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Mommy,... I was at the playground and I saw Daddy's car go into the woods with Aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving Aunt Jane a big kiss. Then he helped her take off her shirt. Then Aunt Jane helped Daddy take his pants off, then Aunt Jane........" At this point Mommy cut him off and said, "Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for suppertime. I want to see the look on Daddy's face when you tell it tonight."! At the dinner table, Mommy asked little Johnny to tell his story. Johnny started his st

A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died last night." Kenny replied : "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said : "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said : "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked : "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny : "I'm going to raffle him off." (Note : To raffle is to sell a thing by lottery - draw lot

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry. That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste. - David Bissonette =================================================== When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her. - Sacha Guitry =========================== ====================== After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together. =================================================== By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a b

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary on the beach in Montego Bay, Jamaica. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. "What a peaceful & loving couple". The local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage. "Well, it dates back to our honeymoon in America," explained the man. "We visited the Grand Canyon in Arizona and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by horse. We hadn't gone too far when my wife's horse stumbled and she almost fell off. My wife looked down at the horse and

This married couple was on holiday in Pakistan. They were touring around the marketplace looking at the goods, when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard a gentleman with a Pakistani accent say, "You, foreigners! Come in. Come into my humble shop." So the married couple walked in. The Pakistani man said to them, "I have some special sandals I think you'd be interested in. They make you wild at sex like a great desert camel." Well, the wife was really interested in buying the sandals after what the man had claimed, but her husband felt he really didn't need them

Can More Sex Save Your Life? The Science Behind the Ultimate Sex Diet ENGLEWOOD, N.J., Dec. 6 -- Losing weight never felt so good! Scientific evidence of the extraordinary health benefits of making love has been growing steadily. Studies have shown that more sex can help you live longer, strengthen your heart and relieve pain and stress. One study conducted at Queens University in England found that men who made love three or more times a week cut their risk of heart attack by half. Now comes even more good news. Sex may be the easiest, most pleasurable way to exercise and lose weight

A woman pregnant with triplet’s babies The 1st one says ( I want to be a plumber there is so much water in here ) The 2nd one says ( I want to be electrician its to dark in here ) The 3rd one says ( I want to be a hunter I want to cut the head of the snake if it comes back)

BREAKING DOWN THE LANGUAGE BARRIER Speaking at a press briefing, Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld tried to clarify the situation in Iraq. "Reports that say something hasn't happened are interesting to me, because as we know, there are known unknowns; there're things we know we know," Rumsfeld said. "We also know there are known unknowns; that is to say we know there are some things we do not know. But there are also unknown unknowns -- the ones we don't know we don't know." If you have no clue what he's saying, don't worry. It's not always easy to understand American English -

 Just imagine what mothers do for their children....a very touching story.Plz read and pray for your parents. My mom only had one eye. I hated her... she was such an embarrassment. She cooked for students & teachers to support the family.  There was this one day during elementary school where my mom came to say hello to me.  I was so embarrassed. How could she do this to me? I ignored her, threw her a hateful look and ran out.  The next day at school one of my classmates said, "EEEE, your mom only has  one eye!" I wanted to bury myself. I al

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident' "OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands . Finally, the President looks up and asks.......... ''How many is a Brazillion

Caller : Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan ? Operator : Yes, you can speak to me. Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan! Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this? Caller: I'm Sum Wan .And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent. Operator: I know u are someone and u want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about? Caller: Well just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother,Noe Wan was involved in an accident. Noe Wan got injured and now Noe Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital. Operator: Look

Three sons left home, started careers and prospered. Getting back together, they discussed the gifts that they were able to give their elderly mother for her seventieth birthday. The first said, "I built a big house for Mom." The second said, "I sent her a Mercedes with a driver." The third smiled and said, "I've got you both beat. You know how Mom enjoys the Bible and you know she can't see very well. I sent her a brown parrot that can recite the entire Bible. It took 20 monks in a monastery 12 years to teach him. I had to

IN PRISON... you spend the majority of your time in an 8X10 cell. AT WORK... you spend the majority of your time in a 6X8 cubicle. IN PRISON... you get three meals a day. AT WORK... you only get a break for one meal and you have to pay for it. IN PRISON... you get time off for good behavior. AT WORK... you get more work for good behavior. IN PRISON... the guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you. AT WORK... you must carry around a security card and open all the doors for yourself. IN PRISON... you can watch TV and play games. AT WORK... you get fired for watching TV

Mr.Sharma comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs.Sharma receives a telephone call from AEC (Ahmedabad Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. "Am I speaking to Mrs.Sharma?" "Yes...... speaking" AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" sa

A soldier came to a T-junction in the road and saw a nun standing there. He asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain WHY later." The nun agreed to his request. A short time later, two Military Police (MPs) came running along and asked if she had seen a soldier running down the road. She replied, "He went that way." After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said, "I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun said she could f

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, ""How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. "Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what you learned from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool tha

This is very interesting. Locked your keys in your car ???? Did you know this?? If you lock your keys in the car and the spare keys are at home, call someone on your (or someone else's) cell phone. Hold your cell phone about a foot from your car door and have the  other person at your home press the unlock button of your key fob  (clicker), holding it near the phone on their end. Your car doors will unlock. Saves someone from having to drive your keys to you. Distance is no object you could be hundreds of miles away, and if  you can reach someone who has the ot

A young woman who was several months pregnant boarded a bus. When she noticed a young man smiling at her she began feeling humiliated on account of her condition. She changed her seat and he seemed more amused. She moved again and then on her third move he burst out laughing............. She had him arrested. Then the case came before the court, the young man was asked why he acted in such a manner. His reply was: When the lady boarded the bus I couldn't help noticing she was pregnant. She sat under an advertisement, which read: 'Coming Soon: The Gold Dust Twins'. I