Ergodyne

Nope, that's not it.

Perhaps i should have posted this in technical queries but i'll start here. For those of you who are computer experts, what would cause this to happen : Qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqdjggsdqklgds Ffffffffffffffffffffffffffffffkgmgqkfjd Mqielgqfffffffffffffffffffffffffffsqfmq lor:#0000A0">Dsldmfqsfqssfdbvnlklfvnozeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee After extensive research and 'hands on' trial and error i finally managed to see the problem. Let me see what you come up with, then we can compare notes.

Dear Santa, Could you please get some clothes for all those poor girls in Thailand on daddies computer

Here you go then : - "SHHHH ! ! i'm busy reflecting. " "Please let me back in . . . . . . I'm sorry, I won't do it again, it was those Bean sprouts that gave me an upset stomach, if i feel another one coming on. i'll go outside, promise. " "Come back and fight ya cowards " " "After 3 . . . . . PUSH " "Why do they always have to pick on me ! " "I'm sorry, i didn't realise it was your best cue, it just looked so tasty." " OOOOHH that, was a good one, better out than in ! " " How much longer are you going to be, this is supposed to be 'short time' " " It's not fair ! why do they keep calling me 'Skid Mark' " "I shouldn't have stayed in the bath so long, now my body has shrunk. "

it's partly understandable in that they need to know if YOU know the information that they have on record, then they can be sure they are dealing with the right person.

Genuine B&Q Job application. This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old pensioner submitted to B&Q (DIY store) in Tunbridge Wells (United Kingdom). They hired him because he was so funny..... NAME: Kenneth Way (Grumpy *******) SEX: Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at least one who will cooperate) DESIRED POSITION: Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I? DESIRED SALARY: £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can haggle. EDUCATION: Yes. LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility. PREVIOUS SALARY: A lot less than I'm worth. MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes. REASON FOR LEAVING: It was a crap job. HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any. PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday. DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate environment. MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here? DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?: Of what? DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you have a car that runs?" HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free Holiday Offer, so they tell me. DO YOU SMOKE?: On the job - no! On my breaks - yes! WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish supermodel with big ***** and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now. NEAREST RELATIVE?: 7 miles DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR KNOWLEDGE?: Oh yes, absolutely.

Dear Minister, I'm in the process of renewing my passport but I am a total loss to understand or believe the hoops I am being asked to jump through. How is it that Bert Smith of T.V. Rentals Basingstoke has my address and telephone number and knows that I bought a satellite dish from them back in 1994, and yet, the Government is still asking me where I was born and on what date? How come that nice West African immigrant chappy who comes round every Thursday night with his DVD rentals van can tell me every film or video I have had out since he started his business up eleven years ago, yet you still want me to remind you of my last three jobs, two of which were with contractors working for the government? How come the T.V. detector van can tell if my T.V. is on, what channel I am watching and whether I have paid my licence or not, and yet if I win the government run lottery they have no idea I have won or where I am and will keep the bloody money to themselves if I fail to claim in good time. Do you people do this by hand? You have my birth date on numerous files you hold on me, including the one with all the income tax forms I've filed for the past 30-odd years. It's on my health insurance card, my driver's licence, on the last four passports I've had, on all those stupid customs declaration forms I've had to fill out before being allowed off the planes and boats over the last 30 years, and all those insufferable census forms that are done every ten years and the electoral registration forms I have to complete, by law, every time our lords and masters are up for re-election. Would somebody please take note, once and for all, I was born in Maidenhead on the 4th of March 1957, my mother's name is Mary, her maiden name was Reynolds, my father's name is Robert, and I'd be absolutely astounded if that ever changed between now and the day I die! I apologise Minister. I'm obviously not myself this morning. But between you and me, I have simply had enough! You mail the application to my house, then you ask me for my address. What is going on? Do you have a gang of Neanderthals working there? Look at my damn picture. Do I look like Bin Laden? I don't want to activate the Fifth Reich for God's sake! I just want to go and park my weary backside on a sunny, sandy beach for a couple of week's well-earned rest away from all this crap. Well, I have to go now, because I have to go to back to Salisbury and get another copy of my birth certificate because you lost the last one. AND to the tune of 60 quid! What a racket THAT is!! Would it be so complicated to have all the services in the same spot to assist in the issuance of a new passport the same day? But nooooo, that'd be too damn easy and maybe make sense. You'd rather have us running all over the place like chickens with our heads cut off, then find some tosser to confirm that it's really me on the goddamn picture - you know... the one where we're not allowed to smile in in case we look as if we are enjoying the process! Hey, you know why we can't smile? 'Cause we're totally jacked off! I served in the armed forces for more than 25 years including over ten years at the Ministry of Defence in London. I have had security clearances which allowed me to sit in the Cabinet Office, five seats away from the Prime Minister while he was being briefed on the first Gulf War and I have been doing volunteer work for the British Red Cross ever since I left the Services. However, I have to get someone 'important' to verify who I am -- you know, someone like my doctor... who, before he got his medical degree 6 months ago WAS LIVING IN PAKISTAN... Yours sincerely, An Irate British Citizen.

There is more money being spent on breast implants and Viagra today than on Alzheimer's research. This means that by 2040, there should be a large elderly population with perky Boobs and huge erections and absolutely no recollection of what to do with them.

Yee sip song

Disqualified : ' once' Yee sip !

Good to see Dwarfs getting a chance for a change, everyone looks down on them.

Sip jhet

13 Why am i doing this ?

As they are washed upon a beach, i know where i can find loads of Semen to help. P.S. have i spelt that right ? My 'donation is on it's way : -

There's one particular motorcycle policeman here in Pattaya who has a sign on his bike that reads " "TRIFFIC POLICE PATTAYA" do you think he might mean TRAFFIC ? or has he been listening to 'Del boy' a bit too much !

Charity music festival Sunday 16 / 08 / 09

T & G kitchen has moved from the food court, into Tony's new "Cool Spot' Brand new club, ( just in the entrance to the Entertainment complex on Walking street. ) Where Greg now plays.

I'm sorry i can't comment, as i'm too busy ignoring another thread. I notice there was no section for people having 'sex' on their own ! ! !

The recent item on the local news about a "Suspicious looking Honda 'Click' " (cue everyone pointing to bike ) they all look suspicious to me ! The bike was stopped by police and the rider was found to have 200 YaBa tablets on him, he said he was just a courier, did not know where he got them or where he was taking them ( now that's what i call an informed courier ! ) he was detained in the hope his memory would return. So the Thais do have a sense of irony ! With the number of repeats, i get a good laugh every time it comes on.

" Can we fix him? " " No, he's fucked "

You mean some of them tell 'porkies' ! Here i am thinking i'm "Sexy man" OH NO . . . . the mirror was right all along !

I was refering to someone in her native country of Patagonia teaching her, as so many of them apparently speak Welsh. She would need to find someone in Wales who speaks Patagonian or whatever they speak there ( is it Welsh ) to be able to translate. I know the Welsh fought very hard to keep their traditional language alive, T.V. and Radio for instance, as well as tuition in schools. Translation is the key to learning any foreign language, and finding a Welsh, teacher fluent in Patagonian sounds like a tall order.