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A young man called Peter invited his mother for dinner, during the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how handsome Peter's flatmate, Simon was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Peter and his flatmate than met the eye. Reading his mum's thoughts, Peter volunteered, "I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Simon & I are just flatmates". About a week later, Simon came to Peter saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the frying pan, you don't suppose she took it do you?" "Well I doubt it, but I'll e-mail her just to be sure" said Peter. So he sat down and wrote: DEAR MOTHER, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID" TAKE THE FRYING PAN FROM MY HOUSE, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DID NOT" TAKE THE FRYING PAN BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IT HAS BEEN MISSING EVER SINCE YOU WERE HERE FOR DINNER. LOVE PETER Several days later, Peter received an email from his mother which read: DEAR SON, I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU "DO" SLEEP WITH SIMON, AND I'M NOT SAYING THAT YOU DO NOT" SLEEP WITH SIMON, BUT THE FACT REMAINS THAT IF HE WAS SLEEPING IN HIS OWN BED, HE WOULD HAVE FOUND THE BLOODY FRYING PAN BY NOW. LOVE MUM Lesson of the day:- NEVER LIE TO YOUR MOTHER

Very good.

A woman walks into the Mount Druitt Social Service office, trailed by 15 kids... 'WOW,' the social worker exclaims, 'Are they ALL yours? 'Yeah, they're all mine,' the flustered mother sighs, having heard that question a thousand times before. She says, 'Sit down Terry.' All the children rush to find seats. 'Well,' says the social worker, 'then you must be here to sign up. I'll need all your children's names.' 'This one's my oldest - he is Terry.' 'OK, and who's next?' 'Well, this one he is Terry, also.' The social worker raises an eyebrow but continues. One by one, through the oldest four, all boys, all named Terry. Then she is introduced to the eldest girl, named Terri. 'All right,' says the caseworker. 'I'm seeing a pattern here. Are they all named Terri?' Their Mother replied, 'Well, yes-it makes it easier. When it is time to get them out of bed and ready for school, I yell 'Terry!' An' when it's time for dinner, I just yell 'Terry!' an' they all come runnin.' An' if I need to stop the kid who's running into the street, I just yell 'Terry' and all of them stop. It's the smartest idea I ever had, namin' them all Terry.' The social worker thinks this over for a bit, then wrinkles her forehead and says tentatively, 'But what if you just want ONE kid to come, and not the whole bunch' ? 'I call them by their last names!'

very Funny but it is sad that it is that way

After being married for 42 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day & said, Honey, 42 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed & watched a 10-inch black & white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot & sexy 19 year-old gal. Now I have a $500,000 home, a $45,000 car, nice big bed & plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 62 year-old woman. It seems to me that you're not holding up your side of the bargain. My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out & find a hot, 19 year-old gal & she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed & watching a 10-inch black & white TV. Aren't older women great? They really know how to solve your mid-life crisis.

A NICE WHOLESOME OLD FASHIONED STORY Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy. The first thing Daisy asked was,'Do you have a condom?' Donald frowned and said, 'No..' Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom,they could not have sex. 'Maybe they sell them at the front desk', she suggested. So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms. 'Yes, we do,' the clerk said and pulled one out from under the counter and gave it to Donald. The clerk asked, 'Would you like me to put that on your bill? 'No!' Donald quacked, 'What kind of a pervert do you think I am?' ------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I haven't used this hotel but i would consider it - good location and nice gardens etc. Apparently very popular with Thais and Chinese. Maybe the don't need patronage from us falungs . I just looked at Pattaya one and it does have a web site ......... it is http://nauticalinn.co.th/

good one !!!!!

A father asked his 10-year old son if he knew about the birds and the bees. 'I don't want to know,' the child said, bursting into tears. 'Promise me you won't tell me.' Confused, the father asked what was wrong. The boy sobbed, 'When I was six, I got the 'There's no Easter Bunny' speech. At seven, I got the 'There's no Tooth Fairy' speech. When I was eight, you hit me with the 'There's no Santa' speech. If you're going to tell me that grown-ups don't really fuck, I'll have nothing left to live for.'

