Nightmarch

[PattayaPete 530]

The Mathematics of Business: Has Fun Town been busy during this latest high season? There are plenty of long-timers who say no. Is this because there are fewer visitors to Pattaya? No. The reason is really quite simple: there has been a massive increase in the number of entertainment outlets in Pattaya in the last three years and, despite the zoning ‘plans' of City Hall, the damn things are literally everywhere you look.

 

Take Soi Buakhow as one example. At the turn of the century this was still, in essence, a neat back road between Central Pattaya Road and South Pattaya Road; now it is an increasingly busy thoroughfare with some kind of bar or restaurant within a Heineken bottle's throw of each other, especially in the stretch of tarmac between Soi Diana and the flea market 500 metres or so down the road.

 

Walking Street, as I've mentioned many times, has seen an incredible surge in the number of chrome pole establishments along its length and in the sois appending it. Even if the number of single men visiting Pattaya has grown by, say, 10 percent in the last couple of years, the number of boozers catering to them has jumped by around 40 or more percent. Look around you at the bars with just two or three customers warming a bar stool and then think about where these customers would have been drinking just a few years ago.

 

If a complex or an area has grown, like Soi 7 as an example, from about 40 bars to more than 60 in the past three or so years, then it stands to reason the numbers of people required to maintain the status quo of three or so years ago must increase by around 50 percent. Anything less, and the good joints will endure and survive while the rip-off places and poor quality establishments will wither on the vine.

 

Wasting Away Again In Margaritaville: A couple of issues ago I made mention of a prediction by one ogling den manager who suggested draught amber would no longer be available in the bars of Pattaya within six months. By way of introduction to the piece -as a comparison from the ridiculous to the sublime- I noted the introduction of frozen margarita machines, suggesting they were failing as an expensive libation for dancing damsels. I suggested the experiment had failed and many places had dispensed with the machines.

 

As I wrote, ‘the drinks were pricey and there are a lot of ex-pats and regulars who refuse to part with what they consider silly sums for glasses full of coloured alcoholic liquid just to satisfy the whims of a few avaricious dancing damsels.' While this remains true, the reality is a little more involved and complicated than my few throwaways lines would suggest.

 

Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I know it's my own damn fault, so let me correct my mistakes. The company involved in producing the margaritas uses only fresh juice. They install and maintain, for free, the expensive Italian-made machinery necessary to make the drinks. The only places they supply are those they believe are capable of doing a solid turnover per month. All they ask is the bar purchase the margarita mix direct from the company. According to the operators of the company, they wholesale a litre of the juice at just 300 baht, or around 24 baht a glass, and give each outlet a recommended price for each drink.

 

It seems as though many bar owners decided if it looked like a cocktail, smelled like a cocktail, tasted like a cocktail, then they should charge like a wounded cocktail. So instead of a realistic and still profitable 90-100 baht for a margarita lady drink, some joints decided to really ramp up the impost. In other words, it is not the fault of the suppliers if the stocking boozer decides to snip an unwary walking wallet of a few extra satang.

 

The company is currently operational in Pattaya and Bangkok and plans are under way to move into Phuket.

 

Now that's off my chest, I'll have a frozen prune and chilli juice with two shots of vodka and rum…and where's my lost shaker of salt?

 

Nothing to do With a Bratwurst: I have to admit to not being overly impressed with the Club Boesche go-go (Soi 16, off Walking Street) when I first wandered in not long after it opened. However, I recently went in for another look and the entire atmosphere of the chrome pole palace was sensational. It's very hard for any management to achieve a sense of that ethereal quality called ‘atmosphere', but this is certainly what I felt during the couple of hours I spent perving at some rather attractive examples of the art of chrome pole molestation.

 

The den is not named after some kind of German sausage, the Club Boesche (pronounced Boo-shay) cognomen is a form of homage to an American radio announcer much admired by one of the partners in the den.

 

The features of the place include the ground floor Jacuzzi -usually occupied by a pair of well-lathered damsels- and a second floor see-through dance stage where a bevy of good sorts tend to frolic about in their birthday suits. There's plenty of opportunity for the amateur gynaecologist to study the shaving habits of the Greater Issan Dancing Damsel.

 

A New Way to Spell ‘Pussy': After a pretty ordinary night of wandering around some of the poorer quality ogling dens of Walking Street, I wanted to at least end the night in a place I've enjoyed previously, the Catz chrome pole palace in the Covent Garden complex (next door to Club Boesche ).

 

I wasn't disappointed. It may be the smallest of the four dens in this complex, but it has a nice atmosphere with plenty of mostly friendly dancing maidens of sizes, shapes, and ages to suit, it would think, the most curmudgeonly of tastes. The music is good and the management don't gouge imbibers, with most libations a reasonable 95 baht.

 

Another Year Older: Congratulations to Captain Picard -owner of the Living Dolls Showcase revolving show den (Walking Street)- who celebrated his half century plus half a decade birthday on 21 February. There were those who suggested the appearance of the much vaunted Angelwitch show palace (Soi 15) would impact adversely on Showcase, but empirical evidence suggests nothing of the sort.

 

The resurgence of Walking Street as the premier centre for dens of the chrome pole commenced a few years ago with the opening of The Dollhouse, where Captain Picard performed the meeting and greeting duties. Since then, dens such as New Living Dolls 1, Living Dolls Showcase (on the site of the old Blackout ), Coyotee's (Soi Marina Plaza), and Heaven Above (Soi Diamond), to name just a few, have helped change the concept of the chrome pole palace. No longer can someone with a two-watt bulb for a brain and a couple of million spare baht simply open a den and watch as the punters roll in. The above examples are places where the owners/managers are consistently and constantly overseeing their ‘product' and thinking of ways to keep punters coming back for more.

 

There are operators in Bangkok who still see Pattaya as a swampy backwater town with the go-gos run by inbred first cousins. This attitude may have been a fair comment five or six years ago; nowadays, many Fun Town owners could show the Bangkokians a thing or two about running a successful den.

 

Was it all a Dream? I'm not sure how true it is, but according to one of my more sober sources, the Dream go go (Soi 8) lasted all of three days. Apparently, the owners spent a small fortune putting the place together but then didn't have enough of the folding stuff to pay the rent. Perhaps they failed Economics 101.

 

Two More Bite the Dust: The shake-out of Walking Street ogling dens continues with the recent closures of Marilyn (actually Beach Road, a few metres before the Walking Street entrance) and Highway Star.

 

Marilyn, if I'm not mistaken, has been the long-running Beach Road go go up for sale for much of the past year or so. Whether someone has now purchased the property or the lease has finally run out I don't know. In nearly 13 years of visiting and living in Pattaya I can say I spent a total of around two minutes in the place. Funnily enough, the night I wandered in, and left just as quickly, I was accompanied by a German friend whose been coming to Thailand far longer than me, and he too had never ventured into the place. I don't think he's been back there since either.

 

There are many others who both live here or visit regularly who've never had a good word to say about the joint; my only surprise is that Marilyn's lasted as long as it did.

Highway Star had its moments, but it fell into the trap of being just another tired and worn out joint with an ogling den shingle hanging out the front. As a Thai-operated den the music was dreadful most of the time and most of the dancers could be classified as being in the ‘veteran' class. So, as of mid-March, the score of open dens on Walking Street reads 39.

 

Piece of Pith: Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.