MarsGodOfWar

And here's a few others he recently picked up.

Don't know if it has anything to do your situation or not, but I have noticed that when at work a lot of pictures in posts are un-viewable to me, but can be seen perfectly fine at home. My problem I think is that whatever my employer uses to block a lot of the internet sites people go to is what is stopping me from seeing a lot of them while there.

Maybe that's where the phrase "I've got wood" comes from?

Ouch! Don't those things come with weight limits?

If not for the picture as proof, how do you explain that one to the insurance company? Act of God? And do you think they would believe you? It's as likely to happen to someone as winning the jackpot or being struck by lightning!

Get used to #3. That's what it looks like in a lot of places in Thailand you will be seeing soon. I would hate to be an electrician there. There's always something in the news about some electrician that got fried on the job. #2 would be almost as dangerous. Can you imagine working in that chicken suit in our summer. Now imagine it in Thailand or wherever that picture is from. Can you say, dead from heat stroke. #1 - maybe he lost something. What if the elephant farted right then. Notice the guy looking at the camera. His expression is awesome. It's like he knows it's his turn next. Ha Ha.

Repeat after me... I will never complain about my job ever again. I will never complain about my job ever again You have a FANTASTIC job !! Remember that !!

1. If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...does that mean that one out of five enjoys it? 2. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale bread to begin with? 3. If people from Poland are called Poles, then why aren't people from Holland called Holes? 4. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for? 5. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP? ? 6. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks? 7. As income tax time approaches, did you ever notice: When you put the two words 'The' and 'IRS' together, it spells 'THEIRS'?

Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Canadian Rockies, were an American guy, a Canadian guy, a little old Greek lady, and a young blonde girl with large breasts. The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the sound of a loud slap. When the train emerges from the tunnel, the American has a bright red hand print on his cheek. No one speaks. The little old Greek lady thinks: The American guy must have groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek. The blonde girl thinks: That American guy must have tried to grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she slapped his cheek. The American thinks: The Canadian guy must have groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and got me instead. The Canadian thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel, just so I can smack the American again. Now THAT'S Canadian!

Two women were playing golf. One teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole. The ball hit one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands together at his groin, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll around in agony. The woman rushed down to the man, and immediately began to apologize. 'Please allow me to help. I'm a Physical Therapist and I know I could relieve your pain if you'd allow me,' she told him. 'Nooo, no, I'll be all right. Just give me a few minutes,' the man gasped. He was in obvious agony, lying in the fetal position, still clasping his hands at his groin. At her persistence, however, he finally allowed her to help. She gently took his hands away and laid them to the side, loosened his pants and put her hands inside. She administered tender and artful massage for several long moments and asked, 'How does that feel?' He replied, 'It feels great, but I still think my thumb's broken.'

You know it's spring when the girls start showing off their belly buttons! Have a nice day... once you recover.

One of Berts EVIL apprentices. He's even yellow.

As I understand it; most of humanities greatest acts of "EVIL" can in some way be attributed to Bert. I believe him to be an immortal alien sent here to corrupt us, before the mass invasion happens. From what I hear there was even an unaired factual episode of X-Files based on the conspiracy of Bert that was so horrific that it was never aired. Apparently there was talk of toning down all the "EVIL" in the episode so it could be aired on TV, but by the time the censors were done with it (probably paid off by Bert), it looked like another episode of Sesame Street, and was eventually aired as such. Yet another attempt at getting the truth out, foiled by Bert.

I believe this one to be the original. All others are just poor copies. Easter Island Monolith A monolith found on the edge of Easter Island known to the natives as "The One that Devours" or "The Evil One" has been found to have an uncanny resemblance to Bert

Maybe Bert was really only helping so as to keep the real evidence that he did it from coming to light. Ernie is totally straight; Bert on the other hand is whatever is more evil at the time. And corrupting Ernie is always on Berts agenda.

For all I know he's the real reason behind all the red shirt problems in BK.

Are you a culinary expert or just a BBQ expert? Very insiteful look at BBQ that I never really thought of before. Till now I never even thought to ask for it "naked" with sauce on the side. And here I thought my BBQ skills and knowledge was adequate. Shame on me.

