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How to Shake Without a Chrome Pole: I know many of the flesh fanciers of Fun Town gave it a miss, but the Coyote Girls Dance Contest conducted at the Casino Club late-night boogie barn (Soi Diamond) on Sunday night 20 August proved to be a great showcase for some real dancing talent.

 

Held just a week before the first anniversary of the popular dance club, the contest featured a total of 17 contestants divided into eight teams. The Casino Club was represented by three dancers; the Polo chrome pole palace ( Walking Street ) sent two of its best as did The Roof late-night boogie barn and the Coyotee's ogling den ( Soi Marina Plaza ). There were also seven girls who made the trek from Bangkok , a number of whom were being billed as moonlighting students. I think Biology might have been their preferred subject.

 

Given the looks of a couple of the Bangkok girls I can well understand why Teaching English as a Foreign Language schools are doing so well. Pretty much all bar a few of the contestants looked as though they may have been aerobics instructors in a past incarnation.

 

The management of Casino Club allocated a substantial 22,000 baht in prize money to the contest, so it was no surprise the action was fast and furious, especially after the first round and the contestants numbers were reduced to just 10 hopefuls. Not a stray glimpse of the wrong sort of female skin was witnessed throughout the entire contest, so much so that it probably could have come with a stamp of approval from the likes of former Interior Minister Purely Puritanical (remember him?). Despite this, the place was standing room only for the last part of the contest with the judges barely able to separate the top four contestants. The word ‘gyration' might have been coined for this quad.

 

In the end it was a Casino Club dancer who snared the 5,000 baht first prize money and also collected another 5,000 baht for winning the Most Popular vote. A Bangkok dancer also walked away with a double: 3,000 baht for second place and 3,000 baht for the best costume. A Casino girl and one of The Roof dancers shared 2,000 baht each for third place while another Bangkok contestant and one of the Polo gyrators picked up 1,000 baht each for making the final six.

 

The Casino Club is a great place to spend a late night: the dance music is excellent, it has a welcoming ambience, and the drinks are fairly priced. A week after the dance contest I wandered in at some ungodly hour (about five minutes before cock-crow) and the joint was absolutely humming. Don't these people have homes to go to?

 

Bums Away Dream Babies: The fleshaholics of Fun Town should have been well pleased with the second Coyotee's ogling den ( Soi Marina Plaza ) Best Ass in Pattaya Contest, held on Sunday night 27 August. A brace of 24 dancers took part, with four girls coming from the What's Up cleanest-dancers-in-Pattaya den (Soi 15, off Walking Street), as well as two each from the Diamond ogling den (Soi Diamond), Tahitian Queen 2 chrome pole palace (Soi BJ, off Walking Street) and The Roof late-night shake your best assets house (Walking Street).

 

Seven judges were given the dubious honour of trying to determine which dancing damsel possessed a backside worthy of annexing the 8,000 baht first prize money. Included among them were the London Clock, the genial mine host of the very soon to open new Secrets house of fun (see below); Perry, whose frozen Margarita mix, filled with natural ingredients, and sold to a number of dens around town, gives dancers that ‘I go with you sexy man' glow; and Roundy, one of the co-owners of the popular Roo beer boozer and noshery on Walking Street.

 

The contest was ultimately won by Khun May from Coyotee's, with Khun Kwan from The Roof snatching second position (and 5,000 baht) and Khun Ow from Diamond taking third place (and 3,000 baht). Ow had won the first contest, under a different regime of judges.

 

All told, the management of Coyotee's handed out a substantial 32,800 baht in prize money, as all 24 entrants received 700 baht each as well as any prize money they may have picked up.

 

An Open Secret: After much hammering, nailing, plastering, painting, and more gnashing of teeth and pulling of hair than a cat-fight in a Wild West whorehouse, the Secrets lounge-lizard libation room will be officially opening its doors to the paying public on Friday night 1 September. Located in Soi 14 -off Walking Street- the place will almost certainly become a popular hangout for ex-pats and regular Fun Town visitors.

 

Hate to See Their Water Bill: There are a few Thai-run places in Fun Town where the operators have ‘come up through the ranks' as it were and are willing to try and be experimental and innovative. One of these is the What's Up ogling den (Soi 15, off Walking Street ). After undergoing a much-needed but thoughtful renovation and re-fit, the den unveiled its new look and format in late July. Taking a leaf out of the Coyotee's and Heaven Above internal decorative style (aka: the hospital look), and the Club Boesche aqua follies, What's Up is once more back among the raft of dens worth visiting.

 

The first thing you notice is how much brighter the den is now which is perfect for making sure you don't get stuck with a damsel who looks like Venus under the UV light and turns into Dracula's sister the moment you pay the bar fine and walk out the door into the bright moonlight. Anyone keen to inspect the entire package (and most of its contents), the birthday-suited damsels employed to test the enamel of the Jacuzzi as well as those just hanging by a metal strap or two nearby are the ones to sit close to, although the former tend to be lathered up in soap suds for much of the time.

 

The only negative are the white bar stools that are among the most uncomfortable pieces of furniture I've ever tried to park my tender backside upon. You have to be at least 2.3 metres or taller before you'd stand a chance of finding these stools remotely comfortable. The other minus is the usual practice of jacking up drinks prices. According to one person, What's Up had draught amber at 45 baht for one week, then it went to 55 baht and then it disappeared and a bottle of the froth was wheeled out at 110 baht. Not very sensible when you've only just managed to start drawing crowds back into the place and the depths of low season still awaits.

 

On the Trail of the Pissheads: The long-running FLB lounge lizard libation room ( Walking Street ), in conjunction with ‘Hammer', mine host of the Cherry beer boozer (Soi 8), have been running a novel and increasingly popular weekly pub crawl. Members of the www.pattayatalk.com website meet at FLB around 7:30PM on a Thursday for a few drinks (and are treated to free pizza) while they vote on what part of Fun Town is going to be the recipient of their alcoholic largesse for the evening. If you want to see where they've been so far, or where they went the week before, all you need do is log onto the website and check it out. Anyone is welcome to join in and as Marvellous Martin, the owner of FLB noted, ‘it gets everyone out of their standard orbit and into new places.'

 

Come to Paradise: Talking of new places, a place calling itself the Paradise ogling den has just opened its doors at the south Pattaya end of Soi Buakhow. When I wandered past I think the foreign owners had only just put the finishing touches to the place and were just getting prepared to open for real. By the time you read this it should be up and running.

 

Get Well Soon: Big Yankee Bob, the man known for his giant burgers and bigger-n-Texas steaks served at his noshery on South Pattaya Road, and also a cheerful meeter and greeter at the Tahitian Queen 2 ogling den (Soi BJ), suffered a mild stroke on Sunday morning 27 August. I'm told he is in a satisfactory condition; needless to say, all his friends around town wish him a speedy and full recovery.

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