The blonde and the lawyer

[pattaya_mad 208]

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York. The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game? The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He explains, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.00, and vise versa."

 

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

 

The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer you pay me $5.00, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500.00."

 

This catches the blonde's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment unless she plays, agrees to the game.

 

The lawyer asks the first question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"

 

The blonde doesn't say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay, " says the lawyer, "your turn".

 

She asks the lawyer, "What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?"

 

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references, no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the net and the library of congress, no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mail to all his friends and coworkers, to no avail. After an hour, he wakes the blonde, and hands her $500.00.

 

The blonde says, "Thank you," and turns back to get some more sleep.

 

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, wakes the blonde and asks, "Well, what's the answer?"

 

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5.00, and goes back to sleep...

[adil799 0]

[cowboy 0]

Apartment For Rent

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the night

with her for $500.

 

He spends the night with her but before he leaves, he tells her that he does

not have any cash with him, but he will have his secretary write a check

and mail it to her, calling the payment "RENT FOR APARTMENT."

 

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:

 

Dear Madam :

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for use of your

apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented

your apartment, I was under the impression that;

 

1) it had never been occupied;

2) that there was plenty of heat; and

3) that it was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.

 

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn't

any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

 

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for $250

with the following note:

 

Dear Sir,

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to

remain unoccupied indefinitely.

 

As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on.

Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you

don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlady.

 

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady.

Edited April 1, 2006 by cowboy

[cowboy 0]

The Man and the Raffle

 

While Bubba and Billy Bob were in the local Wal-Mart, they decided to

get in on the weekly charity raffle.

 

They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week,

when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize.

 

Billy Bob won 1st place- a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and

extra long spaghetti.

 

Bubba won 6th prize- a toilet brush.

 

About a week or so had passed when the men met back at Wal-Mart. Bubba

asked Billy Bob how he liked his prize, to which Billy Bob replied,

"Great!, I love spaghetti!"

 

Billy Bob asked Bubba, "How 'bout you, how's the toilet brush?

 

"Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna'

switch back to paper."

[cowboy 0]

A magician worked on a cruise ship.

The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.

 

There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

 

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show, "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

 

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot.

 

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board.

 

The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate w ould have it .. with the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.

 

This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days ...

 

Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said ...... "OK, I give up. Where's the fucking ship?"

[Tengotodo 52]

All very amusing! Thanks.