Just a few excerps from a favourite website http://www.bertisevil.tv/ Bert takes Ernie to a Nudie Bar We caught Bert dragging Ernie out of their apartment in Sesame Street and decided to follow to where they were going. We were shocked to find the two in a Girlie Bar. Bert was forcing Ernie to get lap dances from all the ladies. Poor Ernie went home crying. The Rape of Prairie Dawn Bert was caught trying to rape Prairie Dawn in the back side of Sesame. If it wasn't for Luis... Prairie would have been killed. There have also been similar attempts on Betty Lou and Zoe. Hitler and his favorite General During World War II, General Berhtolomue Kieffer III lead the SS in the burning of the Reichstag. He is known to be one of Hitler's most diabolical Generals. We have reason to believe that he is either a clone or an ancestor of Bert. A photo from Ernie's album In this photo we borrowed from Ernie's photo album, we see Bert smoking marijuana. He was very active during the 70's and was once seen with famed mass murderer and lunatic Charles Manson. He was even rumored to have been with Manson and his cult during the murder of Sharon Tate. One of the few pictures of Bert with Mr. Hooper This photo was taken only days before the death of Mr. Hooper. Bert's evil intent so obviously emanates from his eyes. We think he did it. What do you think? Shoot Me Up Elmo During the early drafts of the Elmo doll idea. This Prototype was released. It was designed by Bert in hopes of teaching little kids to shoot up and extending his target market for drug trade. The plan was halted by Children's Television Workshop and was replaced with a more commercially viable doll. The OJ connection Dear Sir, Enclosed you will find a couple of snapshots of Bert conspiring with that infamous ex-football player, ex-moviestar, ex-husband and axe-murderer, O.J. Simpson. It's a well-kept secret that Bert was actually part of O.J.'s defense team during the first trial, and was also the only person in whom O.J. fully confided. Interestingly enough, photograph no. 2 was taken exactly ten minutes before the murders took place. (Also, did you know that yellow lint was found at the crime scene? It's true! It was exhibit no. 156a during the first trial). I know I am putting you and myself at risk for giving you all this information, but the truth must not be stopped. What are a few casualties for the good of man and muppetkind? Use this information well, and good luck. Bert and the KKK It has long been rumored that Bert was part of the Ku Klux Klan. Latest evidence show that he IS part of the Klan, but more surprisingly, some evidence points to the possibility that he is a founding member. The Klan's pointed cowl was actually patterned after Bert's head. In these photographs, Bert is seen at the burning of the crosses ritual. Unibombert Previously unreleased, this was the original composite sketch of the Unabomber made from witness information, but was redrawn because it was "kinda funny looking". In connection with the current FBI investigations into Bert, this original sketch was pulled out again because of the striking resemblance to the muppet. The case has been reopened and further developments will be posted on this page. for more info on the Unabomber go to CNN.COM Document from FBI Alien Dossier This photo taken from the Aliens Dossier of the FBI shows the images of the two most aggressive aliens ever encountered on this planet . The Zeta Reticuli, allegedly responsible for the cattle mutilations, the ebola virus, the bubonic plague and the nuclear age. The Zeta Berticuli, allegedly responsible for infommercials, the deformed frogs of Minnesota and Nonoxynol-9. It is a well supported theory that Bert may be an alien or a muppet/zeta hybrid. Classified Documents of Mars Surveillance Dear sir, I was recently told of your "Bert is Evil" investigation and thought that you might be interested in the attached image. Understand that this image comes to me from a trusted friend who worked at Jet Propulsion Laboratories between 1975 and 1992. I have no reason to distrust this friend, but he wishes to remain anonymous for fear of retribution. On July 25th, 1976, this picture (frame 35A72) of the Cydonia region of Mars (at 41 deg. N latitude 9.5 deg. longitude) was photographed by Viking Orbiter 1. The mission was to identify potential landing sites for the Viking Lander 2. As you can see this landform bears a striking resemblance to the evil Bert. This photograph was suppressed by higher-ups in our government and an alternate landing site for Viking 2 was selected. What conclusions can we draw from this image? First of all, the only life forms that we know of that developed on Mars were single-celled organisms. Considering the immensity of this formation (2.5 km long x 2.0 km wide x 0.4 km tall) it becomes immediately apparent that the logistics of single-celled organisms building such a stone monument to Bert are mind boggling. Why, it would make the construction of the pyramids at Giza look like a sand castle building contest. According to the facts as I have presented them, ancient Martians by the billions were obviously enslaved by their Bert-worshiping overlords for this project. But why? Is it a mute testament to the devotion of a long dead race to the evil Bert (whom they must have worshipped as a