MarsGodOfWar

http://oddee.com/item_96855.aspx

http://oddee.com/item_96873.aspx

Ah, I love H. P. Lovecraft's Cthulhu tales.

A guy is sitting at the bar just staring at his drink for half an hour when this big trouble-making biker sits next to him, grabs his drink, gulps it down in one swig and then turns to the guy with a menacing stare as if to say, 'What'cha gonna do abou it?' The poor little guy starts crying. Come on, man, I was just giving you a hard time,' the biker says. 'I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying. 'This is the worst day of my life,' says the little guy between sobs. I can't do anything right.I overslept and was late to an important meeting, so my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I foundmy car was stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home.When I got home I found my wife in bed with the gardener and my dog bit me. So, I came to this bar trying to work up the courage to put an end to my life, and then you show up and drink the damn poison.

Man Kills Self Before Shooting Wife and Daughter It took two or three readings before the editor realized that what he was reading was impossible!!! They put in a correction the next day. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says No foolin, really? Ya think? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Now that's taking things a bit far! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over What a guy! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Miners Refuse to Work after Death The-good-for-nothing' lazy so-and-so's! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant See if that works any better than a fair trial! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- War Dims Hope for Peace I can see where it might have that effect! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile Ya think?! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures Who would have thought! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Enfield ( London ) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide They may be on to something! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges You mean there's something stronger than duct tape? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Man Struck By Lightning: Faces Battery Charge He probably IS the battery charge! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group Weren't they large enough?! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft That's what he gets for eating those beans! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kids Make Nutritious Snacks Do they taste like chicken? -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half Chainsaw Massacre all over again! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors Boy, are they tall! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dead Did I read that right? --------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What were they thinking with those steel I-beam posts next to the track. I know they were there to hold up the roof area but they could have put the posts furher out away from the track with an arched design for the roof. I have seen may luge and bobsled accidents where they loose control and leave the ice half-pipe and go over an edge before. Did no one think of this? Why was there no protection padding on them at least (not that it would have really helped at that speed)? This happened at 10am on opening day even before the official opening ceremony at 6pm during what I think was some sort of qualifing run and not an actual event for medals. It's too bad the 2010 Olympics had to be blackened by such a tragic accident that everyone will now associate with the events. I feel sorry for his family and team mates. During the opening ceremonies they paid tribute to him with one minute of silence and I was amazed by how dead silent everyone was (not a peep could be heard for the whole minute). Usually it's hard for such large crowds to remain so quite for long a period but everyone was very respectful. I was very proud. http://www.ctvolympics.ca/video/index.html...0f-09d957013d41 On a lighter note, at least he died doing what he loved. I personally would like to go out in my sleep painlessly, just after having sex with a few beautiful 18 year old girls curled up next to me in bed. Maybe even just after the orgasm which trigers the heart attack or aneurism or whatever it is that kills me quickly (without or with little pain). Of course it would be a little upsetting for the girls, but hey what do I care; I'm dead.

Oh great sage from atop the mountain with your mysteries of life; please tell us the answers. We mere mortals cannot fathom the depthness of your great wisdom.

Damn re-hashing of old jokes just re-worded to new events. I should have known as it did sound familiar, but I just figured I was reminded of other dumb answers given by people to asked questions like on the Jay Leno show when he asks questions of people on the street. Oh well, I still thought they were funny.

It is so funny to see or hear some of the shit that people think about Canada. This is also similar to the dumb shit some of us newbies ask the older members on this forum. Ca-na-da... Funny!! Now that Vancouver will be hosting the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people from all over the world are asking. Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. Obviously the answers are a joke; but the questions were really asked! Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? ( England ) A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? ( USA ) A: Depends on how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? ( Sweden ) A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada ? ( Sweden ) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada ? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto , Vancouver , Edmonton and Halifax ? ( England ) A: No, but you'd better bring a few extra furs for trading purposes. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada ? ( USA ) A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe Ca-na-da is that big country to your North...oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Canada ? ( USA ) A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada ? ( England ) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA ) A: Aus-t ri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Vancouver and in Calgary , straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada ? ( Germany ) A: No, WE don't stink. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada ? ( USA ) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy ) A: Yes, gay nightclubs. Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada ? ( USA ) A: Only at Thanksgiving. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? ( Germany ) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada , but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. ( USA ) A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking. Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA ) A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first. I hope most of these people don't learn how to procreate.