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BOSS said to an employee: "Do you believe in life after Death? EMPLOYEE: "Certainly not! There’s no proof of it", he replied. BOSS: "Well, there is now. After you left early yesterday to go to your uncle’s funeral,he came here looking for you.!"

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The President of the United States of America, George W. Bush had a heart attack and died. He went to hell where the devil was waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed. The devil opened the first

She came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman. The wife was VERY upset! "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me - a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!" And he replied: "Hang on just a minute luv, so at least I can tell you what happened" "Fine, go ahead", she sobbed, " but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!" And he began: "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She

An American and a Japanese were sitting on the plane on the way to LA when the American turned to the Japanese and asked, "What kind of -ese are you?" The Japanese confused, replied, "Sorry but I don't understand what you mean." The American repeated, What kind of -ese are you?" Again, the Japanese was confused over the question. The American, now irritated, then yelled, "What kind of -ese are you . Are you a Chinese, Japanese,Vietnamese!, etc......???" The Japanese then replied, "Oh, I am a Japanese." A while later the Japanese turned to the American and asked: W

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. Law of Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. Variatio

A man had two great tickets for the Football Cup final. As he sits down, another man comes down and asks if anyone is sitting in the seat next to him. "No", he says, "the seat is empty". "This is incredible!" said the man, "who in their right mind would have a seat like this for the FA cup final, the biggest sporting event in the year, and not use it?" He says, "well, actually, the seat belongs to me. My wife was supposed to come with me, but she passed away. This is the first Cup Final we haven't been together since we got married". "Oh ... I'm sorry to hear that. That's terr

*This joke won an award for the best joke in a competition organized in Britain and was sent by an Indian.*** Banta Singh walks into a bar in Ludhiana & orders three glasses of Beer and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, beer goes flat after I fill it in the glass; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." Banta Singh replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Dubai, the other in Canada, and I'm here in Ludhiana.

True Telephone conversations recorded from various Help Desks around the U.K * >-------------------------------------------------------------------- >*Helpdesk: What kind of computer do you have? >Customer: A white one... * >-------------------------------------------------------------------- >*Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out. >Helpdesk: Have you tried pushing the button? >Customer: Yes, but it's really stuck. >Helpdesk: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note .. >Customer: No ... wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store one Friday evening with a beautiful young gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring and showed it to him. The old man said, "I don't think you understand, I want something very special." At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. "Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000," the jeweler said. The young lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement.

BELIEVE" it or not, >> >Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? >Caller: I heard what sounded like gunshots coming from the brown house on >the corner. >Dispatcher: Do you have an address? >Caller: No, I have on a blouse and slacks, why? > > >Dispatcher: 9-1-1 What is your emergency? >Caller: Someone broke into my house and took a bite out of my ham and >cheese sandwich. >Dispatcher: Excuse me? >Caller: I made a ham and cheese sandwich and left it on the kitchen table >and when I came back from the bathroom, someone had taken

If you feel sex is a PAIN in the ASS You are doing it the wrong way

> >>>A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is > >>>installing new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to > >>>withdraw cash > >>>without leaving their vehicles. Customers using t his new facility are > >>> > >>>requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their > >>>accounts. > >>>After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have > >>>been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute. THAT'S relativity. -Albert Einstein +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+= +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+= The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. - Robert Frost +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+= +=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+=+= The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it. - Fra

Here are some hilarious Kenyan court room moments. Reported in the Nairobi Bar Association Lawyers monthly Journal, that the following are questions actually asked of witnesses by lawyers during trials and, in certain cases, the some responses given by insightful witnesses: 1. "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?" 2. "The youngest son, the twenty-ye! ar old, how old is he?" (by Kibugi Muite) 3. "Were you present when your picture was taken?" (Imanyara G.) 4. "Were you alone or by y

It's not difficult All you have to do is to be: 1. A friend 2. A companion 3. A lover 4. A brother 5. A father 6. A master 7. A chef 8. An electrician 9. A carpenter 10. A plumber 11. A mechanic 12. A decorator 13. A stylist 14. A sexologist 15. A gynecologist

WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again? HUSBAND: Definitely not! WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married? HUSBAND: Of course I do. WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry? HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again. WIFE: You would? (with a hurtful look on her face). HUSBAND: makes audible groan). WIFE: Would you live in our house? HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great

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Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak? Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet? Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle? Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection? Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard? Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a revolver at him? Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets? Whose idea