god)? Is it a warning of some kind? As if to tell humanity that we are not welcome in space, that we should go no further? And why Bert? We have no record of a Bert before 1969, and yet here he is immortalized on a rock formation believed to date back to some time between Earth's Precambrian era and the late mezzanine level. Did Bert somehow time travel and convince the ancient Martians to do his bidding? Is it possible that a visionary Martian microbe looked into the future, saw Bert, and was so affected by the evil images that washed over him that this single-celled Nostradamus was compelled to put his visions to rock? I know not. But clearly spending a lot of money on costly Mars probes to investigate this further is warranted. Note that this image has been digitally enhanced somewhat. But only a little. Lost excerpt of the Pam and Tommy Honeymoon video During the honeymoon of Pamela and Tommy Lee, the couple went off to the desert to film themselves in a torrid orgy with Bert, (an old drug buddy of Tommy). It was actually Bert who stole the tape and distributed copies of it. Bert edited out the segments that showed him in the video to avoid his incrimination. Tommy and Pamela continue to deny their association with the muppet due to the fear that he might hurt them. Jonestown Massacre CNN recently did a 20-year anniversery story on the Jonestown Massacre. Sensing a connection, we pushed our sources and came up with the true cause for this incident. We think this image speaks for itself! The vat pictured here contains the cyanide-laced punch which lead to the deaths of nearly 1,000 people. Bert & Osama Bin Laden Previous rumors of Osama bin Laden (the man believed to be behind the World Trade Center in New York City, Khobar Towers in Saudi Arabia, and U.S. embassies bombings in Kenya and Tanzania) and Bert being Partners in terrorism have now been Confirmed! This TOP SECRET picture obtained by MSNBC and now in sole possession by the U.S Government was intercepted by My Man in the field, J-roen. The U.S Government believes that Bert is an informant for Bin Laden, telling Him when and Where to attack. U.S officials have not been able to talk to Bert about this possible connection cause of his Muppet Immunity. The FBI has put Bert on their most wanted list, see picture below. From the Sesame Files This picture was taken by Big Bird after a Sesame shoot.The picture gives a clear vision of how things really are at the set. Luckily enough little kids never got to see the dark side of Sesame Street. Bert killed beloved Wendy's CEO Dave Thomas The first picture shows the first encounter between Dave Thomas and Bert; where Dave caught the felt-faced little bastard trying to look up the Clara Peller's skirt (the "Where's the Beef" lady) in 1984. Recognizing the danger, Dave had his security detail beat the shit out of Bert and subject him to such indignities as a Biggie-sized Frosty enema before having him thrown out of the studio. Citing this humiliation as well as Dave Thomas's philanthropic support of adoption causes, Bert vowed that he would one day destroy Dave Thomas. For his part, Dave Thomas was one of the first people in America to recognize the pure evil hidden behind Bert's innocent looking striped shirts and single eyebrow. After years of secretly monitoring Bert's lifestyle of hedonism, mercenary treason, and plans for eventual worldwide domination; Dave authored a tell-all book (the Dave_Exposes_Bert photo) that was set to be released in February 2002. Bert knew that he would have to strike soon to preserve his meglomaniacal plans. The final picture depicts Bert accosting Dave at a Photo-op. Bert pretended to approach Dave Thomas to apologize for their years of conflict. Being a gentleman, Dave accepted Bert's apology and shook his hand. Alas! Bert had coated his hand with an especially vicious strain of mutated cholesterol which is, of course, harmless to muppets, but the effects were disasterous for Dave as the substance was absorbed through his skin and set forth to clog his arteries at a disasterous rate. Coronary failure after years of heart problems, my ass. Two days after Dave Thomas was laid to rest,the warehouse where all copies of Thomas's written expose of Bert was mysteriously burned to the ground. All of Dave's personal knowledge of the hidden evil that IS Bert died with him. Who knows if Bert's reign of terror might have ended if Dave Thomas's heroic efforts had prevailed? Bert Mudjaheddin There isn't a place in the world Bert hasn't seen. Say hello to Bazooka Bert, one of the front men for the Mudjaheddin and the Taliban. Bert stayed in the region for a while after he had given the locals a training in guerilla warfare. Something Bert picked up in his NSA years. Backdoor sex offender Bert, truly evil, forcing himself on/inside Ernie after bath time. Poor Ernie had to be treated for this maltreatment and couldn't sit down for a week. Irangate Iran fully committed to nuke enrichment freeze.... after producing a shitload of nuclear arms - Iran will honor its pledge to the EU to freeze its uranium enrichment program, which could be used to make nuclear weapons, Tehran's chief delegate to the United Nations. Bert however helped speeding up the production before agreements of a draft IAEA resolution on Iran's nuclear program where at hand.

