near killed me! How did you know he was so dangerous?' The older alien leaned over, placed a friendly feeler on his crispy friend and replied, 'If there's one thing I've learned during my intergalactic travels, you don't want to mess with a guy who can loop his penis over his shoulder twice and then stick it in his ear.' ________________________________________

Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids. The first guy said, 'My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday.' The second guy said, 'Darn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday.' The third man said: 'Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: A 30,000 square foot mansion.' The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked: 'What are all the congratulations for?' One of the three said: 'We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. ...What about your son?' The fourth man replied: 'My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub.' The three friends said: 'What a shame.... what a disappointment.' The fourth man replied: 'No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he hasn't done too bad either. His birthday was two weeks ago, and he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends.'

A man boards an airliner, takes his seat, and is surprised to find a large purple parrot in the seat next to him. The aircraft takes off and a pretty flight attendant walks down the aisle past the man and his seat mate. "Hey, bitch, "says the parrot, "bring me a whiskey and soda, and make it snappy!" The FA looks annoyed, but walks on. A minute later, she walks back up the aisle, and the parrot pipes up again: "Goddammit, you lazy whore, where's my whiskey? Hurry it up! " Visibly flustered, the FA hurries up the aisle and returns quickly with the parrot's drink. Impressed with the parrot's technique, the man decides to get some quick service for himself. "Hey, slut, " says the man, "get me a dry martini. And don't drag your sorry ass - I want it right now! " The FA turns red with anger and runs to the front of the plane. In a moment she returns with the First Officer and two burly male flight attendants. The crewmen seize the passenger and the parrot, jerk open the emergency door, and hurl them both out of the airplane at 20, 000 feet. As the two hurtle out the door, the parrot says to the man, "Ya know, for someone who can't fly, you got a lotta balls."

Dave and Jim were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as Aircraft mechanics in Melbourne. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!' Jim says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?' So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing! Then the phone rings. It's Jim. Jim says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?' Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?' Jim says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?' Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often.' ' Yeah, well there's just one thing.' 'What's that?' 'Have you farted yet?' 'No.' 'Well, DON'T, ' cause I'm in Perth.'

And so it proves that not only Thai wives would say that and mean something else

'Viagra' is now available in powder form for your tea. It doesn't enhance your sexual performance but it does stop your biscuit going soft.

Sorry - didn't mean to offend anybody

Camillas wedding night > > > >> > Camilla bought new shoes for her wedding, which got increasingly tighter around her feet as the day > went on. > >> >That night, when the festivities were finally over and they finally retired to their room, she > flopped on the bed and said, 'Charles darling, please remove my shoes, my feet are absolutely killing me!' > >> Her ever-obedient Prince of Wales worked on her right shoe with vigour, but it would not budge. > 'Harder!' yelled Camilla, 'Harder!' Charles yelled back, 'I'm trying, my darling! But it's just so blooming > tight!' >'Come on, my prince give it all you've got!' she cried. > >> Finally, when the shoe released, Charles let out a loud groan and Camilla exclaimed, 'Aaahh! Oh, > God, that feels sooo good!' > >> >In their bedroom next door, the Queen said to Prince Phillip, 'See? I >told you with a face like that, she would still be a virgin!' > >> Meanwhile, as Charles tried to remove her left shoe, he cried, 'Oh, bloody hell, darling! This one's even tighter!' To which Prince Phillip said to the Queen, > 'That's my boy - once a Navy man, always a Navy > man!' >

FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE[/center] Lesson 1 A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbour. Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.' After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?' 'It was Bob the next door neighbour,' she replies. 'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?' Moral of the story If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. ________________________________________ Lesson 2 A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?' The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.' Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.' Moral of the story If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity. ________________________________________ Lesson 3 A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.' 'Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.' Puff! She's gone. 'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.' Puff! He's gone. 'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.' Moral of the story Always let your boss have the first say. ________________________________________ Lesson 4 An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?' The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.' So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it. Moral of the story To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up. ________________________________________ Lesson 5 A turkey was chatting with a bull. 'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.' 'Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.' The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.. Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree. Moral of the story Bull Shit might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there. ________________________________________ Lesson 6 A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field. While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him. As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out! He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy. A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate. Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him. Morals of the story (1) Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy. (2) Not everyone who gets you out of shit is your friend. (3) And when you're in deep shit, it's best to keep your mouth shut! THUS ENDS THE FIVE MINUTE MANAGEMENT COURSE