I went to a cemetry yesterday and there were four pallbearers walking around with a coffin Three hours later they were still walking around with it I thought to myself These poor bastards have lost the plot

PERKS OF BEING OVER 50 1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you. 2. In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first. 3. No one expects you to run--anywhere. 4. People call at 9 pm and ask, Did I wake you???? 5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac. 6. There is nothing left to learn the hard way. 7. Things you buy now won't wear out. 8. You can eat supper at 4 pm . 9. You can live without sex but not your glasses. (debatable) 10. You get into heated arguments about pension plans. 11. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge. 12. You quit trying to hold your stomach in no matter who walks into the room. 13. You sing along with elevator music. 14. Your eyes won't get much worse. 15. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off. 16. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the national weather service. 17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either. 18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to manageable size. 19. You can't remember who sent you this list . And you notice these are all in Big Print for Your convenience. Forward this to every one you can remember..

Drafting Guys over 60 - this is obviously written by a former soldier. New Direction for the war on terrorists. Send Service Vets over 60 I am over 60 and the Armed Forces think I'm too old to track down terrorists. You can't be older than 42 to join the military. They've got the whole thing assbackwards. Instead of sending 18-year olds off to fight, they ought to take us old guys. You shouldn't be able to join a military unit until you're at least 35. For starters: Researchers say 18-year-olds think about sex every 10 seconds. Old guys only think about sex a couple of times a day, leaving us more than 28,000 additional seconds per day to concentrate on the enemy. Young guys haven't lived long enough to be cranky, and a cranky soldier is a dangerous soldier. My back hurts! I can't sleep, I'm tired and hungry. We are impatient and maybe letting us kill some asshole that desperately deserves it will make us feel better and shut us up for a while. An 18 -year-old doesn't even like to get up before 10 a.m. Old guys always get up early to pee so what the hell. Besides, like I said, I'm tired and can't sleep and since I'm already up, I may as well be up killing some fanatical son-of-a-bitch. If captured we couldn't spill the beans because we'd forget where we put them. In fact, name, rank, and serial number would be a real brainteaser. Boot camp would be easier for old guys. We're used to getting screamed and yelled at, and we're used to soft food. We've also developed an appreciation for guns. We've been using them for years as an excuse to get out of the house, away from the screaming and yelling. They could lighten up on the obstacle course, however. I've been in combat and didn't see a single 20-foot wall with rope hanging over the side, nor did I ever do any pushups after completing basic training. I can hear the Drill Sgt. in the New army now, Get down and give me ... ER ... one. Actually, the running part is kind of a waste of energy, too. I've never seen anyone outrun a bullet. An 18-year-old has the whole world ahead of him. He's still learning to shave, to start up a conversation with a pretty girl. He still hasn't figured out that a baseball cap has a brim to shade his eyes, not the back of his head. These are all great reasons to keep our kids at home to learn a little more about life before sending them off into harm's way. Let us old guys track down those dirty rotten coward terrorists. The last thing an enemy would want to see right now is a couple of million pissed-off old farts with attitude and automatic weapons who know that their best years are already behind them. If nothing else, put us on border patrol...we will have it secured the first night! Share this with your senior friends. It's purposely in big type so they can read it.

Subject: FW: Proof that Men have Better Friends... .. __________________ Friendship among Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning She told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best Friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship among Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next morning he Told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's House. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, Eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and Two said that he was still there.

Bunnings has everything! (Bunnings is a large hardware chain here in Oz) One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, 'My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor.' 'Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money,' Mike replies. 'There's a diagnostic computer down at Bunnings. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . . A lot cheaper than a doctor. So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Bunnings. He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up And asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits. Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout: 'You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water And avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Bunnings.' That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure. Joe hurries back to Bunnings, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results. The computer prints the following: 1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener (Aisle 9) 2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo (Aisle 7) 3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab. 4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a solicitor. 5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better! Thank you for shopping @ Bunnings

This is the type of humour women think is funny about us men . Sometimes it may be close to the bone tho. He said . .. I don't know why you wear a bra; you've got nothing to put in it. She said .. . You wear pants don't you? He said .. . .Shall we try swapping positions tonight? She said . . That's a good idea - you stand by the ironing board while I sit on the sofa and fart..... He said . . .. What have you been doing with all the grocery money I gave you? She said . Turn sideways and look in the mirror! Q. How many honest, intelligent, caring men in the world does it take to do the dishes? A. Both of them. Q. How does a man show that he is planning for the future? A. He buys two cases of beer. Q. What is the difference between men and government bonds? A. The bonds mature. Q How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper? A. We don't know; it has never happened. Q. What do you call a woman who knows where her husband is every night? A.. A widow. Q. Why are married women heavier than single women? A.Single women come home, see what's in the fridge and go to bed. Married women come home, see what's in bed and go to the fridge. Q. What is the one thing that all men at singles bars have in common? A. They're married. Man says to God: 'God, why did you make woman so beautiful?' God says: 'So you would love her.' But God,' the man says , 'why did you make her so dumb?' God says: 'So she would love you.' SEND THIS TO A SMART WOMAN WHO NEEDS A LAUGH AND TO THE GUYS YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT . .

