Ergodyne

Proof That The World Is Nuts In Lebanon , men are legally allowed to have sex with animals, but the animals must be female.. Having sexual relations with a male animal is punishable by death. (Like THAT makes sense.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Bahrain , a male doctor may legally examine a woman's genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror. (Do they look different reversed?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse. This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times. (A brick?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation. (Much worse than 'going blind!') *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the privilege of having sex for the first time Reason: under Guam law, it is expressly forbidden for virgins to marry. (Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else in the world that even comes close to this?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Hong Kong , a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any manner desired. (Ah! Justice!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool , England - but only in tropical fish stores. (But of course!) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Cali , Colombia , a woman may only have sex with her husband, and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to witness the act. (Makes one shudder at the thought.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~ In Santa Cruz , Bolivia , it is illegal for a man to have sex with a woman and her daughter at the same time. (I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass this law?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* In Maryland , it is illegal to sell condoms from vending machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a vending machine only in places where alcoholic beverages are sold for consumption on the premises.' (Is this a great country or what? Well,.... not as great as Guam !) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour... (Who volunteers for these tests?) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated. (From drinking little bottles of ???) (Did our government pay for this research??) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Butterflies taste with their feet.. (Ah, geez.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* Starfish don't have brains. (I know some people like that, too.) *~*~ *~*~*~*~*~*~*~* And, the best for last? Turtles can breathe through their butts. (And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!) Thank you all for reading this.. If you need to reach me in the future, I will be in Guam !!!!!!

Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death. The question?....What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to a young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end. He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer. Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer. But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged. The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend! Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life. He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur. He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table. Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus: What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life. Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared. And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding. The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half. Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night? Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments? What would YOU do? What Lancelot chose is below. BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down. O.K.? Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself. Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life. Now....what is the moral to this story? The moral is..... If you don't let a woman have her own way.... Things are going to get ugly!

If you are a senior you will understand this one, if you deal with seniors this should help you understand them a little better, and if you are not a senior yet........God willing, some day you will be...... We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the 'seniors' special' was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for £2.99. 'Sounds good,' my wife said. 'But I don't want the eggs.' 'Then, I'll have to charge you three pounds and forty-nine pence because you're ordering à la carte,' the waitress warned her. 'You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?' my wife asked incredulously. 'YES!' stated the waitress. 'I'll take the special then,' my wife said. 'How do you want your eggs?' the waitress asked. 'Raw and in the shell,' my wife replied. She took the two eggs home and baked a cake. DON'T MESS WITH SENIORS!!!

No but i did hear about a businessman who used that phrase in a letter, the secretary did not recoginse it and typed 'if so fatso' the letter was to a rather large customer !

Rick had been in Police work for 25 years. Finally sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska as far from humanity as possible. He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it's total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it and a huge, bearded man is standing there. 'Name's Cliff, your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night. Thought you might like to come at about 5:00....' 'Great', says Rick, 'after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you.' As Cliff is leaving, he stops. 'Gotta warn you. Be some drinking'.' 'Not a problem,' says Rick, 'After 25 years in the business, I can drink with the best of 'em'. Again, the big man starts to leave and stops. 'More 'n' likely gonna be some fighting too.' 'Well, I get along with people, I'll be all right! I'll be there. Thanks again.' 'More'n likely be some wild sex, too,' 'Now that's really not a problem' says Rick, warming to the idea. 'I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?' 'Don't much matter. Just gonna be the two of us.'

Twas the night of Thanksgiving and out of the house Tiger Woods came a flyin', chased by his spouse. She wielded a nine iron and wasn't too merry, Cause a bimbo’s phone number was in his Blackberry. He’d been cheatin' on Elin, and the story progressed. Woman after woman stepped up and confessed. He’d been cheatin’ with Holly, and Jaimee, and Cori, With Joselyn, and Kalika. The world had the story. From the top of the Tour to the basement of blues, Tiger’s sad sordid tale was all over the news. With hostesses, waitresses, he had lots of sex, When not in their pants, he was sendin' them texts. Despite all his cryin’ and beggin' and pleadin', Tiger’s wife went investin' -- a new home in Sweden. And I heard her exclaim from her white Escalade, "If you’re gettin' laid then I’m gettin' paid." She’s not pouting, in fact, she is of jolly good cheer, Her prenup made Christmas come early this year.

Reason for edit, duplication.

Thought the title had something to do with a new euphamism 317.5 Bah humbug !

Looks like a C**t to me! "

Sounds to me like their cat is experienced in the technique, if it is always very clean, this could be an advantage and i would be intrested in the results. Grab it, stuff it down the toilet and let me know what happens. The Dog

I thought i was only me who fell for that !

I got this new deodorant today. The instructions said remove cap and push up bottom. I can barely walk, but whenever I fart the room smells great.

Dear Dog I tried your toilet washing method with great success, the only problem is that when i lifted the toilet seats, the cat had gone ! what should i do? Catless Dear Catless My advice to you would be to do what i did. " GO OUT AND CELEBRATE ! " The DOG

Iwould say until the fourth flush has finished, but the dog says the longer the cat is in there, the better.

1) Put both lids of the toilet up. And add 1/8 cup of pet shampoo to the water in the bowl. 2) Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 3) In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close the lid. You may need to stand on the lid. 4) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. Do not worry about the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5) Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a 'power-wash' and rinse'. 6) Have someone open the front door of your home. Be sure that there are no people between the bathroom and the front door. 7) Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift the lid. 8) The cat will rocket out of the toilet, streak through the bathroom, and run outside where he will dry Himself off. 9) Both the commode and the cat will be sparkling clean. YOURS SINCERLY THE DOG

Looks like she has just done some blue varient of the stuff !

I thought at first, that the little girl in the picture had a cigarette between in her hand ! !

. . . . . and they call it progress ! !

The 'Ladyboy' community have petitioned to have a day devoted to them. This will start next year, on the day after 'Loy - Kratong' and will be known as 'Long - Katoey' in view of the fact that most are quite tall. I'm sorry, i'll go quietly . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

FAIL