A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them, and hides in the bedroom cupboard to watch. Just after getting into bed the woman's husband also comes home unexpectedly, she tells her lover to hide in the cupboard, not realising that the little boy is in there. After a little while the little boy says, 'Dark in here.' The man, who obviously got a real fright not expecting to hear anything, let alone from a little boy says, 'Yes, it is. Boy - 'I have a football.' Man - 'That's nice.' Boy - 'Want to buy it?' Man - 'No, thanks.' Boy - 'My dad's outside.' Man - 'OK, how much?' Boy - '$250' In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in the cupboard together. Boy - 'Dark in here.' Man - 'Yes, it is.'Boy - 'I have football boots.' The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy, 'OK How much this time?' Boy - '$750' Man - 'Sold.' A few days later, the boys' father says to the boy, 'Grab your boots and football, let's go outside and have a game of soccer. The boy says, 'I can't, I sold my ball and boots.' The father asks, 'How much did you sell them for and to who?' The boy says, 'To a friend of mine for a $1,000.' The father says, 'That's a terrible thing to do, overcharging your friend like that'. 'That's four times what they cost when they were new, I'm going to take you to church and make you confess your terrible sin.'?? They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.?? The boy says, 'Dark in here'. The priest says, 'Don't start that shit again you little prick, you're in my cupboard now'!!

BLESS ME FATHER, FOR I HAVE SINNED !!! A married Irishman went into the confessional and said to his priest, 'I almost had an affair with another woman.' The priest said, 'What do you mean, almost?' The Irishman said, 'Well, we got undressed and rubbed together, but then I stopped.' The priest said, 'Rubbing together is the same as putting it in. You're not to see that woman again. For your penance, say five Hail Mary's and put $50 in the poor box.’ The Irishman left the confessional, said his prayers, and then walked over to the poor box. He paused for a moment and then started to leave. The priest, who was watching, quickly ran over to him saying, 'I saw that. You didn't put any money in the poor box!' The Irishman replied, 'Yeah, but I rubbed the $50 on the box, and according to you, that's the same as putting it in!' ---------------------------------------------------------------------- There once was a religious young woman who went to Confession. Upon entering the confessional, she said, 'Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned.' The priest said, 'Confess your sins and be forgiven.' The young woman said, 'Last night my boyfriend made mad passionate love to me seven times.' The priest thought long and hard and then said, 'Squeeze seven lemons into a glass and then drink the juice.' The young woman asked, 'Will this cleanse me of my sins?' The priest said, 'No, but it will wipe that smile off of your face.' --------------------------------------------------------------------- Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a Mass for the poor creature?' Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.' Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?' Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic? ------------------------------------------------------------------

Looks comparable to the Pattaya Bay Resort which is probably is a slightly better location. One question though - does the Tycoon supply a small electric jug in room for a coffee in the morning and perhaps a cup of noodles for a late night snack ? Pattaya Bay doesn't which is a shame as when I stayed a few weeks ago I thought it was good value.

THE BROTHEL The madam opened the brothel door and saw a rather dignified, well-dressed, good-looking man in his late forties or early fifties. 'May I help you?' she asked. 'I want to see Valerie,' the man replied. 'Sir, Valerie is one of our most expensive ladies. Perhaps you would prefer someone else,' said the madam. 'No. I must see Valerie,' he replied. Just then, Valerie appeared and announced to the man that she charged $5,000 a visit. Without hesitation, the man pulled out five thousand dollars and gave them to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, the man calmly left. The next night, the same man appeared again, once more demanding to see Valerie. Valerie explained that no one had ever come back two nights in a row--too expensive -- and there were no discounts. The price was still $5,000. Again the man pulled out the money, gave it to Valerie, and they went upstairs. After an hour, he left. The following night the man was there yet again. Everyone was astounded that he had come for a third consecutive night, but he paid Valerie and they went upstairs. After their session, Valerie questioned the man. 'No one has ever been with me three nights in a row. Where are you from?' she asked. The man replied, ' North Carolina .' 'Really' she said. 'I have family in North Carolina ..' 'I know,' the man said. 'Your father died, and I am your sister's attorney. She asked me to give you your $15,000 inheritance.' The moral of the story is that three things in life are certain: 1. Death 2. Taxes 3. Being screwed by a lawyer