How many Thais you employ and how it contributes to the local economy and also if you don't infringe on any other Thais Business also comes into the equation. There is also a list of banned ocupation in Thailand that I saw a few years back that included architect, knife maker, etc etc .

This was in the Pattaya Mail (internet site) 9-15 May version . Thought it may be of some interest to anybody who hasn't seen it.

I wouldn't grow eucalyptus contrary to what others may advise if you have any type environmental conscience . There are many more tree/timber spp that are equally quick growing that are native to the S.E Asia area that would be more valuable as fine woodworking timber such as red cedars and some of the teaks for example . As a horticultalist / landscaper i can suggest many plants that are in demand in the horticultural industry and with free trade agreements it is now easier to export these plants. This industry is in its infancy now and is already being done and there are agents that will handle the shipping and quaritine requirements. In fact , i have always thought i may getting into that field myself at some stage. (A good excuse to travel between Oz and LOS more often). Plus there are the local markets and markets in surrounding countries if you didn't want to export to USA or Australia. We are already buying leafless strelizias and many spp of plumerias that are grown in Thailand. There would be considerations of security around your growing areas and it would be more "hands on" than other forms of just plant a tree crop and go away for several years and then come back to harvest as with eucalypyus. These are only a few ideas that i have had. Feel free to contact me if you would like to discuss more .

Melbourne Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to handle. Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. The Gorilla was on heat. To make matters worse, there were no male gorillas of the species available. While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Graham, a big Kiwi lad & former, All Black, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. Graham, like most Kiwis, seemed to be possessed with ample ability to satisfy a female of any species. So the Zoo administrators thought they might have a solution. Graham was approached with a proposition. Would he be willing to have Sex with the gorilla for $500? Graham showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over carefully. The following day, Graham announced that he would accept their offer, but only under three conditions: "Fust," he said, "I don’t want to have to kuss er." "Sicondly, you must niver niver tull anyone about thus." The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked what his third condition was. "Wull," said Graham, "You gotta give me another wik to come up with the $500.

I have my flight booked and paid for buta couple of my mates at work will be interested in flights at that price. Thanks mate.

[comma, and the best of that is free. quote] Joe, sorry i don't understand ...... Is comma a anti virus programme like AVG ? Haven't heard of it , Tell me more .

that illustrates it pretty well !!!!!

I get e-mails with this type of message all the time from , shall we say my more extreme right wing mates and friends. A lot of it is regurgitated stuff that gets amended from other similar messages with appropiate words inserted to make it fit the country or situation. To me it is nothing more than propaganda pushing (or justifing ) a viewpoint . It is always interesting to read a viewpoint and it is within their rights to voice it but often this stuff is just pure political propaganda and often so racist it is offensive ( this one isn't racist though but you have probably seen the type i refer to). There are probably also al-qaeda versions circulating in their world too . Both extremes of the political sides have learnt that the medium to push their views are now though email rather than 15 or so years ago it was the photocopied joke sheet passed around. It is cheap and effective and reaches a far larger target than before. Both the left and the right use it effectively for their propaganda . Wether you should believe it - well that is up to the individual but i believe nobody is going to do a 180 degree turnabout because of one e-mail.It will only re-inforce your current beliefs anyway. Also comments about being anti-american if you disagree with America's foreign policy is offensive. It may be anti Washington /anti Bush administration if you have differing view -points but not anti american unless you are some type of idiot who thinks a whole group of people can be categorized by their respective govt's foreign policy. I would certainly would not like to be judged solely on my government's policies or performance so why should anybody else .

I was intending to book via the web but that is a good idea to book for a couple nights and try it out. It always good to leave your arrangements " fluid " so as to speak. Can try a couple of places that way.

The web site http://www.hotelpasadenalodge.com/ says the hotel has WiFi - doesn't say wether it is available in all rooms though or how well it works. The rooms certainly look good. It is a toss up between there and the Pattaya Bay Resort. http://www.hotelpasadenalodge.com/