He was just being honest.

Computer Question: Here's a real I.T. challenge! For all of you who keep thinking you are computer experts, try this! So, you think you're so smart and understand computer SPEAK ! Let's see how computer literate you are ....... *WHAT WOULD CAUSE THIS TO HAPPEN? `123490-=\qweriop[]asdhjkl;zxcvnm,./ GIVE UP? SEE THE ANSWER BELOW! YEP……. THAT’D DO IT !!!!!

A US first grade teacher explains to her class that she is an American. She asks her students to raise their hands if they are American too. Not really knowing why but wanting to be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like flashy fireworks. There is, however, one exception. A girl named Kristen has not gone along with the crowd. The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different. "Because I am not an American." "Then", asks the teacher, "What are you?". "I'm a proud Canadian," boasts the little girl. The teacher is a little perturbed now, her face slightly red. She asks Kristen why she is a Canadian. "Well, my mom and dad are Canadians, so I'm a Canadian too. "The teacher is now really angry. "That's no reason," she says loudly. "What if your mom was a crappy hockey player, and your dad was a crappy hockey player? Would that mean that you're a crappy hockey player too?" A pause, and a smile. Then, says Kristen, "Nope! That'd mean I'm an American!"

1. Why I Fired My Secretary Last week was my 40th birthday and I really didn't feel like waking up that morning. I managed to pull myself together and go downstairs for breakfast, hoping my wife would be pleasant and say, "Happy Birthday!", and possibly have a small present for me. As it turned out, she barely said good morning, let alone "Happy Birthday." I thought... Well, that's marriage for you, but the kids... They will remember. My kids came trampling down the stairs to breakfast, ate their breakfast, and didn't say a word to me. So when I made it out of the house and started for work, I felt pretty dumpy and despondent. As I walked into my office, my secretary Joanne said, "Good Morning Boss, and by the way Happy Birthday!" It felt a bit better knowing that at least someone remembered. I worked in a zombie like fashion until about one o'clock, when Joanne knocked on my door and said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside, and it's your Birthday, why don't we go out for lunch, just you and me." I said, "Thanks, Joanne, that's the best thing I've heard all day. Let's go!" We went to lunch but not where we'd normally go. Instead she took me to a quiet bistro with a private table. We had a couple of mixed drinks and I enjoyed the meal tremendously. On the way back to the office, Joanne said, "You know, It's such a beautiful day... We don't have to go right back to the office, do we?" I replied with "I suppose not. What do you have in mind?" She said, "Let's go to my apartment, it's just around the corner." After arriving at her apartment, Joanne turned to me and said, "Boss if you don't mind, I'm goinna to step into the bedroom for just a moment. I'll be right back." "Ok." I nervously replied. She went into the bedroom and, after a couple of minutes, she came out carrying a huge birthday cake... Followed by my wife, my kids, and dozens of my friends, and co-workers, all singing "Happy Birthday". And I just sat there... On the couch... Naked. 2. Sunday School Lesson Little Janice was not the best student in Sunday school. Usually she slept through class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me Janice, who created the universe?" When Janice didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "God Almighty!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good" and Janice fell back asleep. A while later the teacher asked Janice, "Who is our Lord and Saviour." But, Janice didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. "Jesus Christ!" shouted Janice and the teacher said, "Very good," and Janice fell back asleep. Then the teacher asked Janice a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" and again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Janice jumped up and shouted, "If you stick me with that thing one more time, I'll break it in half and stick it up your ass!" ... the teacher fainted! 3. Need A Bad Day to Get Into Heaven It got crowded in heaven so, for one day and one day only, it was decided to only accept people who had really bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but couldn't find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, of which I died from." St. Peter couldn't deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?” he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this; I'm naked, hiding inside a refrigerator...."

That would be great, especially when they cast the rock and do that long sliding stretch they do. Plus those same tank tops would need to have cut open tops for the same leaning over position. Although I guess that wouldn't be appropriate for a winter style outfit. With those tops and the cold we'd get lots of hard nipple shots. It's a shame they don't. Probably get a lot more endorsment deals.

I only watched the Curling for the hot chicks. Did anyone else notice the fact that for the most part, out of all the olympic sports that had teams - curling seemed to have more that its fair share of nice looking women

I know exactly what you mean. I work at that location. Pacific Centre Shopping Centre. Ground Zero for all the antics. Now I see why Britain was so bitter when they condemned the olympics in the news. I'd be bitter too if we sucked as bad as they did. Even though they only got one medal, at least it was gold!